I take care of all of my mother’s financial responsibilities using money from her savings account. If I return the bank book she will see how much has been removed since I’ve taken over. She is quite angry knowing that I have the book. I tell her it’s at my home under lock and key. She obsesses over it. Any suggestions for handling the situation better?
Before I took over (under her DPOA) for her finances, she would receive the paper statements and throw them away intact. I stopped the hard copies of her statements and received them electronically.
I opened a checking account in her name (and mine; she'd never had one before) and transferred her pension and SS and her auto-bill-pay to this account. I kept her savings account "isolated" from the checking account. I kept about $100 in her savings account and it was just for her to be driven to the bank, she could hand over her bank book, and withdraw cash for her spending (usually she just bought us lunch and gas for driving her around).
She was happy and I was happy. Easy peasy.
Good luck!
She almost had a heart attack when I told her what the nursing home cost. But then I drove the point home that her money is there to pay for that care! What else would it be used for? Save it for the inheritance of the sons who never visit? F them! She had been in an assisted living that was obviously less expensive before she was in the nursing home but she did poorly there and required more care. Her medical condition is such that she cannot be adequately cared for in her home. She can't walk, toilet herself or manage her medications, and there is no social stimulation at home. So I told her, what do you want? We are lucky we have the money for you to be in this nice nursing home and Medicaid will pick it up when we run out! Would you rather be at home where your sons still wouldn't visit, and you'd fall and be dead within a couple of months? If so, you're on your own!
After that, the reality sank in and she didn't put up any fuss. I think she just wanted to feel like she was in control and was informed.
Find something that is very simplified for her to hang onto. I gave my mom a checkbook from an old account that satisfied her.
If you have nothing to hide what is the issue?
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