After months of suffering and trying to figure out what to do we finally found what seems like a solution, me and my mother are moving out of my grandma's house, we already found a place and will hopefully move at the end of the month. My mom and I have been taking care of my grandma for 6 years, she has Vascular dementia and it's taking over our lives completely, we can no longer go out, we have to sleep in shifts, it's a nightmare. I'm mentally ill, my mother had a severe heart attack two years ago and had surgery, we just can't live under all this stress, I think it's time to admit we can't do it and start living our lives. My mother is going to call her brother and sister ( they simply stopped visiting and calling their sick mother ) to inform them that we are moving, from them on it will be up to them to take care of my grandma. I think getting away from here will do me good but still I feel so guilty, I love my grandma and I don't want to leave her but then I think about my future and how life here is damaging me, I have to think about me and about my mother too, it's a painful situation, no matter what I do I know I'm going to suffer. Is this selfish of us? I also don't know how will I handle my grandma's situation once we move, due to my mental illness I don't know how to react to painful or stressing situations and I end up having attacks, I'm not sure if I will be able to keep in touch with her.
If your relatives can't handle the situation, then someone needs to call adult protective services and let them know that your grandma is alone (if there's no social worker involved yet). It's their job to figure something out. If need be, you can explain your health and that of your mother. It's time for outside care.
If your mental illness doesn't allow you to keep in contact, that's okay. The extra stress may make your own health deteriorate. You'll have to decide that on a day to day basis. Perhaps if social services can get your grandma settled in a nursing home and she begins to do okay, you could visit, but in this case your own health must come first.
You and your mom need to take care of yourselves. That's the bottom line. You've done far more, already, than most people could under these circumstance. Don't back down.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
Carol
If your aunt and uncle do not step up and arrange proper care of Grandma, I hope your mom will report the situation to Adult Protection Services. I know that neither of you want to see her left to fend for herself so be sure to get some public agency involved if Grandma's other children don't take over.
You need to feel and be strong in order to even talk with your grandma, I agree with Carol, take it day by day. Hugs
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