My father goes on a walk with us but I’ve noticed he tends to trip every now and then and his balance is off even though he hasn’t actually fallen. I feel It’s safer if he uses a cane. He’s adamant he will never be seen with a cane or walker. My sister who lives out of state says let him do what he wants and walk with you and just be happy. He’s not ready mentally for a cane she says. I guess I’m the practical sibling and she’s all about dad being happy, so we tend to butt heads on his care. So I said I’m responsible for his care since he lives with me. I need to make sure he’s safe. She says leave him alone. So now I feel I not only have to convince him to use a cane I also have to convince my sister if he wants to walk with us he has to be safe. Anyone else have a problem similar to this? It’s very stressful
And may I say the grabbing onto the carer's arm for support by the elder leads to a big disaster - since both could then fall to the ground.
Like your dad, this situation is all about vanity and ego. I find that so very sad : ( After mom had 3 falls w/broken bones needing surgery in 2 yrs., I began to be a very squeaky wheel about the cane. Finally moved on from that by buying an expensive, hand-made, 'elegant' cane. Used her grocery cart for a walker (so no one would notice she was 90). Doc, ortho, and Occupational Therapist eventually said cane wasn't good enough, she needed a walker (as primary CG, I already was well aware of that). This was a MAJOR, negative change. My mom stopped leaving the house, going to her bridge games, and going to grocery store with me accompanying (from then on, I was the sole grocery shopper). It took MONTHS for my mom to 'remember' to use it, even in the house (where all the falls had occurred)--I frequently had to ask 'where's your walker'? She was used to walls (when she could), but also going from furniture to furniture. Problem with that was, she didn't understand that couch and other very heavy furniture was fine, but dining room chairs, etc. weren't o.k. (too light, she'd take them down with her). She does finally use walker in the house, to haircuts, dentist, dr., podiatrist.
Very sad that our loved ones' health and safety can be a distant second to appearances. At 65 and healthy, I've learned SO much from my mom, mainly how NOT to be when I'm there, so I've got a lot of time to physically and emotionally prepare. During the course of my mom's transition, we stopped getting along and became adversaries. The worst--I started actively disliking my mom as selfish for not taking her 7/24, 64 y/o daughter caretaker, who was the active participant in ambulance runs, 911 calls at all hours, decision-maker with ortho surgeons, and post-surgery nurse into consideration.
Stay here and stay strong !!
If he's that bad, then he'll either need PT to help him with his balance, or sad to say, he'll likely have to fall to figure it out.
She demanded and received hip replacement surgery, even tho the surgeon TOLD HER she would not be able to manage with only a cane for support.
he was right. She tried and tried, but she'd swivel with only the cane and a lot of falls made her more attached to the walker. She wants another hip replacement, but she's 90 now and he said 'absolutely not, you will be in a wheelchair' which she actually wouldn't mind!
So her days are spent 'chasing' her walker. She's never acclimated to it and will sometimes try to walk around her apt with just hanging onto the walls. More than once she's grabbed at ME and we both go down.
I like to hike and I don't go w/o my walking sticks. A fall in the mountains and I'd be toast. Nobody gives me 'looks'--I think your dad is like my mom-they think the world is looking at them!
I saw a gentleman take a terrible fall at WalMart yesterday. He'd 'lost' his wife--I guess he'd been pushing the cart and wandered off. I saw him from a distance and knew just what was happening--poor guy! He just collapsed, didn't trip or anything, just went down. A lot of people went to help him, he was banged up but seemed OK. He was then with his wife, and hanging on that cart like grim death.