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My Dad buys her the wine.  She won't go to the Doctor. Help. I live out of state as well as my brother. I am visiting right now and have asked her if she wants to die and she just doesn't say much. I have told her I love her and I hate seeing her like this. Just don't know what I can do. I have asked my Dad to stop buying the wine and I think he gets so much of the brunt end that he doesn't want to hear what she has to say when she is not on the wine. She is about 90 lbs and eats absolutely nothing, only wine. Don't know how much longer she can live like this?

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My grandmother did this for many , many years, Her four basic food groups were: corn curls, necco wafers, cashew nuts, and Taylor's Tawny Port. She lived to the age of 89.

In all likelihood, your mom is an alcoholic, your dad is an enabler, and you are the fretting child. No one's fault.

Go to Al-Anon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You will meet people in your same situation, be able to talk, find coping mechanisms, and, just imagine, Laugh!!!!!!!!!!!
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I bought the wine she drank and also a bottle of alcohol free (Frei was the brand) and swapped the wines so she poured the alcohol -free wine as if she was pouring her favorite. She did question it - asked why I uncorked it. I showed her an article about Aerating the wine to make it better. She also told me that she thought it was different - I explained that grapes must vary from year to year... just answered in a way that made sense to her.
I forgot to tell my husband that I was doing it - so one night he came home from the office, saw the Frei sitting on our buffet and poured a glass for himself. He couldn't believe how good it tasted for being "alcohol-free" and poured a second glass BEFORE he left to meet me for a community board meeting that evening! Lordy, Lordy... be sure you let others know what you're up to:)
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Not very long. Perhaps she wants death to come sooner than later. A Hospice evaluation might help. Ask her if she wants one. Perhaps she will discuss her health issues with the Hospice nurse more openly than she will with you. You might ask her to sign a health care proxy so you can discuss things with her doctor. If she refuses both, there is not much you can do, so sorry.
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Consider getting a guardianship, versus letting this just go downhill. Dad is enabling and as much as it hurts to say it, irresponsible and taking the lazy way out, which is either his depression talking or he just does not love or care enough to do what needs done and is content with helping her slowly kill herself. I am sorry to be blunt, but what he is doing is totally wrong - maybe the motivation is not, but it is wrong for both of them for him to keep doing this. Mom is depressed too and desperately needs the help she is refusing. Are there other family members, a pastor, friends, anybody who would do a good old-fashioned intervention and move Mom to an alcohol treatment facility?

If you try and fail with an intervention that is carefully planned and carried out with all the resources and support you can bring to bear, then at least your conscience is clear as you deal with the grief and the emotions of the inevitable outcome of this situation. I just googled "intervention for elderly alcoholics" and you could add in your city or state and likely find specific professionals who help with this on a regular basis. It is not going to be easy and the outcome is not guaranteed, but the alternative is exactly what you suspect it is.
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so sorry to hear that. Your dad must be awfully depressed. I wish he could pour out the wine and fill the bottle with a sparkling non alcoholic beverage. But she would catch on. Or maybe he could refill it with half real wine and half a non alcoholic beverage. Must be terribly expensive...marymember
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Is there something going on that you don't know about? A health issue perhaps? My uncle tried very hard to drink himself to death because he was going blind and did not want to live being blind. He didn't succeed, he fell, broke his arm, and ended up in a nursing home for 5 years before he passed.
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One bottle of wine a day at 90lbs gets her to a very high blood level every day, to which she has become tolerant. Yes, this is a diagnosis of alcoholism. Yes, go to Al-anon somewhere somehow. Is this the first time you knew she is an alcoholic? There will be a whole lot of the serenity prayer in dealing with this. Maybe change is possible. Maybe not.
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The elderly woman described in the question would go into DTs if she stopped completely and abruptly. Those can be fatal too.
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Hmm, a bottle of wine, 750 ml = 25 fluid oz, a glass of wine = 8 oz, so 4 "drinks" per bottle, right? But female, elderly, 90 #, with no food in tummy does change the equation. Can you talk her into putting a 1/2 way mark on the bottle and get it down to 2 drinks for starters? Maybe she'd be hungry then. Probably getting the calories from that. I'd have to wonder if she she is self medicating pain? Illness? When did it start?
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Go to Reform U website for addiction.
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