She is not mentally incompetent, but has demonstrated some confusion over how to handle finances, and left many bills unpaid until I took over as POA. I took her credit cards because the nursing home advised me that it was best she not have them, as they could get lost and the NH had no way to secure them. Mom is physically very weak, cannot walk more than 20 feet using a walker, and has to stay in bed most of the day. Under these conditions, can she have my POA revoked?
Five years ago when Mom couldn't handle her finances anymore and the "final notices" started to appear, and my then-live-in-caregiver sister couldn't handle the added stress (she works long hard hours as a funeral director), and Mom's granddaughter hounded Gramma for money (and ended up with all of it), I told Sisters that I would handle Mom's money. I live out of state, but with auto-deduction online I could take care of Mom's finances. Eventually they got Mom through her lawyer to sign POA to me for finances and medical (to handle her medical bills) while they took care of Mom's person and her house.
Because Mom's dementia caused her to toss whole bank statements and bills in the trash, I developed a monthly "statement" of anything to do with Mom's money--sanitized so if she threw it in the trash a finder of those papers had no idea of bank, account numbers, identity, etc.
The first page had a list of utilities and when they were paid, amount, and when; her property tax and when it was paid through; her homeowner's insurance and when it was paid through (when I took over Mom fixated on her insurance and property tax so they became permanent items on the statement). The second page was a recreation of her checkbook register; the third page was any loans such as Granddaughter who owed Mom money (no way was Granddaughter not paying back money), Mom's Home Equity Line of Credit (usually balance zero), et al.
I mailed it to Mom by the second of every month. Mom could review it and reassure herself that all was well, and my sisters could review too. Any questionable or odd things were explained on those entries so there were no questions. [Note: those explanations came in handy after Mom passed away a few weeks ago when Sisters basically accused me of elder abuse and theft because they and Mom's lawyer only looked at the printout of Mom's checking account that had no explanations. When Sister 2 asked me specific questions what Lawyer pointed out and I could point out the explanations and show the receipts those accusations vanished.]
Anyway, is it possible that a statement such as this every month (along with a printout of any bank statements to confirm) might help your Mom relax?
I found that telling Dad every time I paid a bill, keeping him updated on financial issues, etc. allowed him to be comfortable that the issues were being handled. Since his checking account was joint, I actually never acted with proxy authority for that aspect of his care.
Nothing would have changed as I was already managing his finances as well as helping with medicines and appointments. He apologized that he didn't want to name anyone as POA and I told him, I never asked him to.
We managed fine for the 7.5 years he survived my mother - in our family it was Mom who managed the finances.
If any of my siblings had pushed to get POA, I would have gladly stepped aside and let them do it all. I guess no one wanted it bad enough to do the dirty work too :)
Like GardenArtist, my name was on all the accounts at the recommendation of the Bank Vice-President. All my dad asked me was, "will you still honor my wishes and divide equally with your sisters after I'm gone?" That was a no-brainer and I said yes. From that day on, my name was included on all accounts.
The reasoning the Bank VP gave him, if push ever came to shove, I wouldn't have to go to court to free his assets to take care of him. So, no POA was ever needed.
For my statement to Mom, all that information would likely fit on one page, but I wanted lots of white space in order to help her comprehend. The first page could reasonably be deleted as it was on the checkbook register, but who wants to comb through a checkbook register if you want to know when the property tax was paid? Hence, the first page was the down-and-dirties of her bills. The ending balances were carried forward to the beginning balances of the next month so Sisters (and Lawyer) could see no money could be missing.
I also liked that she had something to hold onto, like a "real", professional statement. Additionally, with her dementia, she could check it as often as she wanted to, feel relieved all was well, then set it aside until next time she was anxious.
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