I moved back home with Mom and Dad in 2003 to help finallcially and to take the stress of taking care of my Mom off his hands. She doesn't want my help, she wants him. Dad had open heart surgery in 2015, he has slowed down alot. He lost a lot of muscle tone. Both have dementia, Mom also has Alzheimer's. I take care of absolutely everything from the house, shopping, meds, doc appt, cooking, mowing the lawn, weeding maintaining yard. Plus I work full time 12 hour shifts. This past few weeks have been horrible. Burning the candle at both ends. 2 brothers no help.
Praying our meeting today gets some answers.
Good luck getting some of your life back.
My Older brother is coming over today to try to help.me speak to them. They tell me they want to stay in their home. Yet my Father called brother last week and said he thinks they are thinking about moving into a home?
They made me POA and POH YEARS AGO.
Praying it goes well today
Thank you
I know what's involved and I know it's not going to get easier. I am working on figuring things out.
I understand their mental state of mind. A lot of prayers and patience help.
I know it's going to get harder. I actually have been through this with my grandparents but I was not POA or POH. My Aunt was. She offered me tjier home if I would live their with them but my Grandmother was impossible. I felt horrible for my Grampop. They were tricked into a home, as they were just going to "check" it out by my Aunt.
We would pick them up for visits. My Grampop was heartbroken.
I am taking things day by day and trust me I have a bunch of plans, but I need to discuss with them.
I have been trying for some time, I am working with all the Doctors as well.
Thank you for your input.
I think it's every elder's 'wish' to 'age in place' and stay in their own home until death. This is not always reasonable or doable, however, and adjustments have to be made sometimes, especially when dementia/ALZ is involved and when you have no help and are fading fast. What happens if YOU have to be hospitalized from stress related disease? Then what? Who takes care of the house and the parents then? You have to get help now so you'll have Plan B in place for if/when an emergency crops up. You need respite so you don't get sick and/or burn out, which is also a very real possibility. I hope your dad is really thinking about moving into an ALF or managed care of some kind with mom, that would be IDEAL! Fingers crossed for that to work out!!!!
You say "I know what's involved and I know it's not going to get easier. I am working on figuring things out." When you took care of your grandparents, you were younger. Things change when age sets in and limitations are reached and exceeded. Know when to cry uncle. Know when it's time to ask for help and hire it. I agree with KathleenQ, by the way, that the demented elders always act MUCH nicer with hired help than they do with their own family members!!! I see it ALL the time with my mother who treats me like a dirty dish rag and the CGs at her MC like solid gold!!!
Stop expecting any real communication from your mother who's no longer capable of it and step back a bit; do what you can for her and let your dad tell her No.
It's got to be a hugely overwhelming task you've taken on for the past 18 years and I don't know how you're doing it alone. I pray you can get some hired help in, at the very least, b/c it's too much for one human being to handle. Even Superwoman wouldn't be able to manage this! I'm worn out from a one hour visit with my mother at her MC on Sunday's; I'd have lost my mind by now if I were in your shoes. Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Thank you
Prayers needed