I always thought it was an obligation for parents to raise their children to become responsible adults and productive members of society. Responsible adult children move out into the world, financially support themselves, raise families of their own and save for their own retirements. Responsible adult children do not live off their parents. Should not elderly parents be required the same responsibilities as their adult children? Adult children were not born to be the salvation for their elderly parents. Caring for elderly parents is a choice not a debt.
I don't really think that our "society" has a uniform attitude about this. Individuals have their own opinions. The fact that we have set up Medicaid to help elders who have used up their own money and need help is an indication that one social institution sees it as the responsibility of all of us (taxpayers) to help elders.
I really don't worry about what "society" thinks about this issue. You may get pressure from your parents, from other relatives, from your church, etc. etc. but you need to make your own decisions.
How society in general feels, I don't know. I don't think the general population thinks much about it.
I view it as my father will not be around forever and I am blessed and privileged to be able to help him and spend more time with him now as he has begun to have physical issues.
He drove me around, clothed and fed me for the first 18 years of my life. Now it is my time to return the favor.
My Mother told everyone who would listen that she would NEVER live with her children. As she got older and had health issues, she actually had to live with us and then announced she would never live in any facility but in her own home. How happy can "they" be just sitting in front of a TV all day? Mother would have so much more interaction and activities in a NH but I have a suspicion the other siblings would rather not spend her money in that way.
It is a very touchy subject wherever I go and we talk about our elderly parents.
Show me one person here who planned and planned and dreamed and dreamed of one day being able to care for their elderly, aging parents.
Why the moral fiber of this country
Is gone.....just take a look....parents
Who don't want anything to do
With their elders...or their kids,
What kind of example for the kids.
Yep, just a pack of wild dogs
An honor to take care of my Mom? Maybe so but I'm not feeling it. Love her ... just not feeling any 'honor.'
Modern medicine has allowed us to live much longer lives than in the past. When social security was started, if I have this right, half of everyone died by their 65th birthday. There just weren't that many old people.
Before good birth control, people had lots of kids to take care of them if, by chance, they lived past age 65.
In the old days women mostly didn't work outside the home, so they were available to care for the elderly, and didn't have to balance it with a paying job.
Nowadays an amazing number of people live to be 100. Because of social security and Medicare and good pensions, many elderly are wealthier than their children and grandchildren. Our parents had fewer kids than their parents. Most women now have full time jobs and therefore little time for elder care. Because of the economy, it's very hard for a young person to get started in a career, and lots of us Boomers have had our careers cut short. Young people don't get government help, can't find a job, and get called names for it. The caregiving generation is under a lot of pressure.
Then there's the sense of entitlement - on both sides. Face it, we all want what we want, when we want it. IMHO, that's a good thing because we demand and often get better treated by organizations and corporations. If my parents had treated me the way some parents do, I don't think I would be inclined to do much of anything for them.
It's a bad thing, however, when we forget that some things are beyond our wishes and demands to control. Parents have to accept that we have limits. We have to accept that our parents and siblings are not likely to change. Some parents suck. Some kids suck. Lots of families manage to struggle through with love and grace and a whole lot of effort.
If we were Eskimos in the old days, then, when our parents got too old and infirm to work, they would walk out onto the ice floes and die. Compared to that, what's wrong with a nursing home?
people who patronize only on holidays are my pet peeve.
on the original subject, i think most parents contributed much more than just raising us. ill bet few of us took off soaring without occasional help from our parents. does that mean we owe them something? imo, yes. someone who takes and never gives back should be eliminated from your life, again, jmho.my feelings hail from the day of the barter system which incredibly we seem to be returning to. in those days a shyster would lose credibility and soon noone would deal with him / her. a financial boycott of sorts.
Here in the US, unless you emigrated here, we are rather conditioned to the idea that nursing homes and assisted living places are acceptable ways to deal with your aging parents. Of course, not every one is well heeled and the cost associated with these places is out of reach for many as in our own family. My in-law had lower class jobs, never had investments or bought a home, and really had no concepts at all regarding investments or how to save money. So, with my widowed mother in law, who basically lives on SS and virtually no savings of any kind, we have found a townhome with affordable rent and have in-home hourly care for her that is paid for out her own monies. When her monies are totally exhausted, she will go to a Medicaid facility.
I have no guilt nor do I have any intentions of depleting the retirement savings I and my husband so diligently worked for over the last 30 years. I knew this was on the horizon when I first met my in-laws years ago and saw how they lived with no care other than to see what winning lottery numbers came up daily. I think of a fable about the ant and the grasshopper ---I am sure all of you have heard of it. I have made provisions to never be a burden to my son or daughter and already told each of them that I don't expect them to be saddled with our care. When I read the stories on this site of the heart wrenching frustrations , illness , depression and exhaustion of you caregivers, you are truly a remarkable bunch of people and my utmost respect and admiration goes out to you. Please don't think me cold and indifferent either---we take Mom out every Friday for dinner, have her over the house and take her to the doctors when necessary. In our hearts and minds, she is getting the care and attention she needs at this stage of her life.
Princess~You said it well, my parents had lower income jobs, dad worked in a family run hardware store, mom was a bank teller. Dad's employer invested a portion of the employees earnings in profit sharings. Not everyone has the opportunity to save for retirement especially if their employer has no program available. Today, we have many people working 2-3 part time jobs to support themselves and their family....these are jobs that were once full time positions that offered benefits. Where I work, I see many older people, I say older because they are not 20 something...people in their 40's, and 50's who are getting food stamps because of the recession that started in 2008, many lost their jobs and have not recovered. My point is that when my parents started working as young adults, they were able to stay with the same company until retirement so it was easier to build a nest egg for retirement than it is today. Many people did not put money away because they probably thought they would just die without a slow decline from a illness. It is a difficult situation we are all facing with our aging parents since they are living longer.
So, personally I would love to have a loving mother I could take care of for several years. But I don't. So she will go into a nursing home. And I really don't think I should be judged when she goes. It is her wish and she has made no effort to build a close relationship with either of her children. In fact she has some sort of personality disorder and of course refuses to seek treatment. So no, my mother will not live with me. She doesn't want to.
The long term care unit....more than
Half had nobody for the holidays.
At Christmas the girls would pool
Their money to buy slippers pants
Shirts, dresses, last tops, sweaters and
Candy and socks for those who
Received nothing.
My mom hated the party, she would
Always cry.
How could kids not even send a card
Or a gift....it isn't due to the money
They fly to the verious places the
Kids are at.
Ok I'll stop and let you give me a good
Reason as to why
A 99 cent Christmas card....it requires no
Further contact from one.
Many old people when it comes close to
Their time, reflect on their lives...this
Can be happy and can be painful, the
Thing ask for the most is forgiveness.
The second is regret.
If you were told you were going to die,