I always thought it was an obligation for parents to raise their children to become responsible adults and productive members of society. Responsible adult children move out into the world, financially support themselves, raise families of their own and save for their own retirements. Responsible adult children do not live off their parents. Should not elderly parents be required the same responsibilities as their adult children? Adult children were not born to be the salvation for their elderly parents. Caring for elderly parents is a choice not a debt.
So, yeah, just really crabby, here. I apologise.
Perhaps we should take care of each other as a society. See a person in need--lend a hand, see your elder neighbor alone- sit with him, see a resident without a visitor-visit them. We do not know the stories of their children. Our own hearts can we but follow.
Also---I love my daughter no less knowing she cannot take care of me in my elder years.
Is home care. This can be difficult. There
May not be time, needed resources, ability or
Skill, money...etc. I think we can all
Appreciate that..
But the second is when they re in a nursing
Home. Here there is no responsibility to
The family
You can always walk away.
It is here where I get upset. As I mentioned
Earlier in a post. Oh these people have
Family.....
Why if you live far away, you can't make
it back.....but not even send a card.
I was Santa helper for two years...all I could
Stand to do.
First year I had a couple of delivered to make.
One was a lady with a organic brain problem
...I give her the box, and she asked if
All her kids were dead.
Another lady opened hers...and started crying
She them said....at least you remembered
Me santy
The last year there was a fellow in
Overalls, one leg was missing
Due to amputation due diabetes...
When I got up to him his eyes were
Wet...we talk and he said he just couldn't figure
Out what he did wrong that his kids hater
Him.
The last was a very frail lady. You could
See she was not long for this world.
The girls pick out a top and sweater in
Her favorite color...the girls made
The ticket out that it was from her children.
She cried, they remembered me...she passed
Away about a week later....
the other was a lady who had organic
Brain disease....we had a gift...come
To find out the kids could not stand
To see her that way.....which I guess
I could understand.....but not send
Anything.
I could not do it a third year.....it bothered
Me too much.
Simply giving your genes to someone, or even simply carrying someone for 9 months, doesn't give you the right to expect 10 or 40 years of care from your offspring. I had wonderful parents, and feel cheated that my mother passed so quickly that I never got to care for her. During the short time I was caring for my father, he was sometimes very verbally abusive, but I could ignore that because of the previous 50 years of love. On the other hand, my BFF's mother was monstrous in her "mothering." My BFF made sure she got the care she needed, and visited at least monthly. She really disliked going, but she did it. I admired her for doing it, but would have understood if she had done much less.
I think that people have a responsibility to take care of their parents, unless the parents were pretty awful. I think that "taking care of" doesn't have to mean giving your parents everything they demand, or destroying your own family, health and finances. I think that children who abandon their parents without a darn good reason, who foist their care off onto siblings, are not to be respected or admired. I think that some, not all, parents who get abandoned, made their own bed and now have to lie in it.
A 99 cent Christmas card....it requires no
Further contact from one.
Many old people when it comes close to
Their time, reflect on their lives...this
Can be happy and can be painful, the
Thing ask for the most is forgiveness.
The second is regret.
If you were told you were going to die,
The long term care unit....more than
Half had nobody for the holidays.
At Christmas the girls would pool
Their money to buy slippers pants
Shirts, dresses, last tops, sweaters and
Candy and socks for those who
Received nothing.
My mom hated the party, she would
Always cry.
How could kids not even send a card
Or a gift....it isn't due to the money
They fly to the verious places the
Kids are at.
Ok I'll stop and let you give me a good
Reason as to why
So, personally I would love to have a loving mother I could take care of for several years. But I don't. So she will go into a nursing home. And I really don't think I should be judged when she goes. It is her wish and she has made no effort to build a close relationship with either of her children. In fact she has some sort of personality disorder and of course refuses to seek treatment. So no, my mother will not live with me. She doesn't want to.
Princess~You said it well, my parents had lower income jobs, dad worked in a family run hardware store, mom was a bank teller. Dad's employer invested a portion of the employees earnings in profit sharings. Not everyone has the opportunity to save for retirement especially if their employer has no program available. Today, we have many people working 2-3 part time jobs to support themselves and their family....these are jobs that were once full time positions that offered benefits. Where I work, I see many older people, I say older because they are not 20 something...people in their 40's, and 50's who are getting food stamps because of the recession that started in 2008, many lost their jobs and have not recovered. My point is that when my parents started working as young adults, they were able to stay with the same company until retirement so it was easier to build a nest egg for retirement than it is today. Many people did not put money away because they probably thought they would just die without a slow decline from a illness. It is a difficult situation we are all facing with our aging parents since they are living longer.
Here in the US, unless you emigrated here, we are rather conditioned to the idea that nursing homes and assisted living places are acceptable ways to deal with your aging parents. Of course, not every one is well heeled and the cost associated with these places is out of reach for many as in our own family. My in-law had lower class jobs, never had investments or bought a home, and really had no concepts at all regarding investments or how to save money. So, with my widowed mother in law, who basically lives on SS and virtually no savings of any kind, we have found a townhome with affordable rent and have in-home hourly care for her that is paid for out her own monies. When her monies are totally exhausted, she will go to a Medicaid facility.
I have no guilt nor do I have any intentions of depleting the retirement savings I and my husband so diligently worked for over the last 30 years. I knew this was on the horizon when I first met my in-laws years ago and saw how they lived with no care other than to see what winning lottery numbers came up daily. I think of a fable about the ant and the grasshopper ---I am sure all of you have heard of it. I have made provisions to never be a burden to my son or daughter and already told each of them that I don't expect them to be saddled with our care. When I read the stories on this site of the heart wrenching frustrations , illness , depression and exhaustion of you caregivers, you are truly a remarkable bunch of people and my utmost respect and admiration goes out to you. Please don't think me cold and indifferent either---we take Mom out every Friday for dinner, have her over the house and take her to the doctors when necessary. In our hearts and minds, she is getting the care and attention she needs at this stage of her life.