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MIL packs al her clothes, pictures, toiletries at least 3x’s a week. She says she’s ready to go home now. I put a sign in her room telling her “you live here, don’t pack your clothes”. I explain to her she has lived here over a year, and this is her room. I have taken every bag, tote bag, Plastic bags, boxes out of her room so that she will have nothing to pack her stuff into. Instead she now just takes everything out of her closet and out of her bureau and puts them on the mini couch that is in her room. It would not be too bad if it was only her clothes she packed because, she can just use the mini couch as her bureau. But unfortunately she packed everything that is in her room, including all the toiletries from the bathroom, paperwork, hundreds of pictures, newspaper articles that were saved, you name it. I am just so tired of unpacking and re-organizing her room. Any suggestions?

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Reduce the number of items she has to pack. Give her back appropriate containers for the photos and paper items and toiletries. That will make it easier for you to find what’s needed on a daily basis. If packing keeps her occupied, let her be happy packing. Allow her space to belong to her.
She will not understand what you are telling her about where she lives but she will stop this activity eventually and start another.
Help her pack if you have time and then you will know where everything is when needed. If you have the funds, find her cute bags. Meet her where she is.

Here is a thread from an Alzheimer site that discusses this issue.

https://www.helpforalzheimersfamilies.com/community-voices/your-questions-answered/why-mother-constantly-packs/
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Lindajc2 Sep 2020
Thank you for the link!, Linda
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Lockett, please do not call Linda a fool, she is doing the best she can with her MIL and asking for advice. No one deserves to be called a fool on this site. We are here trying to help each other.
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Lindajc2 Sep 2020
Thank you
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Start removing her things so there is less to re-organize. Dementia loves routine and your MIL has found hers.
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I am the caregiver...a daughter who moved in with parents to provide care. When I first read the title, I thought it was about the caregiver packing to leave!! LOL. Mentally, I have done that often!! This weekend I will be attending a retreat for Caregivers.. I have begun to take small steps to deal with how caregiving has impacted me. But honestly...packing up and returning to my life I had previously is something I contemplate often! 😊
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GardenArtist Sep 2020
See my answer to your comments in the main section; I posted there as it's easier to find!
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If you continue doing the same actions (unpacking), why are you expecting different results?
Maybe it's time to STOP.
Don't unpack anything. Leave everything packed, slowly each item will be placed back into accessible places.
She is stuck on remembering her previous home, is there a way to help create positive experiences in her current location?
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Lindajc2 Sep 2020
her packing things up creates a walking hazard for her. But I never thought if just leaving it there for her to unpack I’ll try that, just will have to make a walkway for her. Thanks, linda
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Maybe tell her she has to put all the stuff away since she is moving back in now.
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Deep inside, she doesn’t feel that she belongs and she is trying to fix the problem herself. Despite your generous hospitality, she may feel inside like a burden or unwelcome. She may feel useless, like the fabled “Bremen Town Musicians” (children’s story about elderly animals who ran away and saved the day for an innkeeper — in so doing regained their reputation and worth). Her brain just isn’t working correctly. Even though you are frustrated and want to correct this misbehavior, anything perceived as criticism may feel condescending, scolding and more confusing - it may cause her to “shut down” even more.

Be as positive as you can. Play along with the plan. “Oh, you’re moving, well that will be exciting!” I like what you’ve done with the place. Or you must be tired after all that packing, would you like to —(insert some activity that makes her calm or happy)— (bake cookies, relax for a while, take a walk, enjoy television or music, a hot bath, help me cook dinner, have some tea —before you go?)

Since she may feel trapped, give her choices- let her plan what you will have for dinner, or manage the TV remote, or even pick an activity for the whole group if she is able.

If she likes the activities related to moving, maybe folding laundry will be enjoyable. Maybe you could say, could you help me pack these things into the laundry basket? Or if you are donating some items, have her fold them for you first. Remind her that her contribution was needed and appreciated.

Take her shopping at a discount store like TJ Maxx and let her pick out a new comforter. decorative pillows or wall art, curtains, or some kind of small furniture to accessorize her new place (her same room). It may feel less strange and more like home if she participates in the transformation.

Change and loss is hard. She may sense her thoughts are becoming increasingly unclear. She has lost control, independence and freedom - principles that people go to war for.
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ArtistDaughter Sep 2020
I like the giving her choices part of your answer. My mom hates being told what to do, but if she has a few choices, even if all end up in doing the very same activity, she feels a little in control.
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I agree with others who have already suggested that you stop unpacking what she has packed onto the couch. Let go and let that part of things be.

However, I would suggest doing something else with the photos, newspaper articles, papers. Is it possible to put the photos into a photo album? Or digitize the photos and buy one of those photo frames that display digital photos? I would also put the newspaper clippings into a photo album or scrapbook. Or maybe just take home whatever doesn’t really have to be at her place.

Also, in my humble opinion, please take down the sign as it doesn’t seem to be doing any good anyway and may only be upsetting.
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Might want to try putting her stuff away with much less at her disposal. Give her mini toiletries - and keep refilling them from a larger container. Keep less clothes in her closet. Screw the artwork into the wall so they don't come down. When she has packed, say OK and take her for a road trip - without the stuff of course. Maybe go thrift shopping, out for a treat, and let her put everything back when she gets home. Let her keep nice shopping bags from department stores to "pack" and "unpack" her things. It won't stop the packing habit but it may put a happier spin on it.
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disgustedtoo Sep 2020
My suggestion is also going to be keeping less at her disposal to pack. But, I would hesitate screwing anything to the wall. Although she has dementia, strength may still be a factor and she might damage the walls, the artwork or hurt herself trying to take them down!
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Realize that the dementia is 'doing all this.' There is no 'explaining.' So a sign won't help; it may just make her feel worse or more confused.
Change to the sign to "I love you" or "I love the view from the window" (if she has one so it may refocus her to go to the window . . . or something soothing.

* Take away things that are unnecessary in the room.
* Let her do it. If anything is in the way and causing a potential fall risk, remove it.
* Do not pack and unpack and re-organize. Just stop. You are allowing yourself to be led around / dictated by a brain that no longer functions normally.
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Lindajc2 Sep 2020
Touch matters, you’re correct and I’ve done just that. I know she loves music from the 50’s. Will set up an Alexa dot in her room when we get back next week..... Linda
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