Do all paid caregivers talk to their wards like they are children?
or is it just the ones I end up with?
I didn't even talk to my children like children. I never spoke baby talk. I didn't use the sing songy voice. With Mom, I may speak more slowly but I still talk to her like an adult.
When I brought Carol in, it would drive me crazy how she talked to Mom like she was a baby. But, I let it go because Mom seemed OK with it. Now I have two new, additional, caregivers and I have noticed that they both do it as well. Especially the late afternoon one. She might just be showing off for me when I am around but it drives me crazy to watch how she interacts with mom. She does get Mom to smile but to me it looks like Mom's "I'm putting up with you" smile.
When ask Mom about them, she says she likes all three caregivers and won't complain about them.
Is this normal or did I end up with three random people who all do the same thing?
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Some people can't help themselves - they seem to think the best way to address an elder is by raising their voice to a sing-song pitch and speaking to them like a child. When my mom was in the NH, the very first CNA she came in contact with literally bent at the waist and put her face right up close to Mom's and spoke to her in that manner. The action, coupled with the voice ticked Mom right off and she told her in no uncertain terms NOT to speak to her that way, that she was not a child.
I am the supervisor since these three woman are all independently contracted by me so if it is going to be addressed, I will have to do it.
Mom refuses to speak sometimes. She can speak but chooses not to. I usually react by either pretending not to understand her head nods or by flat out telling her off. The afternoon caregiver doesn't want to let her get away with it either so she uses a voice like she is talking to a child, bends down and puts her face near Mom's and says in that sing song voice that she just can't understand and Mom should say it out loud.
Her way is probably better and more compassionate than mine and she is the one who actually gets a response but if I were the elder being spoken to like that, I would punch her in the throat.
Ugh! And the cuddlers! The hand-grabbers and strokers! Shudder.
Right. Now that I've got that off my chest... My mother liked the blonde girl with waist-length dreadlocks - not dreadlocks. Cornrows, that's it - and too much perfume and an almost unintelligible local accent; the theatrical one with Cleopatra eyeliner and just a whiff of sherry about her but not enough to be sure; and the dainty homeless South African whose back story made my hair stand on end.
I liked Liz the dementia whisperer, and K who was deaf but lip-read like magic and you'd never have known unless you knew.
Pretty much the only one we agreed on was the woman in the polyester tabard who grabbed mother's hand on their first meeting and started on about how much fun they'd have doing jigsaw puzzles together. I don't think my mother's given anyone a look quite like that since her WRAC platoon dropped their pretend "bomb" during a drill inspection.
To be fair... It must be incredibly hard to strike the right balance of warmth and professionalism instantly with someone you don't know from Adam. But yes I do wish with you that they wouldn't resort to saccharine the whole time.
And here, again, is yet ANOTHER argument for continuity of care. Why in heaven's name can the agencies not get their bleedin' rotas sorted out and give their CNAs at least a chance to get to know their clients?
It was when my dad was in rehab. I went to sit in on my dads therapy session and the occupational therapist was talking to my dad like he was three years old. I could tell by the look on my dads face that he was trying to be patient with it - I, on the other hand near burst the blood vessels in my head trying not to loose my temper.
So after I returned dad to his room I went back to talk with the therapist. I told her a little bit about my dad and the amazing things he had done in his life - like being a part of the mountain rescue team that got an injured climber off the highest mountain in the United States... And then told her I expected her to talk to and treat my father with respect - he'd earned it!
They are all wonderful and providing great care. And Mom is usually just sitting in her recliner so they all spend the day cleaning just to keep themselves from losing their minds. You would not believe how clean Mom's apartment is. I don't have to lift a finger anymore. Between the three of them, they steam mop the entire unit at least twice a day.
They are a lifesaver and luckily, I only have to listen to them talk baby talk a few minutes a day. I guess if Mom is OK with it, I will just have to be.
And, I too, find "honey" and "sweetheart" disrespectful