My Parents are 90 and 87 both are disabled living with cronic pain, financial, and mental issues and I am tring to get all those things addressed as much as can be. I try to be positive and as loving as I can with them. Dementia has taken my Dad to extreem narsacistic behavior and my mothers is so depressed all she can do is tell me what is wrong and vent. How do I create some positive? We are all on antidepressants. I want to be there for them as much as I can, but I am so depressed after calls and visits I don't what to do.I guess I am looking for tips to try to bring some positive in an very dark situation.
I am not a religious person. Still I found one thing helped me more than anything else. I turned it over to God and take things one day at a time. There are things I can do and other things that I or no other human can do. I just put those things in God's hands and do the things I can do.
To help myself, I go shopping and eat out when I can. I go to the gym at the senior center. And I'll talk to anyone who stands still long enough to listen. :) I go for long walks and play on the computer. All these things help keep me a little bit saner. The hardest thing can be the isolation. It can be very sad.
This is a hard job under the best of circumstances... and without knowing a little more about YOU, it's hard to give you some suggestions on how to make yourself happier... I do crafts, read, come here, vent, laugh, vent some more.... have wonderful friends here on AC, so as I said, hope you come back and join us... it's a safe place to have your feelings, you will be validated, and will be given some suggestions on how to take better care of yourself.... proud of you for reaching out.... if nothing else, now you know you are not alone.... sending hugs to you...
My wife and I visit him every day (his assisted care facility is very close by). We have come to accept that there's nothing substantial we can do for him other than to be there as much as possible to help alleviate his loneliness and listen to him.
You must make an effort to relieve your suffering, which is so sad. You still have many years of life ahead and must work hard to ensure that you, too, don't remain depressed and full of stress. Again, I think the only way you can do that is to convince yourself sincerely that you are doing the most you possibly can and there's nothing more to be done. You have to accept that this situation is part of the natural course of their lives.
Good luck to you.
If you havre siblings close by, perhaps you can share a visiting schedule so that each day is covered but not always by you. Gardening, walking, Bible Study and time with my grandchildren seem to put all the pieces together for me.
I believe you have to take care of yourself first in order to effectively care for someone else. If all is right with you, then the issues with your parents become things you deal with and handle but don't personally absorped.. There is a bit of detachment required in caregiving a loved one. Just know that you are doing all that you can do for your parents.
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