I have been trying to care for my mom for 8 years. 5 1/2 years ago my dad died. She lives an hour away from me and will not move unless I take her into my home. She has the funds to pay for a wonderful life in assisted living. There are several options near me. She refuses by saying that she wants to give her money to her children when she dies and she does want to "go to a home". We have toured the facilities. My mother in law lives in one of them. But my mother will NOT consider it. So I suggested hiring help in her home. "NO!, I thought my family would do these things for me. No one loves me. No one wants me."
I used to say that is just false. But now I'm feeling like "Yeah, you're right. no one would want to be around someone as negative and impossible to please as you. I am at the end of my rope. I am a grown adult 60 years old! This is too much for me. But I am the only caregiver she has left. Everyone else has given up. And I don't blame them one bit! In fact, I admire them.
Momsgoto, my advice is to accept that your mom will never accept that you're not able to do all she wants you to. Some moms will expect and expect, take and take, without any concern about the adverse effects upon their children. So keep looking out for yourself.
Cmagnum - Wow. I never thought of that. Everyone says to set boundaries but never suggested consequences. I guess I could distance myself more when she repeatedly tests me. I call everyday and sometimes two or three times a day. I think I will start to back off to every other day if she is negative or testy.
Linda22 - So as you have said before, all life is fragile. And that went to my heart. You are so, so right. The elderly do not have more rights to kindness merely because they are old. And they should not get a free pass to mistreat others either.
I learned about boundaries and consequences from my therapist. If your therapist has not mentioned consequences when the boundaries are broken, then ask them about consequences or find another one who will.