My mom lives with me as I am her caregiver (double amputee/dementia) My dog (Sam) that I loved for 15 years died one month ago. My mom was very attached to Sam and his death seems to have accelerated her dementia. Is this possible or maybe a temporary thing?
If possible, try to find a stuffed or robotic dog who is similar to your Sam (sorry about the loss... I've lost several kitties in the last 3 years, one who almost made it to age 22, who was with me for over 21.5 years!)
If that doesn't work and you are up to caring for another dog, perhaps try fostering first - if it gets to be too much work or causes mom more grief, then you can return the dog to the shelter. If you could find one that is similar to Sam, maybe she can be convinced it is Sam.
It is difficult, because caring for someone with dementia takes a lot out of you, plus she also is an amputee. Caring for a pet is also time/care consuming, so you don't want to overburden yourself!
You may be reaching that time when you need to hire some help and/or consider a facility. If you can find a person to socialize with her, it can give you a well needed break, allow you to tend to tasks, get out to get supplies or just go do something for yourself! Your comment "Mom does better when she has someone sitting and visiting with her." implies having someone who can just sit with her, perhaps also being able to provide drinks, snacks and some help in addition, would be very helpful to you. Obviously you have other things to take care of, and can't sit with her all day every day, so having someone there to keep her company might be all that's needed, for now.
As for going "home", it's best not to try to convince her she is home or that she can't go home. They get stuck on things like this and we just have to go along as best we can. 9 months after moving to MC, mom forgot her condo of 25 years and was focused on her mother and previous residence. During those 9 months, she hounded YB to take her back to that condo. Abruptly she asked me to drop her off at her mother's place on my way home (quick thinking, brushed it off until "tomorrow", which was "okay".) Right after accepting tomorrow, she asked if I had a key to the previous home. Basically she had a "step back" in time/memory to about 40 years ago. She remained in that "time" for several years after that. Different things she said confirmed the time frame and the grandkids born after that time were forgotten. My kids were on the cusp of that, so she was vaguely aware that I had kids, but YB's kids were almost 20 years younger and she had no clue who they were (despite having lived close by AND doted on them!)
indeed, my husband does not know who I am, after 65 years of marriage, but says "Hello, puppy" when we visit. Just to allay your oh-ohs, it does not bother me at all. 'Tis what it is. And he's content.
You should get another dog. There are so many needing a good home and love and it will benefit you and your mom
Have her dr give her a rather good evaluation. She may need
As she falls deeper into the rabbit hole, you will need to learn to accommodate her "reality" which has no relation to "our" reality. You will need to learn to visit her reality. Don't argue, reason or explain to her why she can't go home - come up with vague answers and direct her attention elsewhere if you can.. Give answers that calm and sooth her agitations. My dad was convinced that he owed people money and wouldn't stop talking about it until I told him that I had paid these fictitious debts.
In the meantime, while looking into long-term options, hire aides to come in and assist with mom, be a companion and visit with her.
Best wishes to you and your mom.
If she is getting aggressive, might talk to doc about something to calm her down a bit.
Was she evaluated for depression? Maybe due to the loss of your beloved doggie she could be depressed from that and could benefit from something to help with that.
You must have your hands full with a double amputee! Make are you are taking care of yourself too. Get some helpers, etc. Your health and well being are important too!
People can experience personality changes because of dementia. They may no longer have the emotional self control that they had when they were healthy. Her aggression may be telling you that she can't process what's happening to her. Even though she's with you, she may feel insecure or frightened. Her behavior is not a reflection of your relationship, try not to take it personally. Do not react in kind to her anger, step away. A response could be, “I'm sorry you're so angry mom, is there something I can do?”. Are there things that might soothe her behavior? A chocolate chip cookie or an ice cream cone often worked for my wife. Could you purchase her a stuffed dog? Some are even animated. Realize your mom has changed. Her anger may eventually wear off, but another challenge for you will replace it. The book Surviving Alzheimer's may help. It offers practical tips for caregivers.