My spouse is & was always a natural "question box," which, though mostly helpful in the long run, has grated even more on my nerves since our retirements.
He has most functioning mental capacities, but has some hearing loss & I've noted a short-term memory deficit over the last few years. I admit it is frightening for me to see him w/ the memory deficit.
Today, he asked me a question for the 4th time (had asked same question x 3 over the past several days). I told him we had decided our answer to this same question yesterday.
He got defensive & said I repeat things sometimes & said that at least he is nice enough not to remind me that I repeated something.
That comment stung. Am I wrong or "not being nice" in mentioning to him that he has asked me the same question before (every time he forgets he’s asked me a question)?
Thanks in advance for any suggestions.
Your husband's not-so-nice comment stung you, and your not-so-nice comment stung him. Compassion is best when dealing with one another's shortcomings.
My advice is to have him make an appointment with his PCP for a full medical workup including a cognitive evaluation. Then you'll both know what's going on and if any cognitive impairment is involved.
Good luck
”What is the weather like? “Alexa never tires or loses her temper.😀
We are kind of a sitcom with all our declining capabilities.
You get it. None of us are perfect. People looking in on a caregiving situation see something very different than what it actually is.
Like I told MakingItWork99 in the comments. There isn't a caregiver on earth who can honestly say they've never lost a moment of patience being in the dementia repeating loop.
I've been in elder homecare near 25 years and I've been there myself. I find the only way to maintain patience and not lose your cool is to ignore with kindness. This can mean trying to deflect their attention onto something else. It can also mean plainly saying, "Stop asking me that. I've already answered you many times. I'm not answering it again" when it's being asked. I've found this response to be effective in breaking certain repeating loops.
Before retirement, I was a trained, degreed professional in a related field, and one of the sorriest experiences in almost 45 years of marriage has been his absolute refusal to address his hearing loss.
Now, he has seen a very fine local ear/nose/throat specialist and HAS BROUGHT HOME a folder discussing the relationship between dementia and hearing loss.
Unless he has been formally tested, your husband’s “some hearing loss” may (or may not) be costing him FAR MORE than he is aware of.
Hearing loss can sometimes be remediate. Pig headed stubbornness is life long and gets worse with age. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
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