My spouse is & was always a natural "question box," which, though mostly helpful in the long run, has grated even more on my nerves since our retirements.
He has most functioning mental capacities, but has some hearing loss & I've noted a short-term memory deficit over the last few years. I admit it is frightening for me to see him w/ the memory deficit.
Today, he asked me a question for the 4th time (had asked same question x 3 over the past several days). I told him we had decided our answer to this same question yesterday.
He got defensive & said I repeat things sometimes & said that at least he is nice enough not to remind me that I repeated something.
That comment stung. Am I wrong or "not being nice" in mentioning to him that he has asked me the same question before (every time he forgets he’s asked me a question)?
Thanks in advance for any suggestions.
You're not wrong or "not being nice". What you are being is human and none of us are perfect. Expect in the future that you're going to get a bit cross or short-tempered when being asked the same question over and over and are repeating the same answer over and over.
There isn't a caregiver on earth who can honestly say that the dementia repeating loop never got to them. Or they never lost a moment of patience. We all do. Every last one of us. Don't guilt yourself or beat yourself up about it. You're not the only one this has happened to.
Sometimes you have to ignore with kindness and just stop answering or discussing something that's been answered or discussed hundreds of times already. This is for your own mental well being. Also, remove yourself from the caregiving situation when it's possible to. Take some time on your own away from your husband to take a break. Go to lunch with friends. Take a class. It doesn't matter just something you like doing.
Rachael Wonderlin
https://rachaelwonderlin.com/
https://rachaelwonderlin.com/dementiabyday/
and
Bob DeMarco
https://www.facebook.com/BobDeMarco
on how to understand what is happening and how to work with it. Most of all approach your husband with love, not annoyance. People with dementia know when someone is agitated and then they get more agitated themselves and more problems will arise. If you read Rachael and Bob, You will learn how to create an environment of emotional security for your husband. It will be hard, but you will do it.