My mother is obese and a heave smoker and has many health issues related to her bad decisions. Her house is nasty. She won't do even simple things like wash a disk or empty the trash. She expects me to take off work to constantly drive her to her many doctors appointments even though she can drive. When I talk to her about her driving or doing anything constructive about her house or her health, she says she doesn't 'feel' like it.
What appears as lazy might be health issues. I think your responsibility to your mother is to try to help her get her issues, whatever they may be, identified. When she has a treatment plan, if there are parts you can play to support her, that would be worth doing.
I'm afraid that just complying with her wishes may be enabling her to avoid dealing with whatever is the underlying problem.
Pls. help your mother as much as you can. What's the alternative?
love,
zoey and zulu
Have she had a emotional breakdown in the past?
Then maybe it's her life style thats destroying her from not doing anything?
Smoking is a nervous habit that releases tension...She is unhappy period!
Big question is how old is she?
If over 60 then I advise you to get some help for her but the last thing is to do is nag her about how she lives! She knows already...Nagging will make the situation worse!
Next time she wants you to drive? tell her you can't (take it slow) but send a message that you won't be at her becking call everytime. Go for a walk w/her to help get her exercise (even to the corner & back) You should know what makes your mom happy so rent a video of her favorite movie or did she ever dance? then buy her a cd of her favorite music & play it while both of you clean her house. She might perk up w/a change of pace?
But don't put her down...
"Build her up"
I would see if there is a way for her to cut down on the smoking. Smoking steals oxygen from the body and can rob people's energy. Tackling addictions is tough, but it would be nice if she could at least cut back. I wouldn't be surprised if she gains a little energy with every cigarette she leaves off during the day.
You don't really have any responsibility to clean up after your mother, but you may need to do things for your own peace of mind. I would say just do what you feel like you need to -- not for her, but for yourself.
My mother is very lazy, has been my entire life. She always wants and expects someone to do everything for her. It isn't a sign of aging. Again, she has been like this my entire life.
I have found, if we leave something, she will do it, eventually. It may take her two or three days, but she will put a wrapper in the garbage then complain that she has to do everything.
My parents' home needs new windows and siding. However, her bedroom is a hoarders paradise. She becomes defensive and mean when any of us tell her she needs to clean it so the workers can get in there. It's the one place she will not let anyone help her with. I can only imagine the things she has hidden in there!
I'm sorry I have no advice for you. But, I truly understand.