Family members who forget how their aging family member was always there for them and now that the aging family member is "old", simply don't have the time for even a visit. My mother was such a devoted mom. She was always there for her two children and never once was unavailable. She stayed in her abusive marriage to see her kids graduate from high school and always put her kids needs before her own. She never asked for anything. All she ever did was unconditionally love her kids; want the best for them in life; and be there should she ever be needed. It hurts me to have asked her family to make a day trip (four hour drive) to come see her. (She is now close to me logistically as I am the only family member to ensure she is receiving the necessary medical care. I have grown resentful of this so called family. I know that I will never get over my resentfulness but I try not to have this become a major issue in my life. I just don't understand how family can do this. I see so many elderly folks forgotten about. I am ashamed that our society is not more like some other places in the world where elderly family members are revered and their needs prioritized. Our country for whatever reason does not seem to feel this way when more than not families just don't take the time to simply stop by a nursing home and spend ten minutes to say I love you. Granted, there are families who love their aging parents and are there for them and I so respect this. I remain blessed to still have my aging parent and will do whatever I can to have her have the best quality of life I can. She deserves no less. She was always there for her family. So to those caregivers who are there for your aging family, hold your heads high. You are to be respected for all that you do. No one could have ever prepared me for the role of care giver but that's ok, it is one of the most important roles in my life and I embrace it and all of the challenges it presents because I love my mom and she would certainly do it for me.
My parents both prided themselves on making plans for their future in a nursing home (insurance of $100 day...wow) so we kids wouldn't be bothered. That was the talk of our generation. Social Security would handle it all, Medicare.
The Greatest Generation, freed from the ravages of the depression and WWII prided themselves on advancement and providing every new device and experience for their children. We believed it, and sorta assumed we'd do the same thing. But we didn't have the deprivation, nor the work ethic, nor the experience of saving the world from Hitler's evil.
In the Asian countries, even the sociopaths are less obvious, because they mimic behavior based on filial piety and responsibility. There is a cultural system of how elder care is provided, carried through the eldest son and his wife. In this country, inheritance laws generally do not base distribution of inherited wealth as who loved the most, nor who put in the most hours caregiving. However, you can do this in your own will...and suggest if kids abandoned you, that you leave your estate to friendly neighbors, the few genuine relatives. or some nonprofit.
guess i got the compassion in this family
Look for help from 'the family of man' instead of your biological family. We can all sit here and say (honestly) that we wish it didn't happen, that we wished that other family was 'there for us and them' but it may not happen. But all that will do is waste YOUR time and energy when it could be spend doing something better!
I will tel you that when she passes you mind will NOT be filled with what you should have done, but what you DID together! Oh, and to answer your question about whether you should call or not, my answer would be YES. Your mind will be at ease, but expect some unique reactions from 'them'.
I spent more time with my Mother and I know that when she passed, mine was a feeling of great loss, but also relief to know that she was no longer 'lost and suffering'. God rest your soul Mom... I will always love you!
In my case, I am angry and disappointed that my cousins who never so much as pick up a phone to find how things are going or to speak with mom. This simple act of concern would mean so much to both of us.
I try not to dwell on my disappointments. I can't let them interfer with what I need to do. Neither should you. Just keep moving forward. The day of reckoning will be here soon enough.