What I mean by the title is. I will be in the middle of something. When my mother suddenly (no emergency) wants my attention. After she has told me something else.
Today, There was a Christmas card from a family member for me to read. If I had waited, she would have assumed I wasn't going to read it. So, I chose to read it right away. While I was reading it. She started telling me about another family member, and asked me if I was listening to her. When I said 'No', she walked off in a huff.
This happens quite a lot. Yet, I try to respect her when she is in the middle of something.
Am I the only one experiencing this from a senior parent?
A support group leader told me to tell her that 'I am busy right now and will get back to you later' and to not be intimidated by any show of emotion on her part.
(Just one of the reasons, I am trying to find a way to move out.)
Twizard-She won't get her memory(or for that matter, anything else) tested, unless another family member mentions it to her. Even when I told her about getting her eyes' tested(because of her depth perception while she was driving) even though she has already had one operation for Fuchs Dystrophy. Which didn't really correct anything from what I have seen my mother do(multiple potential car accidents).
As for her forgetting I am a grown man. I think, under the surface, it has to do with respect to my physical health(brain aneurysm, hydrocephalus, epilepsy; brother only knee operations from playing soccer) and 'educational success' (I am a college dropout; brother a Ph.D.). Because, If she had the beginnings of dementia. Then why wouldn't she be treating my brother, and sister-in-law(also a Ph.D.), the same way. It is almost selective amnesia, selective respect.
As for wanting in the bathroom or talking to you through the door, she can forget that you are grown. LoL as nuts as that sounds, if she used to do that when you were a little child, she will think it is ok. They start returning to long ago realities, not today realities. Has she been tested for long term memory loss, dementia, etc?
GardenArtist-Thank you for the clarification
tacy022-I think that nurse was a great idea
ohJude-I agree. I get frustrated because. While she owns this house. I was talking with her yesterday, about a problem we are having with the town government. That directly affects me. She suddenly said a name I had never heard of. When I asked her if she meant someone else in the town government. She said she never remembered saying some words.
She even would talk to me through the bathroom door.
She wanted to get something out of the bathroom once, while I was taking a shower. I finally put my foot down about both those behaviors, and refused to allow her to repeat them. She finally got the picture. She doesn't do those things anymore.
Your Mum is not seeing you as a grown man she is still perceiving you as a child and the more you tell her you're 'all grown up' the more miffed she will get. If I don't eat WITH Mum she doesn't eat all her meals. If I sit and eat with her she will eat far better.
She clearly feels dependent on you yet can't quite get to grips that you are no longer dependent on her. As for the Christmas card issue, instead of just saying no - which is the honest response and I understand that - boy oh boy do I understand where you are coming from try saying no I have my mind on lunch/the weather/menidng the car/cutting the grass. I will be back in a bit - you write down anything you need to talk to me about so you don't forget and then we can talk when I have done my chores.
She might be more affable if she thinks you are doing things that benefit her
GardenArtist-I have a short-term memory problems, due to needed brain operations from 9mos.-old, to 9yrs.-old. They were because of congenital(since birth) health problems. So, While it is hard for me to remember, if I have to wait. I am not running to my mother to tell her something before I forget. I wait until she is finished(on the phone, watching a tv program, etc.). Unless it were a medical emergency, that required an immediate response.
Tea every 5mins.? The prep time would take too long for every 5mins..
I will think about something she enjoys.
But in an emotional sense. It is almost like she is a drill sargeant telling me to 'jump', and I am saying 'how high'.
When I put my foot down about being in the middle of something, she gets miffed.
Perhaps you can set aside 5 minutes an hour, or something like that less often, to go over what she wants to discuss.
Make it special by having tea, mulled cider or something she enjoys so she looks forward to it, rather than becomes resentful because you aren't available at the specific spontaneous time she wants attention.