My father has been widowed for 5 years. He waited 1 year and started dating. One lady after another. I do find it disgusting that he thinks this is appropriate behavior. Seeing 1 person at time is acceptable, but he now has 5 ladies he sees. I think this is horrible and a mockery to the beautiful marriage my Mom and he shared. Am I wrong? My daughter says I am being disrespectful.
It was really, REALLY hard to watch this happen, because Mom didn't ever not know her children until almost the end, but she seemed to forget Dad in a heartbeat. She HAD to, because her heart was broken, and it took me a while to understand that. From that point on, I accepted Mom's invisible husband as a part of the family. He even warranted a mention at Mom's memorial service, and her caregivers told me that Mom weathered the Covid lockdown much better than most of the residents because Dan never left her side.
Please understand that your dad needs companionship. Losing a spouse of so many years isn't merely heartbreaking, it's like losing a limb. He's not trying to replace your mother, but he is trying to feel whole and loved again and that's not something to get angry about.
My grandmother died 1966, and my grandfather held out for four years before remarrying. He was so certain his daughters would be upset that he didn't even tell them when he did get married. My mother was indeed livid (my aunt was not), and she had a cool relationship with her father's wife for the rest of their lives. Ruth (the new wife) was only five years older than my mother, so Mom was pretty bent about her father being a "dirty old man," but Ruth was nearly 50, had never been married, had worked for my grandfather in the 1940s, and they were very happy for 13 years until he died. It was really unfortunate that my mother never could quite forgive her father for wanting to feel whole again, because Ruth was part of our family until she herself died in 2018 and was the only grandmother I knew. (I was too young to remember my grandmother.)
Don't confuse your heartbreak at the loss of your parents as a unit with your father's loss of half of who he was. He's not required to martyr himself to your mother's memory by being alone for the rest of his life. Please be supportive and make sure his finances are well-secured just in case one of the lady friends isn't quite as ladylike as one would hope.
Quit judging and perhaps enjoy your own life
If Dad was dating one lady, I would think that should concern you more. Dad's just enjoying life. Be happy for him!
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