My father has been widowed for 5 years. He waited 1 year and started dating. One lady after another. I do find it disgusting that he thinks this is appropriate behavior. Seeing 1 person at time is acceptable, but he now has 5 ladies he sees. I think this is horrible and a mockery to the beautiful marriage my Mom and he shared. Am I wrong? My daughter says I am being disrespectful.
Marriage is death do us part. He is parted sorry to say.
Read other posts, lonely parent reaking havic on their kids, sit around like a lump.
These relationships are not the love llke Mom and Dad. This is about companionship and still feeling alive.
My friend waited only 3 months after her husband died. I thought she was heartless. What she was, was having been with the love of her life for 22 years and was so devastated he was cruelly taken from her by cancer that she found herself ALONE and BECAUSE SHE LOVED HIM SOOO MUCH, she wasn't heartless, she couldn't stand the thought of being alone and LONELY, HER HEART BEING TORN IN PIECES thinking it could never mend and her pain let her move ahead. She wasn't looking. God just gave her someone.
That being said, I have a couple of questions:
How did he treat your mother while she was alive?
How respectful was he? Loving? Faithful?
Remember what was and be at peace with it. Whatever bad happened can't be changed now. Whatever good there was should be treasured and remembered.
Do you feel he truly grieved the loss in a healthy way?
Are you upset because you think he is running from something or in denial about his pain?
Is he lying to the women and making any of them think they are his only lady friend?
Is he (sorry, we're adults here) sleeping with all or some of these women and therefore exposing himself to health risks?
Does he speak ill of your mother when he is around them or does he compare your mother to them in a negative way when he speaks to you?
If any of those things are going on, there are clear safety, health and emotional concerns you may need to find ways to address if possible. Depending on his and your religious beliefs, the situations above would again warrant concern and/or a discussion and prayer. But still, he is an adult so you can only do so much.
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Okay, so once you go through all those questions and scenarios, why else would your father's behavior be a problem?
If the reason is more about your preference for how he should grieve or honor your mother's memory / their relationship, it isn't fair to be upset with him for not meeting that expectation. Just as you would resist/resent him for being mad and or nagging you about something you do that isn't actually wrong, he as your father and elder, a grown man, deserves the same consideration.
Perhaps you think he should have put off dating longer? Or date only one woman at a time? Maybe you feel he should focus on finding a new spouse instead of dating for fun? Do you feel he shouldn't date at all? Or are you just upset he is spending more time dating than doing other activities?
While it's not your place to determine what he should be doing if his health and safety is not in jeopardy, it is important to figure out what is bothering you so you can work through that in your mind.
Take it from me. I learned the hard way I needed to separate what was necessary for me to be concerned about and what was not worth it or none of my business as far as my mom was concerned.
I hope this helped. I pray you can find peace. I'm sure you love your dad and I hope you can enjoy the time he still has by finding resolution within yourself. God bless you. I prayed for you and your dad.
You have heard of virtue signaling?
Some people just want to sound cool about sex, so try to ignore those who do not understand or appreciate that your father's behaviors might be upsetting to you.
The question was, "Should I be upset"....
You are forgetting that for men sex & love are Completely separate issues.
Not combined as they are for women
Lets the man enjoy his happiness.
Additionally when men are in emotional pain they seek out Lots of ladies to ease their pain
When women are in emotional pain, they shut down to other men
With all due respect, we come 'through' our parents, not from them.
Your father doesn't owe you, or anyone else justification for his choices.
That he has enough vitality & verve to hit on, & entertain multiple ladies is an inspiration at 70 let alone 80 or 90. Rather than sitting staring out of window or at a tv in a nursing home waiting for mr death is a miracle
Good genes, and positive thinking no doubt
Put yourself in their position-they loved their spouse "until death do us part." The did all that was required of them. Neither you nor I can keep a dead person alive forever.
Sadly she has passed on but your 90 yr old dad is still very much alive. It looks to me as though he is trying to make the most of what precious little time he has left.
Be thankful you still have a father in your life. He has earned his Stars and Stripes and now gets to play until it’s “ time to go”.
He would have to be a kind man to successfully date that many women at the same time without upsetting any of them. Put a smile upon your face at the thought of it all instead of being upset.
For surely he is a rare man indeed and as these women seem to respect him regardless, perhaps it’s time you did too.
Once we too age, we come to realise how precious life and this planet is, so do not begrudge him his happiness. Just try to find yours instead 😉
Your father is not like this, but I know of a daughter who was upset because her father was a serial marriage/divorce/marriage/divorce/marriage/divorce kind of guy.
The adult daughter came to love and include each new wife in their family.
After the fifth divorce, she told her father that she was not going to exclude (divorce) the last ex-wife, and kept her as family.
A father's actions and lifestyle do affect his family profoundly. If you don't want to tolerate your Dad's dating or include these strangers in your family, you can cut or decrease contact with him without guilt. imo.
Not focusing on what Dad is doing will help you be less upset. He sounds like a busy guy anyway. Let everyone else do for him what you have been doing.
Quit judging and perhaps enjoy your own life