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Seriously?

We live with "hook up", an app that people use just to have sex. People of every age and you don't even have to buy her a drink.

College girls have a club called the "finish line" to get senior gentleman and become their whores, room, board, allowance and sex.

STDs are rampant in all parts of society and a 90 year old, single (widowed) man has enough life history to understand the risks. But at 90 does he care?

Sorry but, I don't think it's any of your business and I agree with your daughter. He lost the love of his life, waited a respectful amount of time and is seeking some happiness, not a thing wrong with that.
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Yeah... you're very wrong, and he is not being disrespectful to his deceased wife.

Glad he's healthy enough to find happiness in some way, many that reach 90 don't get that. If he was living with one in a committed relationship and cheating on her that would be one thing; but there is nothing wrong with playing the field and dating different people.
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Everyone is being a bit coy about what ‘dating’ means. If he is having sex with all 5 at the age of 90, he’s doing pretty well. He’s certainly living up to the wish to ‘die hard’, but there are infection risks. If he’s just flirting with a bit of hand-holding thrown in, and the women are enjoying it too, it sounds like a good way to fill in time while waiting for the grim reaper.

There are lots of lonely people out there, and lots of older men and women who would love a hug or two. Most people don’t really like to think or talk about their children or their parents being sexual, but if it wasn’t that way we would have a population problem now!
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sp19690 Nov 2021
STDs are actually rampant in many senior living communities. Someone needs to teach these seniors about safe sex and getting tested for STDs.
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Wow! What's his technique? He's not making a mockery of their marriage... he's lonely. Companionship is what we all seek and need, even at 90 y/o. Your not being disrespectful unless you're castigating him for his behavior. I'm sure it's hard seeing him with other than your mom. It'll all end when he gets them mixed up.
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More than likely he is rekindling his youth without intending any disrespect to your mother. Better he play the field than suddenly become serious with one and want to get married again quickly.

They say as we age our roles reverse and it’s never been more clear than with you and your dad. However, he’s an adult, and I assume has no cognitive decline. Let him enjoy being alive and feeling young and don’t tie him to a wheelchair yet just to please yourself.
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Well, maybe he's just experiencing High School all over again. I often had 4-5 guys that I was dating at the 'same time'. It's called a social life and I, for one, am glad I got to know so many people.

"stringing along" seems a funny term. In honesty, a single man in a NH is like catnip to a cat. There's probably a 10-1 ratio of single women to men.

Keep an eye on hid finances, not everyone os just out to enjoy the weather, so to speak.
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I would be annoyed if my mother was seeing 5 men after my father died, absolutely. If my mother died first and my father was dating 5 women, I'd say more power to him because my mother treated him in a filthy manner for their 68 years together.

I do agree with you, though, that dating 1 woman at a time is the better and more respectful way to go. If a younger man were stringing 5 women along at the same time, we'd call him all sorts of ugly names, but if he's 90, it's somehow okay? I don't think so. Same rules of decency apply to ALL men of ALL ages at ALL times, imo.
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MarshallW Nov 2021
I agree with you rules of decency but those apply to someone who is letting the women believe they are the only one and there is a future for them in the relationship. Young men or old men dating 5 different women without declaring 'going steady' or a permanent relationship is, as someone here noted, called 'playing the field'. The ladies must know there is not much future in a 90 year old when they go out with him to have an enjoyable time unless they are scammers.

There was no mention of where he lives and if it is in an Assisteted Living or a LTC facility then there might be concern about his getting booted out if the ladies are within and there ae complaints. There is concern if the 5 ladies are a lot younger and potential scammers trying to get his inheritances but those facts we don't know and in absence of them, it seems very reasonable for him to enjoy his remaining years if this is one of the routes he wishes to take.

As others have said, this does not reflect on the legacy of his marriage and he kept his projmise 'til death do us part' and memories remain. Having memories is wonderful but it is not the present and not an activity.
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I would only worry if there is a possibility that he would impregnate one or more of them.
If the ladies don't mind then it should not bother you.
What your dad does now when dating does not reflect on how he treated your mom or their marriage. The fact that is he probably can not find 1 good enough to hold a candle to your mom.
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It has nothing to do with your mother or his marriage. Let him be. Be thankful his health allows him to date and enjoy life.
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Why would you be upset? Instead you should be happy that your father is still enjoying himself at the age of 90, and is still healthy enough to keep up with 5 women. I say more power to him.
I think this more about you than your father, and it may be something that you need to work through. You know your fathers time here on this earth is very limited at this point, so perhaps it's just best to let him be and let him enjoy whatever time he has left.
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You may need to lighten up and watch the movie: "Must Love Dogs", 2005.
Christopher Plummer plays the father. Diane Lane and Christopher Cusack star.

Or, another movie not done as tastefully is: "Boynton Beach Club" 2005, with
Sally Kellerman, Joseph Bologna, Len Cariou, Brenda Vaccaro, Dyan Cannon,
and Michael Nouri.

Dad is never going to find someone as special as your Mom, his wife.
But to impose your sensitivities on your father is wrong. Does he live with you?

And, even though he doesn't have to date by your rules, there could be concerns. I believe each woman should be aware of the others existence in case your father's mind is not working right and if there were to be intimacy, someone should be practicing safe sex. Apologies if this offends.

Watch the movies and think about the daughter's responses to their father's dating. See if you can find a comfort zone for yourself. Watching the movies could be the best and least expensive therapy you could ever need. (Not that you need therapy-your being upset is very normal., imo). These movies are romantic comedies-you may get a laugh.

You can be upset if you want to be.
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Go Daddy Go!
(I'm assuming none of the ladies are 20 years old and out to scam him.
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sp19690 Nov 2021
Yeah cause they're with him for his youthful looks. Lol.
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How long were he and your mother married? My guess is that they were married for some time. I would lighten up and give your dad a break. At 90 odds are he won't be able to keep this habit up for long. I say just let him have his fun while he can. He waited a length of time after your mom died to start new relationships. My dad died 21 years ago and my mom refuses to even think about having any male friends, and def no Boyfriends. I wish she would because she thinks I'm her second husband. If my mom had 5 boyfriends then she might be get the attention she wants and I could go back to being a functional adult.
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There is no doubt that the adult children of parents who date after the death of their other parent have an emotional reaction to it, so I'm not faulting you for that. But, your father is not a martyr and he's 90 and was probably/hopefully faithful to you mom, and now very probably lonely...so why not? What's the harm? As long as he's being protected against any predatory girlfriend, or catphishing scams, I say he should enjoy himself in whatever healthy ways he chooses. Many elders his age are lonely and unhappy and rely on their children to be their constant entertainment...so count this as a blessing. It doesn't besmirch your mother's legacy in any way, IMO.
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Its called "playing the field". No problem with it unless he is making each lady feel she is the only one. He is 90, not too many years left to enjoy himself. Mom has passed and I don't feel it reflects at all on ur parents marriage. Maybe none of the ladies are looking for anything permanent, they just enjoy dating Dad. Let him have his fun. Better than sitting around the house with nothing to do.
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