My 98 yr old grandmother came to live with me last month, she has no short term or long term memory. Has to ask “where am I supposed to sleep” every time, has to ask where bathroom is every time. Does not know who I am, other than that she’s in really good health her only medication is a breathing treatment twice a day.😞
When someone has dementia/Alzheimer's it's important that those caring for them enter their world, and just go along with whatever they say or do. It can be challenging for sure, but in the long run it will keep the peace. Bless you for taking care of your grandmother. You must be a very special grandchild.
Be thankful that she remembers to use the bathroom and is willing to go to bed. Imagine having to toilet her or change her diapers. Imagine her screaming that she needs to go home so she can go to bed.
I know this is hard but, you have to look for the blessings in everything that you do with and for her.
My grannie was able to enjoy a coca-cola, playing toss with a stuffed animal and going for walks. She couldn't ask for the bathroom and she couldn't get out of her wheelchair to use it if she could, 2 person assist as she was dead weight. However, making her laugh was the best thing ever. She could only live in the moment and that is where your grandma is. Try to make the moments memorable for you.
If you feel like you have taken on more than you imagined, that's okay, you must speak up and get her into the care that will be best for everyone. If not, you both will suffer needlessly.
From there, answer her questions truthfully and in a way that, again, will mean something to her. I doubt if that will include using the term "dementia" specifically, but it is fine to explain to her that her memory is not working as it should, so she and you will find other ways to manage.
How are you getting on with the tedious questions? One trick to stop yourself grinding your teeth over them is to pretend that, just as she doesn't remember the answer, you don't remember her having asked before.
You will find lots of good advice and guidance on this forum and whenever you have a question or need to vent.... just log on and type. This forum is open 25/8!
1 pm, she won’t know what you told her by 1:03.
My LO isn’t in a “bit of a fog”. Far more advanced than that. She spoke to another relative on Monday about graduating from HS in 1946. When SHE gives us a starting point, we pick up right there, hoping that what SHE said in relation to herself will STILL, at least briefly, have some meaning for her.
Short term memory is going to impact remembering where she sleeps and where the bathroom is. About all you can do is guide her there. As others noted, being in good health and still able to use the bathroom is a good thing! She sounds like she's not hard to deal with, just has memory issues.
Also note that moving disorients people who have cognitive issues. If she left a home that she'd been in for many many years, she might have been okay navigating, but now she's moved and with short term memory loss, she can't retain the information.
So, it this considered a permanent move? Will she stay with you until the end? That could end up being a few years. Are you able to do that? When she needs more physical help, can you provide it? If you have a job, are you working from home, so you can be there? If so, will you have to return to work when lock downs are removed? If so, who will be there with her? She clearly can't be left home alone.
Tell her that she is safe.
Tell her that you love her.
Tell her you will be there for her when she needs help.
Hold her hand.
Give her a hug, if you get one back all the better.
For yourself...
Ask for help when you need it.
Accept help when it is offered.
Hire caregivers to help. (grandma pays for them with her assets.)
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