My bro ( 1 year older), moved in to help w/ dad & he's a Godsend. He shares the care-giving load w/ me & understands Dad's increasing overall needs. Dad's 86. My other bro, (2 years older), lives in Cali. He has med POA & POA over Dad's financial matters. Our younger sis, 2 1/2 yrs. younger than I), lives in a 2 bdrm/2 bath apt. about 10 miles away. She has become totally financially dependent on our Dad:1) Comes BEFORE the 1'st of the month to make sure she picks up our dad to get ALL her bills paid BEFORE he can pay his. 2) Comes to pick him up each week to shop for food & supplies for her & her 2 cats. Now Dad is borrowing $$ to pay his own bills & has literally NOTHING to show for the debt he has incurred. For a while, I helped my sis, oldest bro helped her, & Dad, too. I found out & oldest bro & I stopped giving her $$. If I pay for something for dad, he lets me. After a while, I started to become strapped for cash, so now I insist Dad pay out of his $4500/ month in teacher retirement & SS check. I've done all I can & cannot satisfy my sis's insatiable appetite for more than she or everyone has, as she certainly has delusions of grandeur. It is literally hurting the whole family- financially. No one can get her to stop. She has POA if our oldest bro can't take care of Dad's finances from Cali. where he lives. Can't get Dad to let the siblings he's delegated to take over OR to tell my sis, "No." No one even talks to my sis any more, because she sneaks around. I text my oldest bro, (w/POA), every time sis comes to let him know. He has stopped returning my texts. The debt is so bad that Dad was already broke by the 8th of this month (May)! What can be done??? Thanks for your help! blou
Your brother who lives in California can easily take on the financial role without having to live in the same area. I have taken over my Dad's finances... all his bills now come to my house and I have all the checkbooks where my names are on the checks saying "or Jane Doe" so that I can sign the checks. Dad has zero checks to use where he lives, he doesn't need them. Dad always likes to have at least $25 in cash in his wallet and that can last him for months. Dad still have his credit card to use for doctor appointments or once in a great while when his caregiver takes him out for fast food treat, Dad will insist on paying.
If your Dad has a credit card, time to take it away from him... it won't be easy as one feels they have independence have a credit card. Or if he insists on having one, get him a new one that has a low max limit.
And for someone to erase the word ATM off of your Dad's forehead.
Mentioning cards, I have another thought about the debit card. You can stop your dad's debit card by speaking to the bank and asking them to order him a new card to replace the old one, but have them send that card to you if you intend on taking over his affairs. Make sure the two cards don't get mixed up. The bank should have a card shredder for old cards, they should shred the old one for you. I should also mention that I like the idea of someone mentioning APS, definitely go that route. They may not act right away without what they consider the right amount of information, they need as much information as possible from as many informants as possible. I faced this with my foster dad when I had to go secretly speak to APS due to our situation because I was definitely in no position to take on the full task of caregiving. This was well outside of my abilities and I need outside help. Don't be disappointed if APS doesn't jump right away, they may not. Don't be discouraged, they'll eventually step in if you're persistent. Don't give up or give in, hang in there!
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