Youngest sibling of 4, is spending all Dad's money and sending him into enormous debt. How do we stop her?

Just a reminder: Yes the POA can do all of the bill paying from another state, and establish a separate account which Dad and the folks who are caring for him to access for daily other needs. Its just that the son POA in the other state has to be engaged at that level, not passive and sitting by or unwilling to step in and make choices.

Gosh, I feel sorry for dad in this. Dad's are wired to protect and take care of their children, he probably feels responsible for the daughter, yet he knows at some level that she is fleecing him and using him. Poor guy.

You have wonderful advice here - and need to have you and your responsible siblings take over finances. Dad will probably be relieved.

My sister's MIL was supporting two mooching 50-ish sons because 1) she is their mom - we seem programmed to always support our kids and 2) because she felt guilty - had she raised them better they wouldn't be this way and 3) they had children and she didn't want the grandkids to suffer.

My sis's husband took over MIL finances when she turned 75 and he gets to play the heavy. She refers mooches to responsible son who says "no, mom doesn't have the money for that" Yes, there have been fights and threats of grandchildren losing their homes - has it happened? no, moochers - who are fully employed, find a way to pay.

What a horrible, emotional, awful mess and shame on your sister. Good luck to you and your brothers & let us know how it all turns out. I'll do a happy dance the day I read your post that mooching lazy bum sister found the tap turned off.

Boy that sounds familiar what you need to do like others said get your dad to direct deposit and then do auto pay all his bills where they take all his money and pay his bills first before it can even be distributed to anyone that's what you should do then you won't worry about her even getting to it tell your dad what's going on

Another thing I was thinking when someone mentioned credit cards, what I would do is try to get a hold of any credit card bill coming to his house. What you can do is see if the post office will forward all of his mail to your house or PO Box. That way, you have a much better chance of getting a hold of the credit card bills. What you can do next it is call each credit card company and stop all of the cards. Another thing you can do if he needs a nursing home is to just not pay any more money to those credit card companies. Those credit cards are actually considered low priority by law, so you pay them as you can. First, straighten out your dad's financial situation before tackling any debt. When it's time to tackle the debt, use his money to pay down the debt until it's paid off and don't let any more be charged. This is why I strongly suggest stopping all of his cards.

Mentioning cards, I have another thought about the debit card. You can stop your dad's debit card by speaking to the bank and asking them to order him a new card to replace the old one, but have them send that card to you if you intend on taking over his affairs. Make sure the two cards don't get mixed up. The bank should have a card shredder for old cards, they should shred the old one for you. I should also mention that I like the idea of someone mentioning APS, definitely go that route. They may not act right away without what they consider the right amount of information, they need as much information as possible from as many informants as possible. I faced this with my foster dad when I had to go secretly speak to APS due to our situation because I was definitely in no position to take on the full task of caregiving. This was well outside of my abilities and I need outside help. Don't be disappointed if APS doesn't jump right away, they may not. Don't be discouraged, they'll eventually step in if you're persistent. Don't give up or give in, hang in there!

I just got to thinking of something. I'd be curious to know what kind of income your sister has and the source. If your dad is going to help her, then make her repay it out of her check, this should be a rule if she's going to have anyone helping her. If someone lends her money, someone should put the screws to her and make her repay them out of her check. If she has no income and has no intent on getting a job or getting on some kind of government benefits, then the only thing to do is to have everyone just stop giving her money, including your dad. If no one talks to your sister anymore, that should be a strong message right there that she has a problem. I think she's probably taking advantage of your dad because no one else will give her money. If she has no income whatsoever, what will she do to get by when even your dad can no longer give her money? This is going to have to be a question for you I'll ask her when you have a family meeting. I would first meet privately with her and your dad but do it separately. Firstly, meet with your dad. That way, your dad already has a heads up on what's going on and changes that will be made on his behalf. I wouldn't do this until you get a grip on his finances and take over his money. Meeting with him should be the next step after the fact you secretly gained access to his financial affairs. You don't have to necessarily let him know what's going on. When someone took guardianship of my foster dad, neither of us knew this was in the making, it just happened, which was a big surprise to us both. I think what happened is the APS got the ball rolling but no one said there was a secret court meeting behind the scenes. Neither of us knew the changes that were secretly taking place regarding his bank account either. I for one didn't know what he was doing during the day when I was not with him, but he thought someone was stealing his money which was not really happening. He had a joint account with someone on it. The bills were paid on time in full each month so there was no debt. Groceries were always covered and there was money left over to split between the parties. Despite explanation, dad kept forgetting past conversations and discussions. This can be frustrating when someone has dementia because you find yourself in such a bind that you don't really know what to do or where to turn. It's not until the right help unexpectedly comes along and takes over even if it happens to be without warning.

What I would do when confronting your sister is when it's her time to be spoken with privately, I would ask her how much she really loves her dad or if she even does. Explain to her that if she really loves her dad that she would think of his needs. If she claims to care and consider his needs, show copies of records where she has spent all of his money, leaving him broke. Now, ask her how she would like it if the roles were switched and she was always broke having nothing to show for all of the money being spent. I would definitely ask her if she has any income. I would find out the source of her income. What I would do next if she happens to work is call her employer and explain that she's stealing federal benefits from an incompetent and disabled person. You could also alert the IRS and report her for having unreported income. Explain the same situation that she's been stealing federal benefits from your dad and has not reported any of the income. They can't touch SSI or any other federal benefits, but they can go after her and audit her. They can definitely go after her big time. Courts can order her to repay the money or they can take other appropriate action and put her in jail.

As for your dad, I would also get a hold of Social Security on your his behalf if I were you. If his sister happens to also be getting Social Security, report her for fraud and tell Social Security she's stealing federal benefits from another recipient. She'll be heavily penalized. If she gets food stamps or even Medicaid, I would contact the department of human services as well as the Medicaid office.

When it's time for a family meeting, I would definitely have the rest of the family involved in a future meeting. Definitely cover all of your findings and changes that will be made. Explain the guardianship is the only way to protect your dad from future exploitation. The family meeting would be a perfect time to encourage your sister to plan repayment to your dad from her own finances. If she has any of her own money, I don't know where she's spending it, but she needs a reality check. She needs to face reality on living large, because most people just can't afford it. With people hurting financially these days, no one can afford to support someone else. If this person insists on living large, she must support it herself out of her own money. It's not fair to everyone else if she lives large off of everyone else's backs.

Another thing I was thinking when someone mentioned credit cards,

I don't know how many other people have seen your profile but I have. As mentioned here, I too noticed where you mentioned your dad having dementia and Alzheimer's. This means he's most likely in competent and someone needs to take over all of his affairs through guardianship. Had he been competent to still make his own decisions, I would've most likely had to say that I'm not sure there's much you could do. However, since your dad is most likely incompetent, someone needs to be appointed as his guardian even if it happens to be a big shot lawyer. Your dad's incompetence is exactly why someone is stealing from him. I don't know whether or not these loansharks have picked up on something being wrong with him, but I think you should find out where he's borrowing money. What I would do on the day the sibling picks him up you secretly follow them to see where they're going to get money. When you find out then you can intervene. What you need to do is speak to whoever dealt with him and maybe even follow them in and speak to the teller waiting on the customers. Wouldn't it be surprising for you to show up at just the right time as your dad is about to borrow money? Oh what a shock it would be!
What you can do is have the sibling's POA overturned and go for guardianship if you can provide proof of where all of your dads money has been going. What you can also do through the courts is to order the sibling to repay all of the money she has taken from your dad. Borrowing from loansharks puts you in debt, making it hard to get out. People on fixed income just can't afford this kind of debt, and loansharks often prey on people who don't can't afford it, It's often the unfair fees that hurt people financially. One good example of a loanshark is a payday loan place, definitely avoid those kinds of places like the plague.
I don't know if your dad has direct deposit, but since he's probably getting some form of pension, he should have direct deposit. You can also set up online banking and make sure his bills are paid. All you need is the name, address and phone number of the person you're paying, an account number, and the amount on the bill. If he's paying rent, you should be able to make up an account number such as a house number. It's easy to set up online bill pay from your end, but never ever ever give anyone access to your account because it's too risky. I don't know if your dad carries any cash, but it would probably be a good idea for him to stop if he does. This will help make it harder for the sibling to get any more money. If this sibling has access to your dads bank account or even his debit card, you can move your dad's money to a new account and hang on to the new debit card. That way, the sibling whose taking advantage of your dad won't have any more of your dad's money.

I am very curious who is lending money to Dad. Your profile shows that Dad has Alzheimer's/Dementia, so does he still drive to the bank or a pay-day center to obtain these loans?

Your brother who lives in California can easily take on the financial role without having to live in the same area. I have taken over my Dad's finances... all his bills now come to my house and I have all the checkbooks where my names are on the checks saying "or Jane Doe" so that I can sign the checks. Dad has zero checks to use where he lives, he doesn't need them. Dad always likes to have at least $25 in cash in his wallet and that can last him for months. Dad still have his credit card to use for doctor appointments or once in a great while when his caregiver takes him out for fast food treat, Dad will insist on paying.

If your Dad has a credit card, time to take it away from him... it won't be easy as one feels they have independence have a credit card. Or if he insists on having one, get him a new one that has a low max limit.

And for someone to erase the word ATM off of your Dad's forehead.

The brother with the POA isn't the one caring for the father. He should turn it over to the brother that is doing the caregiving. Brother with the POAs is too far away.

Why hasn't your older brother stopped her from getting the money? He lives there and has the POA? Is he afraid of her? Tell your brother to say no to her the next time she comes by for money. Sounds like the whole family is tired of enabling her and it is about time ya'll did this.

Also, how is Dad accruing debt? Does he have a credit card which he buys things with? What is the balance on the credit cards? Or is he taking loans or some other form of debt? Does he trust YOU enough to let you know this information? Would the older brother resign as POA or not? Voluntary resignations with successors are always good! Why didn't the older brother POA put a stop to this already?

You all should sit down and have an intervention with Sis. However, it is likely not to do any good. It didn't with my brother. I got POA and took over my mom's finances to stop the "bleeding".

Why the heck are the rest of you not getting your dad to direct deposit his money and then paying his bills for him. Your brother who is living with him could write out his checks and pay his bills then there would be no money for your sister to swindle. You all need to sit down with him and tell him his bills must be paid first and that he cannot continue to support your sister. Then sit her down and let her know the free ride is stopping so she better get a job.

We need to know in some detail how competent your father is, and then who in the family has the largest demonstrated 'gift' of ethics and fairness and balance to others. Also, what is wrong with your sister who needs money from him? Then we can help you the most. We can give you information and ways to work through this. Also, do you know his total assets? (pension, SS, other, home)?

What !! Stop this right now or your Father is going to be in trouble w/getting Medicaid if he has to go into a home. Call APS today and get it stopped. I can't believe 3 siblings let this go on for so long. Tell the sister today she is cut off and follow thru she has been enabled for way to long by everyone so this won't be easy. Nothing she is doing is in the best interest of your dad.

Call APS. A POA has to act in the best interests of the person they are representing. If they arent, a court can revoke their POA.