I talked to Mom this morning and she was upset because she felt like one of my siblings had taken some thread, needles, and some misc things that she wanted certain siblings to have. Mom tends to throw away, give away, or just plain misplace(I've went over there and found these things before so it does happen) and she told me she was going to the Sheriff's department and report this sibling. I'm so over my other siblings(other than this one-who gets blamed for everything as well as I do) believing these things that this is it for me. No more will I go over Mom's nor listen to this stuff. She is beyond being sick--Mom was like this before Parkinson/dementia and she will never change.
She also had accused me of taking pictures before and I go over and find them or tell her on the phone where she puts them but she gets all the other siblings involved and then "forgets" to tell them that she or I have found them which after their calls to me I tell them where they were.
Does anyone else have these problems? Like I said Mom has always been like this, she loves to stir up problems amongst us siblings and I'm so over it.
I think this will break my siblings heart and that she will never, like me, will go over and see Mom again..which is a shame since we are the only ones that does things for Mom. Thanks for listening.
If this continues you are going to be very sorry because it is going to get worse with your Mom and her stories and you cannot keep blaming each other for things your Mom says.
My mother has moderate dementia and she loses things all the time and then accuses my sister and I of taking them or throwing them away. She kept losing the checkbook so I had to take it away and hide it from her, so it would not wind up in the trash. This behavior is PART OF THIS DISEASE.....IT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE FIGHTING OVER WITH YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS!
You all have got to grow up and cut out the BS between all of you. Someone in your family has got to be the sane person who is going to help take care of Mom not beat the crap out of each other over things that Mom has said.
At Christmas we were taking pictures and I told Mom to smile and she refused, saying that I had told her that she had a terrible goofy smile! I said, "Mom when did I ever say that?" I was crying and my other family members were looking at me like I was a horrible person. My sister finally said, "Don't worry we know it's the disease talking!" I was horrified, but everyone realized that this is all part of the disease and knew that I would never say or do anything to hurt my Mom.
We all have had the same exact problems that you are having. The problem is you believe that the statements she is making are rational even if they are mean or blaming someone else for her problems. What you have not realized is that she is VERY ILL and none of you can believe these outrageous statements any longer. You have got to realize her accusations are without merit. Rather than calling the next sibling and screaming at them you need to feel sorry for Mom and her false accusations and you need to stand together as a united front....the bickering and fighting between you all has to stop now.
There are support groups all across the United States, you all need to attend the meetings and learn about her disease so you can better understand what is happening and how best to handle her and each other.
Good Luck and God Bless you All!
I remember how helpful it was when a social worker told me that my mother's behavior was very typical of dementia. She'd forget where she put something and accuse us of taking it. She's gotten so bad that she forgets where she put things she hasn't even OWNED in 40 years and accuses us of taking them.
When someone comes over from Home Health Care, etc., she tells them awful lies about how we abuse her and how mean we are. I called her on that one day as it was happening, and told her that if she felt she was not getting adequate care from her daughters, then we would find a care facility for her where she would have full-time professional medical care 24/7. She knows that means nursing home, so she stopped her complaining and lying.
I normally would not say anything but this time my sister needs to know so she can be prepared if she gets a visit from the sheriff's dept..which another sister said they would just laugh and leave it at that but I'm not so sure about that.
I figured if I stay out of the picture either everyone else(which I seriously doubt) will step up to plate and "See" what's going on or Mom will end up in the nursing home on her own accord.
I know you love your Mom as I do mine but mine is really pushes that sometimes and this is one of them. I just need some time away from this stress. Hugs
My mom accused an neighbor and my brother of breaking into her bank and stealing money, etc....it was not possible. She is stuck on this and it hurt my sibs feelings, but we ignore. She reported to police but couldn't get her story straight, then police called me and I explained her condition and they didn't pursue.
She brings the same incident up, accused me of stealing other things which I go over and locate for her. Unfortunately, this is a vicious cycle. I admittedly have to be in the mood, calm and well rested to deal with her and that's how I cope. I'm not full time caregiver so I don't chose to deal with it unless I have to.
I'm sorry you are going thru this. Please talk with sibs and family and have everyone understand its the disease and even though she was like this previously the age and disease exascerbates this condition. Ignore what you can. Explain to your other sibs you don't want this to tear you apart and when each hears the "crap from mom" to not jump to conclusions.
When you can't stand it, tell her to go ahead and call the police but they will then know she has dementia and these accusations will be unfounded....
Bottom line is, right now I need to stay away from her until I feel more calmer. I have 2 more Chemos to go and then surgery and this will help me to feel better without all of this stress with Mom. Thanks for listening..
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