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So sorry about his daughter. I have a brother who lives with a lady and his daughter said to me one time that she wouldn't be able to get anything out of his house because of his girlfriend. It was a harsh realization. All you could do is speak to an attorney. Do you really want to put yourself through that though? I wouldn't unless it was a clear cut case of abuse. Personally I can live with a lawyer ripping me off a whole lot easier than my siblings.
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suzmarie. In some twisted way it was a mixed blessing. He had been quite ill and needed a lot of in-home care which she arranged and was in an area with higher caliber hospitals. It is the covert way it was done - and to have me blacklisted regarding my own husband's care… I suspect that initially she thought it would make me go away, but it drew us closer. I happened to be with him when he decided on Hospice and the loving way he looked at me when he said "let's go home" is something that will always remain with me. The last time his daughters saw him was in our home and they were on a mission to be disrespectful to me - not to see their dad. They even left without saying goodbye. So, they USED a dying man, their father.
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My name was on my father's POA and I knew nothing about the POA until after he passed away. My Sister never told me that she had my father's draw up one and had both our names on it. There are decisions I would have made to stop their taking advantage of him!
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Woah. POA has the final say but that power should be used when their is disagreement among people as to what to do/and/or if a decision had to be made at the bedside for example. Ideally, a family would always work together no only to brainstorm options but to arrive at a best decision for a loved one. THE POA does not have to act uni latterally and can involve everyone in the family...there just must be one legal voice when decision time comes. POA's should not be acting in the ways described in this thread so I would be concerned. Mom's surgeon told me to acquire poa prior to moms difficult surgery in 07; my sister refused to talk to me so mom and I had to proceed with out her; we couldn't delay mom having surgery ....so i was named poa with sister and her husband as back ups (without their consent since they were not talking to us but it made sense for mo's 2nd daughter to have the poa)....When i notified sister i was #1 an she was #2 she became angry...but she woulnt talk to us and I guess she just figured we would sit around and wait or sit around and argue with her...no...for mom's sake we did not sit around and had poa drawn. sister hasn't spoken to us in 6 years.
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the stealth ways of obtaining poa are sickening. Prayers to all of you.
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I am currently the primary caregiver for my 85 year old mother. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. My older sister and I were named POA's for my mother about 2 years ago. My sister is named as an "authorized signer" on mom's checking account, but I am writing out her checks and paying her bills, with Mom signing the bottom of the checks. I went to the bank to ask that I be put on as an authorized signer as well so that I could sign the checks if Mom is unable to do so. The person at the bank said that someone should be listed on the account as a "co-owner" because if left the way it is when she dies the account would be frozen and no checks could be written on the account by anyone until her estate was settled. So my mother, who was present at the bank with me, said to go ahead and put me on as a "co-owner" of the account. We needed my sisters' signature on the new signature cards and when I asked her to sign the papers she went throught the roof and said she was resigning as Mom's POA as well. Don't we need her resignation in writing? Does Mom have to do new POA papers to choose who she wants to act as her POA? I am still willing to act as her POA as I am doing everything for her at this time. Do we need to see a lawyer?
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There should have been a 2nd and 3rd POA listed in the original. If someone wishes to resign their POA I don't know the legal steps. Call Legal Aid or Aging services first gather info and then when you are loaded with info get the law from an attorney. Also call the bank, a bank, .....several banks. They often know this procedure and it also comes to mind, hospitals and other places might have other requirements when the POA changes. I hope you will share the legal outcome of this so we all learn something.
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My sister set up bill pay on my mothers account. Sh didn't ask for my mothers permission...but the bills had to be paid. My mother has dementia and I am my Mothers power of attorney? I have asked my sister to turn over the password and I would take over the bill pay and she refuses. What now?
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Setting up bill pay is a good thing ... but if you are the POA it is a good thing you should do. How did Sister have access to your mother's account?

You could create a new account for your mother, transfer all of her money into it, cancel all the bill paying out of the old account, and set it up again in the new account, without ever giving her password, etc. to other parties. You have a responsibility to protect your mother's funds from unauthorized use. Let us hope that Sister was just trying to be helpful and that she would never consider withdrawing money for herself. But hoping isn't the same as protecting against such a possibility.

Mother's account has been compromised. Set up a new one.
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Assess your dad's daily needs, meals,htgeene, everyday caring;M GO FOR THERE.
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NO
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Why is ths situation so common? It makes me so sad. My oldest sister (cruella) had POA and joint tenancy for mom but rarely spoke to her an made it clear that she thought she should get everything when mom passed. About 8 years ago when mom was 79 she made it clear that she wanted me in charge. Cruella refused and we had to hire an attorney. Several threatening lawyer letters and $2500 later it was taken care of. Now mom has dementia and is in AL. My sisters don't even know because they haven't spoken to mom in 2 years. I couldn't imagine what a hlish nightmare is be in in I was feaking with all the legal stuff right now on top of moving mom, etc. if dad is still competent get a lawyer and sit down with him and have a serious talk. If he's not competent, hire a lawyer and ask about an incompetency hearing; that's your first step. I don't know your family, but in my experience your sisters reticence to include you spells trouble. Good luck!
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