I just found out my sister went to my father behind my back and basically told him she can take over as power of attorney. This matter was never discussed between us. My father agreed, the state he is in, he will agree to anything- he doesn't care anymore what happens and told me so. I suggested that we share POA and she flipped on me and refuses to even consider the option. My father used to talk to me about concerns he had when my sister was acting as POA over my mom and I defended her left and right. Now, though, that she is so insistent that I not be involved it is making me wonder if I have a reason to be concerned about him too. She is not even open to sitting down with someone to discuss our options together. She is more concerned with help cleaning our father's house. It IS a disaster and I have told her I would help however and whenever it is possible. My children are both 9 and 7 and my husband works night shift and weekends, so being there as often as she can be is not an option. Therefore my contributions to some of the physical labor she wants me to do is not sufficient to her. Mind you, she hasn't even given me a key to get up there when I can, so for now, I am restricted to going when she is there. All she wants of me is the help with the house. The rest is the "easy part" according to her and she does not want or need my involvement. She is getting so angry with me about this and shutting me out, it is going to damage our relationship and she doesn't seem to care. Am I wrong to be concerned?
You could create a new account for your mother, transfer all of her money into it, cancel all the bill paying out of the old account, and set it up again in the new account, without ever giving her password, etc. to other parties. You have a responsibility to protect your mother's funds from unauthorized use. Let us hope that Sister was just trying to be helpful and that she would never consider withdrawing money for herself. But hoping isn't the same as protecting against such a possibility.
Mother's account has been compromised. Set up a new one.
This might not be the correct time to ask, but what do you mean she and her sister will never know peace again.
Thank you and hugs to you.
The more assets the more conflict. I take care of my mother and I don't have poa. I think it is better for a good attorney to have the poa and be the executor of the will. It cuts down on alot of conflict and doesn't put one child on a pedestal. I have two siblings who rarely come see my mother. They tried to say both of my parents were legally incompetent. Turns out that my dad, who had dementia, wasn't considered incompetent because you could ask him a question and he knew what he wanted. I don't think it's that easy to find someone incompetent. Is there another family member that you could have handle all of this? Your health issues are soooo much more important than dealing with this junk. I'd call the authorities if you are concerned that your sister is taking advantage, but I can tell you that my two siblings believe that about me and it couldn't be further from the truth. Hang in there and remember in the end it's still just money.
I am in a similar situation. What I have learned is this. My mom likes playing these power games with her two children. My brother is on an ego trip and always has been. And I am the scapegoat of the family and always treated this way.
My advice to you is, at this point, if you are not included in at the very least calm discussions with your sister, do not clean the house or anything else. If you are not good enough to know what is going on with all parts of your father's care, then back out.
I suspect she is hiding something, or maybe she has always liked being "in control". Explain to your father how you feel and what is going on. If nothing changes, do nothing. I have tried for four years to get mom to put me on her POA as alternate in case I have to take over at some point in the future. She has only my brother on her POA and no one to fill his shoes if he dies. She refuses, even going to the point of making up lies about me as to why she won't do this.
Like the saying, "oh, what webs we weave, when we pratice to deceive." I think your sister is hiding something. Unless there is clear and open communication, back off, don't clean the house or anything else. She will use and abuse you. But like many have already said, she is in complete control and doesn't have to share anything with you. But she can be made accountable for what she spends and how she spends it. It sounds as if your relationship is somewaht like I have with my brother. As long as I defer to him and give him due respect, he is lovely. But if he is not in charge, well.......everyone look out.
In the end you have control of only you. You may not agree with me, but in my case I will do nothing until I am included and made to feel like a sister/daugher in my family. Otherwise I would feel used and that is not going to happen. Good luck.
Maybe it varies by state. I don't know! But to whom is the POA accountable, other than the person who assigns him that duty? Can any relative demand an accounting, as you understand it? Only certain relatives? What about, say a life partner? A best friend? Who is legally able to demand an accounting of how the POA is conducting the affairs?
Maybe sending a certified letter would prod someone into showing some records, so it might not be a bad tactic.
But, assuming that the POA is a general power of attorney covering all financial matters, there is nothing you can do to hold him accountable. If there are limitations stated in the POA and he oversteps the authority of the POA, you could file a civil action against him dealing with the specific violations.
I must beg to differ with your answer about the sister's legal obligations. POAs are a legal document allowing another person to act responsibly for the person who appointed them. My Mom and Dad have given me a Financial POA to act for them, and I have given my Dad and brother a POA to act for me should I be unable to act for myself. I am also ill with a condition called Fibromyalgia and have been disabled and unable to work since 2000. My condition has been in remission (better but not gone) for the past couple of years but if I'm overly stressed or physically work too hard I sleep for 24 hrs and then am able to move again. I can, if necessary really push myself if necessary to get up and help if needed, but my parents (even my Mother) know it is better for my health to let me rest.
Anyway, all that aside, MAMs96 is legally able to demand an accounting of how her sister is conducting her father's affairs. Start with a certified letter. If she does not respond to that, then go to an attorney and have him draft a demand. I'd hate to think that those actions would not make her understand, but you can take her to court. Like I said in an earlier post, if the family cannot agree on the POAl, and Dad is not competent enough to understand what is going on (and from the sound of it, he is not) then it may be better to have an outside party (usually a bank official) act on he father's behalf. Not the best way to have things happen, but it may be necessary.
MAMs, if you cannot afford an attorney, contact your County's Elder Services, they may be able to help you.
Be Well - Sue