What do I do when my sister is hysterical on the phone because my dad messed up again as he so often does. He blocked up the toilet and she had water running almost into her bedroom and had to clean up the mess after him yet again on her empty stomach early morning. Shame, she just said earlier that he is more passive and she can cope better now with him. And 10min later, she is hysterical. She has mopped up after him too often. Worse, we grew up with him visiting part-time and caused a lot of unhappiness in the home with my mom, so we feel that we don't mind looking out or after him, so to speak, as there is no one else to do it, but when you sit with a faeces problem first thing in the morning, or anytime for that matter, its really tough. Anyone else in a similar situation?
sounds to me like your poor sister
needs a break before she has a melt down. I remember going through this
situation with my dad and it's
exhausting and that's just one of the
many chores she.has to complete. If other siblings can help, if even for a
weekend it would really help. Also your sister cannot continue at this pace alone. Your family may want to consider outsourcing daily assistance such as a nurse or consider respite care if just for a short time period. You can also help by researching what assistance is available for your sister. Praying for your family.
She works full-time and have a house-hold helper, but the uncanny part is that he for some reason always but always have these mishaps over a weekend or public holiday when my sister is trying to rest. She is very giving and caters to most of his whims, but there are times when I guess enough is enough, even if he cannot help it. What she doesn't understand is why he never asks for help and wait until it is so bad that its almost out of control. She often gets little sleep because he chooses to fidget in the kitchen at night and uses mayonnaise or cake essence to rub all over himself for some strange reason. She needs a break and I have offered to help in her absence.
I take him out once a week and always offer to help when I can.
I think he needs full-time care and we're exploring our options. He wont like it, but he may be better off that way. It isn't our first choice, but it gets harder all the time. When he messes, it is never in small doses, he'll mess up a whole bedroom or bathroom.
It's not on purpose but it sure is hard.
I cared for my dad for 5 years in my home and he was incontinent of bowel (for the most part). He hated wearing Depends and I would have to beg him to wear them.
My dad would awaken earlier than I but I was in that sleep state where I was kind of asleep but was keeping one ear on what he was doing (his room was down the hall from mine, a straight shot). He also had diabetes. If he spent too much time in his room in the morning I knew I would get up to a disaster. There were mornings when I would be scrubbing blood out of the carpet (from wounds on the legs) or wiping down the bathroom that was full of stool. To this day I have no idea how my dad managed to get feces on the shower door!
Or if I hadn't heard any trouble coming from my dad's room in the morning I would wake up, stumble into the kitchen, and before I had a chance to get my coffee my dad would say, sheepishly, "I made a little mess in my room." So I had that waiting for me as soon as I could wake up a little.
It was always something.
I remember being in the position of cleaning and scrubbing all day when my father had C. Diff and it must have plugged him for a year. After each hospitalization that required an antibiotic, it would start all over again. Uncontrollable accidents everywhere. I made sure that he need not feel at fault.
I certainly understand your sister's frustration and a need for a break!
Best Wishes!
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