My mother passed away 6 months ago and put both my sister and myself as executor to her estate. Being that I live in another state I relinquished my executor role and let her and her husband be sole executor. Finally after 8 months of waiting for our inheritance we were given most of the money and that worked out well, but the problem is that there was one investment that they told me I was sharing 50/50 benificiary with them. They sent me the bank paper that I needed to sign to release the funds and they put my sister and my joint account on that document. I sensed they were hiding something and I called the bank only to find out I am the benificiary 100 percent. I called them on it and since then they have tried every tactic to justify it including telling me they have rights to it, they deserve it. My sister has gone from being angry screaming I dont trust them to the next day crying saying she has been carrying the load for years in the family. Then now they are saying they need to keep that money to pay taxes next year on the money we received. I mostly hate the manipulation and deceit they are displaying. Now my husband and I are fighting because my sister has bullied me into agreeing about the holding onto that tax money. My husband wants me to tell them where to go and to not give the a cent. Up until now I had a very close relationship with my sister and brother in law.. I feel my sister has ruined our family for a very long time. I dont think I can every feel comfortable again around them because of how manipulative they have been. My sister did do a lot for my mother as I moved away 18 years ago from them but my mother was independent and maintained her own home. She took care of me when I was ill for 8 months in her home and didnt charge me a cent. I can't forget that she was so good to me but that doesn't justify their behavior. I am tired of being a doormat but somehow I let myself be talked into signing that paper with our joint account and I sent it to them.
Your sister lived closer to your mother and therefore no doubt contributed greatly to her care even if your mother was "independent" and seemed, from your distance, to maintain her house on her own. You know, many people (including me) think it isn't fair that one sibling does most of the caregiving and all the siblings expect to share equally in the estate. There are far better ways of addressing this inequity than the caregiver being deceiptful after the parent's death. But I can sympathize with the attitude that "I deserve a little more. I did more." I don't condone cheating to get it ... but, are you willing to give up your relationship with your sister over this? Can you forgive her? It is really your choice now. Your sister made choices about her behavior. She didn't do a very honorable job on one aspect, in my opinion. Now you have choices to make. You've already decided to let her have the money. Now you can decide about your relationship going forward.
And ... since you've given up the money, how are you resolving the issues this causes with your husband?
Perhaps some family counseling would be in order here.
Each state has regulations on the percentage of the estate an executor can be paid for performing their duites. Unless the person making their will puts a set amount of payment the executor receives, the amount of money the executor is entitled to can be enormous. Part of not being a doormat is addressing the issue. Telling your sister when you signed over the executorship to her you didn't sign up for her manipulating you and taking what is rightfully yours. She was being deceitful. You sound like you have great intuition. By calling the bank you were able to find out the real deal.
As for paying taxes on the inheritance, I don't know all state laws but in the state I live in there is no tax on inheritance and no federal tax up to 5 million. If you are dealing with that amount, your certainly need a lawyer.
How do I know, my husband inherited a sizable amount from his mother. His brother was executor and there was foot draggery but not with any intent to take more than his share. he just procrastinates. No taxes due on my husband's part. Many states did away with inheritance tax or it is very low.
Like I said, Get a Lawyer!
You certainly need a lawyer's advice before your sister takes something that she is not due. Even if you just let it go and she gets more, can you honestly put this away and not let it affect you relationship? I feel probably not.
My sister is the executor of our mom's will and let me tell you she has done a lousy job. I was forced to hire a lawyer to make her do her legal duty. Mom's been gone 2 yrs and we haven't even scratched the surface of this mess.
Please don't let your sister and b-i-l get away with this. I'll bet your mom would tell you the same thing.
Can she sell the house in louisiana if he has usufracrt ??? He is about to confront her that he is moving back in and she is receiving rent the mother has been deceased for 6 weeks..... Help!!
My whole life as far back as I remember my parents always discussed being fair, they told me since I was little all that they had would be divided equally between the sibilings.
I also remember while growing up my brother was never really arround, and my sister was arround but was always negative towards me. Some family members my aunt used to say she never wanted siblings. She alawys complanied about how spoiled I was, and how mom and dad ignored her kids.....(Im the same age as her childrern.)
My parents were in their 80's both with dementia by the time I was in my 30's. I spent the better part (all) of my 30's raising my own kids, and taking care of my parents, I would do it all over again regardless.
Anyway after their deaths, I only receieved the cash divided between the 3 siblings. I called my sister executor regarding my parents home, and orther properties that they owned. She informed me that the properties were and are all hers as she did all the work and deserved it anyway ... She also informed me I couldnt do anything about it due to her name being on the title. (I found out she had taken a lawyer to visit my parents when they were starting to become confused but not yet legaly incompitent, and she had them sign over all their property to her.) When I saw a lawyer about this (elder abuse) she said there is nothing I can do. My so called older sister screwed me and my brother in more ways they one. She also screwed my trusting elderly parents and its all legal......
Your sister doesn't need more money to pay taxes. She herself will pay NO taxes on any of the money. Taxes are paid out of the INHERITANCE not one's own pocket.
Sorry, but your husband is right. And your sister is lying.
There must be some compromise you can work on with this that is acceptable to both families.
Ask yourself a question: IF Your Sis Came To You To Ask For Money, Would You Give It To Her? She may NOT Be lying if she hasn't a track record of being a liar. Maybe she misunderstood advice from friends or something.
Ask a GOOD Attorney to mediate between you two. Discuss as a situation to be taken care of NOT a Scheme With Anyone Betraying You. Keep Both Hubbys Outta It. If You sisters work it out, they'll get over themselves......Your Mother Obviously Thought Her Daughters Could Handle It. Prove Her Right. YOU Have YEARS Before this, and Pray God, Years More To Go. BE The Good Friends You've Up Until Now Been
That said a neighbour of ours died about 2 years ago and there was a very complicated probate and execution of the will. The man had called the lawyers in to draft a new will and they had done so but he died before he could sign it - so worthless. His new will would have left an additioal 20k to the daughter who looked after him for 15 years and he was bedridden for 10 of those years. The other siblings never visited phoned or sent cards but by george they soon found the house when he died and they were all over it like a rash. They wanted to take things that belonged to the daughter because she couldn't prove she had bought them some 10 years previously.
The solicitor told them of the new will - of course they didn't give a hoot about it. They forced the sale of the house via auction - which gives the lowest price over here usually - and could because she wasn't 60 (at which point in the UK you acquire some rights - not a lot but some). She was 58 single, no friends, no children - her husband couldn't tolerate the situation of care and a found a new model some 8 years previously! She had no home and very little to support herself with, simply because she gave up her life to devote to a father she adored. She became very depressed and committed suicide - her final act was to leave a will leaving all her money to her siblings stating that she did so because they clearly cared more about the money than her and that she would rather be with the father she loved.
So while I say yes Montana you don't do it for the inheritance - it its not always greed and some people are not financially stable enough post the death of their loved one to tolerate one more blow to their already diminished lives. Showing an utter lack of acknowledgement for her role as caregiver was the final blow for her.
Montana, I take issue and disagree with your last statement as well. I don't see any reason why someone who makes the sacrifices necessary to care for a parent shouldn't expect some consideration. Maybe some people see it as an opportunity to get more from any inheritance, but certainly not all people do.
More likely it's a way to shorten one's life because of the stress involved.
There are any number of posts here by caregivers who've made significant financial, personal and career sacrifices but don't expect anything more from an inheritance.
I personally think some siblings just have more sense of responsibility than others.
I went. While there, I found a check (forged) on one of my Dad's accounts. I ordered my sister to put the checks away where her dirtbag husband couldn't get to them.
She didn't.
I, also, took my dad with me. He stayed at my house until he died.
I, also, took care of my mother-in-law with Alzheimer's. My husband was the Executor of her will. We didn't want to be seen as taking advantage of Mom, so we put the monies in the hands of my husband's sister, whom we trusted.
But, basically, people can't be trusted with money. We cared for Mom and she and her husband got a mini-mansion. She wouldn't even give us enough to get a little larger house (We had seven children) so Mom could have her own room. She said, no, we were asking for too much.
Mom ended up dying in our front room because we had no place for her once she advanced to the hospice stage. (BLESS HOSPICE!!!)
Don't trust anyone when it comes to parents and their money. But do your best for your parent or in-law while you are able. It's a blessing.