I am a full time caregiver for my grandmother. She is currently in hospice and at the end of her life. The chaplain told us to thank her and let her go. Tell her it's ok. As you can imagine it has been rough. The other day APS showed up for a well check. She didn't have any details. At all. I led her too my grandmother's room where she tried to talk to my gram after I had already told her she couldn't respond. She asked questions, I answered. I even showed her the pressure sore on her foot that led us to being able to get a chamber bed. I gave her our nurses number, the aides number and our social workers number. She called the numbers and was given the same information, that my grandmother is well taken care of, comfortable and loved. So then the social worker shows up at 745am!!!! She comes with a nurse from the VNA but not the nurse we have. She said she had a question about my grandmother's foot. I asked her why her call to our regular nurse was not enough. Hey reply was that she had a question. So the nurse came into my grams room, took 30 seconds to look at her foot and said it was fine. And then they left. I'm still livid that anyone thought it was okay to knock on our door that early. We are letting my grandmother go. We are telling her its okay. This is a very sacred and private time for our family. This was supposed to be a well check. Why is she still around? I want to know if I can do anything to prevent her from disturbing these moments for what could be a short time.
But I can see and understand that you feel sore about this, and perhaps even though you know rationally that they were right to check - always check, never assume, you never know... - there must still be that unpleasant sensation lurking in the background of having been unjustly, absurdly "suspected".
Perhaps it would help relieve tension, and clarify APS's plans, if you were to put in a call on the pretext of asking about follow-up to this latest visit. You can explain that although you understand the good policy behind it, and you are even happy that your grandmother's welfare is officially important, the visit was disruptive and the family is anxious to focus only on your grandmother at this very - as you say - private time.
They are unlikely to apologise, because they followed procedure. If you get a human social worker with some common sense on the line, though, he or she might express regret that the visit intruded on the family. Is there anything else you're hoping for?
APS has a duty to investigate when they receive a call of possible neglect or abuse. For very good reasons, they can't tell you where the concern came from. I wouldn't dwell on that. They've done their checking and found nothing amiss. They need to be able to check all their boxes so that there is no question about grandma's care.
I think many people in your situation become incensed that someone is checking up on them. Of course you're taking good care of grandma! Who would question that! But if you think about it, you can be glad that your local APS is diligent enough to check out every situation. I understand and empathize with your upset. But try to let it go.
Again, I'm so sorry for grandma's decline. I hope that she's at peace.
She has talked to everyone that is in our home almost daily, there is no assumption my gram is ok. She's being told she is fine.
I don't expect and I didn't ask who reported this. I asked why. if she doesn't know then what is she looking for?
Maybe I'm just venting! *sigh
This really has nothing to do with your grandma & family's "sacred time"---it has to do with the unannounced visits, not giving you any reason for the initial visit & the second 7:45am visit of 2 people "because they had a question". If APS cannot give you even a hint about the reason for the visit, they shouldn't have been allowed in the house. That's how I would have dealt with it.
The idea is to keep things under control and make the problem itself, not so much the people, go away. Any complaints or queries about their processes or their attitude can be dealt with later if anyone's got the time or inclination to bother; but right now they are just not what matters.
Now as for your grandma, what I would do before letting her go is lead her to Jesus because she will face him as soon as she dies, I can promise you that! She will be in eternity, and her decision will seal her fate or eternal life. They say the last thing to go before someone dies is your hearing, also talk to her about facing eternity. Encourage her to seek out Jesus because he's the only one who can save her and let her into heaven. She can still make a conscious decision even in this state if she happens to be conscious. There is life after this one, there's a world we cannot see in the physical realm with our physical eyes. We can only see the other world with our spiritual eyes, so while your grandma is transitioning from the physical life to the spiritual, don't be surprised if she sees something or seems to react to something on the other side
Although I was upset, I didnt' have anything to hide. So I had no problem with them doing their job. It was the case worker that, off the record, recommended that I change mom's doctor, which I did. At the end of the day, I was more upset with her doctor.
Although I completely understand that the APS intruding at such a time in your grandmother's care while in Hospice is disruptive, the report was filed and the case workers have to do their job. No doubt they probably could have shown more compassion toward you and the family. But avoiding and ignoring them will not make them go away. They have to follow through with their procedure and you don't want them to think that there is something going on. Once they investigate the sore and find nothing wrong, they might make one last visit or phone call to close the case out but that should be it. I know here in New York the case is open for 60 days. I think the case worker came out 3 or 4 times on different days and times and found nothing wrong. Mom is happy and taken care of in a clean and loving environment. It didn't take a genius to figure that out :) It will add that the case worker ended up being very helpful in providing a list of doctors who work with dementia as well as contact for applying for VA benefits. I try to turn every incident into an opportunity.
Good luck. God Bless. My prayers are with you, your grandmother and family.
Needless to say, never saw her again. Found out through the grapevine it was my Sister causing the problem. You know the Sister who didn't visit or lend not one minute of her time to help. I would assume it is one of the NINE, so that is your problem. Start asking them to help and see how soon the "wellness checks" stop. Ask them to start taking turns to stay with her, so that APS can visit with them, too, again, and it will cease.
Suppose someone was stealing her pain meds, or not changing her diapers, or letting the bed sores go? How do they know?
You are emotional at this point, I understand, but you sure as hell don't want to cause yourself more grief by getting on the bad side of a government agency for nothing. How about you sitting in jail while your grandmother dies?
Any knock on my Mom's door before 9am can stand there till a decent hour comes round.
I have a very bad attitude about APS. They came right up to the point of accusing me! The family lawyer set them straight.
APS may do good for some people...but they are mostly on a witch hunt. If they can get into the middle of your families business...they can take your loved one away, take your love ones assets...and move your loved one to a facility that you will never find them. It is totally anti-family, anti-caregiver. Yeah, I had to get to the point of having the family lawyer make their bosses know a lawsuit would soon follow.
Beware. These people are only looking to make themselves look good in the eyes of their department regardless of what relationships they destroy in the process.
When APS showed up at my door I was shocked and hurt and knew immediately who had requested the investigation. Aren't sibs wonderful? APS has a very important job to do, the more difficult you make it, takes time away from other cases that NEED their attention. Stop taking it personally and realize the person that requested them to check on Grandma, maybe in their brain, was doing what they thought best for her. And be proud that the care you are providing is good and for now they are finding grandma in good hands.
The quickest way to change that is to not answer the door, to not let them in, and avoid their questions. You will be much more comfortable with their inquiries if you cooperate.
It is stressful, but imagine how much more so if you were to try to keep them away.
After basically harassing my Dad, who didn't really understand anything going on, I told them to call the family lawyer. Any further contact would be exclusively arraigned with and thru the family lawyer. And continued harassment by any of their personnel would likely be met in the future with legal steps.
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Someone reported a concern to Adult Protective Services? Who could this have been? If it was one of your siblings or even a neighbor perhaps they were worried about the pressure sore. It may not have been that the person thought you were doing anything wrong but that not enough was being done for the painful sore. (Unless you can think of someone who just wanted to make trouble for you, I would assume good intentions.)
APS is mandated by law to investigate reports of concern about vulnerable adults. So they were doing their job. (At an ungodly hour, for sure!) When they determined that all was well except a pressure sore their protocol probably required one of their nurses to verify it was being cared for properly. The nurse came, quickly verified that all was good, they left, and checked it off on their list. I think that if it hadn't been good APS would be looking at the hospice service for neglect.
When my husband was on hospice care in our home he had a pressure sore on his backside. The nurse checked it on every visit and I did as she instructed between visits. Still, I worried about that painful sore. If a nurse from another agency came in and checked it and said all was as good as it could be, I would have been relieved. My confidence in the hospice nurse would have been affirmed.
This was upsetting to you. That is understandable. But the outcome was that your caregiving was approved and the care of the pressure sore was found to be appropriate. Those are two good things. Be proud! Be grateful that the hospice nurse does a good job!
The hour was unfortunate, and perhaps the demeanor of the investigators could have been more compassionate. But they were doing their job.
You've got other things to focus on now. I suggest that you wait a couple of months after Grandma passes to decide what, if anything, you want to do about this.
To others who may be reading this: not allowing APS in to investigate suggests you have something to hide. That really does nothing to convince them that all is well. They do get crank complaints, and they know that. They would be as happy as you are if they can just confirm that all is well and close the case. Give them the chance to do the job the law requires them to do. Cooperate. Be as friendly as you can be under the circumstances. At the very least be polite. They'll do their job and close the case.