I am 69 years old and am seeing the need for help of some sort, but live too far from family. My husband is with me, but he has cancer, heart problems, and possibly dementia. We have no one to look out for us. I recently became incapacitated because of arthritis in my ankle and back. Hopefully, this will get better, but in the meantime, who takes care of us?
If your family knows about your situation and cannot help, perhaps you should make some calls to find out what services are available in your area. Most cities have senior services information, and they can steer you in the right direction. You could also look into independent or assisted living. You certainly have your plate full! Independent living might not be a good fit, given both your health limitations. Assisted living is NOT a nursing home, you know. It is very similar to an independent apartment, but you have the benefit of meals, assistance with bathing, medications, etc. and that sounds like it could be good for your husband....
I am so sorry for what you're going through. My own mother passed away at 59, over 15 years ago. My elderly mother-in-law's needs are getting increasingly more complicated, so we are looking into assisted living for her in the near future. Change is hard, but please do reach out and find out what is available. If not family, then the change in housing may be in order. Another option is home health care. Depends upon your budget, of course, but there are people who can come in and help on a daily basis.
I wish you the best as you navigate your path on this journey....Blessings.
Yes there is home health care and also church members (I have one for my mom) and also I found (we live in a small town) some other people who would LOVE to spend time with my mom. I just have to convince mom it is a good idea. So I am the one to make phone calls.
My mom was moved to independent living just six weeks after my dad's death but with her house here and me available we moved back into it in March. It is a good move as mom and dad spent time here. So far mom has no major health issues. Her cognition is low but doc says that may be due to thyroid. So when mom feels down about forgetting we blame it on the thyroid ... helps her mood, she lightens up.
Family, friends, church, community, and also there are those taking classes for caregiving, social work, gerontology etc in the colleges/universities who need "units" for community work. You could contact them.
Keep posting as well, networking on this site is good.
Peg
You don't need family near-by. You need them only to place you once and have a
contact with the Independent Living Facility or Assisted Living Facility. Your husband will probably need this type of care first. At age 69, you will not, unless there is some underlying serious health problem that you may have.
It was read to me after my husband died.
Is There Life After Birth?
By levent
They had been in the dark.
Two embryos, in a mothers womb…
they had been waiting together ignorant of everything, in a watery cradle…
They had put their arms around each other and slept just in that way…
Weeks had passed and the twins had grown up.
Their hands and feet had become clear.
Soon their eyes came to light,
Both of them had realised what was happening around them…
What a comfort, what a dependable world it had been
Heat, wet, full with love
“Such a wonderful world we live in” they had said “…Thankfully”
Then time had gone by and they explored around.
They had gone further into a dark world and a source of life.
Then they had become aware of the cord that was feeding them
They had thanked their mother who called them into being with that cord.
Then an arguing had begun on existence:
“Where did we come from? How do we exist?” …they had asked
“It is our mom” …one of twins had said. “She created us”
“How could you know this? You have never seen your mom” …the other had protested.
“Maybe she is only in our mind. Belief in a Mother is a thing that we made-up just because it puts us at ease”
This discussion continues on for a while.
They had begun kicking when they didn’t fit into womb.
They had had ears and fingers now.
They had understood that the end of the road is close
This wonderful life will come to an end, in good time.
Darkness journey will pull them towards another land
“We are moving towards our life’s end” one of twins had whispered.
The other one had insisted “I don’t want to go away. I am not ready to leave this life yet”
“But things that are fated to happen are destined; pray, maybe there is a life after birth”
The pessimist one had asked:
“This cord will be cut someday. What will happen to us then?”
The optimist one had answered this with a poem:
“Many of those leaving – seem happy with the place where they went – many years passed – nobody returned from that journey”
And one fine day the ground started to shake, walls began to close in.
The twins had understood the expected day had come by insufferable pains.
They had hugged each other for the last time with their puckered arms
And they had cried together saying “our life is ending”
A hand -which they supposed was that of the angel of death-, had cut their cord
They had been pulled into another land through the dark corridor
I feel for you as I will be facing the same problem myself as I have no husband or children, and the rest of my family (aside from my 88 yr. old Mom) has passed away.
Sell it or look into a reverse mortgage. You might be able to add $2000 a month to your income flow. That can go a long way. $400 towards a house keeper. Get groceries delivered. Have a LVN come two days a week to get everyone a good bath and all the laundry done. Once you have run through the money in your mortgage the government will help.
You can pray all you want to the Mountain (family), but I doubt it's going to come to a disabled Mohammed. It's always comforting to have the sort of safety net that the family represents. When that doesn't work out, it's our responsibility to build a support network and continue expanding it as the years go by. You can't always count on family. When push comes to shove sometimes they're the first ones to stab you in the back or smile as they prey upon you. If there's nothing but scraps, they'll fight over that too.