How do I tell my boss (my uncle) he needs to retire? His memory is getting bad.

Momo: You are what my Dad use to say...."stuck between a rock and a hard spot!" I do not envy you with this one!

At 82 and doing some of the things you say he has done, it sounds to me like he has dementia at the very least. Dementia is related to Alzheimer's. What your Uncle needs, if he has not already had it, is a trip to a Neurologist to have him evaluated. They do a physical and blood panel and an MRI of the brain and then cognitive testing to see what may be happening. This also gives them a baseline to judge his decline as years go on. It also gives you the ammunition you need to take over and use the POA.

I was given POA by my mother of her Health and Financial affairs. One of the very difficult issues of being given this, is reaching the point where you actually have to step up and actually TAKE OVER. They do not always go gently! They will fight you every step of the way, insisting that they are "fine" when every move they make, screams that they have no idea what they are doing. It is not pleasant to have to basically force someone to relinquish their lives and in your case business to someone else, especially when someone like you Uncle likes to play the big shot or tough guy.

Have you ever seen an attorney for yourself? I thought that my Mom's attorney would take me by the hand and lead me through this process, telling me exactly what I needed to do to act as her Power of Attorney, but that was not the case. I was told by Mom's attorney that I needed to procure my own attorney to advise me in what I was suppose to do and what I could be held liable for. Although I took Mom's POA it seems that I was almost pitted against her in a way, as I needed an attorney to basically protect and lead me. Who knew, I didn't!

The thing is YOU NEED GUIDANCE and you NEED IT NOW! You need to immediately find YOUR OWN ATTORNEY, who can go over your POA and advise YOU in what you should do. If you have absolutely nothing to gain by keeping his POA then you may want to inform him and his partners that you are relinquishing the POA due to his non compliance. If you do stand to gain something in the end, that makes it worth your while to hang on, THEN YOU HAVE TO PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY BOXERS AND TELL YOUR UNCLE IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS THAT HE IS NO LONGER CAPABLE OF MAKING WISE DECISIONS FOR THE FIRM AND THEREFORE YOU ARE USING YOUR POA AND STEPPING IN AND TAKING OVER TO TRY AND SAVE THE COMPANY FROM FINANCIAL RUIN. You need to speak to each and every partner and tell them what is happening and what your choice is, taking over or stepping down. If you decide to take over, you need to ask each one of them for their support and to back you up when you tell Uncle you are taking over. Each of them needs to be willing to tell him that yes he is slipping and they are backing you even if they have no financial ties to him. If they decline to back you, then I would really wonder if it was worth my while to mess with them or the company. I realize you must be drawing a paycheck from the company, but depending on your POA and position you hold, are you sure you cannot be held liable for any of this debt? I would hate to think you could have been set up as the "fall guy."

The young girl friend may not be willing to be of any help because she is benefiting from his condition, you may however want to have a simple talk with her to ask is she has noticed his memory lapses and gently ask if she has noticed any problems with him at home or ask if he has been to see a doctor lately etc. You may have to be very careful here when asking these questions as you do not want to alert her or him of your desire to take over via the POA.

Can you find another job rather easy if you decide to give up POA? I think it would be best if you left the company and got on with your life if this were to be your decision.

Check out your POA VERY VERY WELL, go see an attorney and find out what you should have been doing and what you should do now. You will need to get a diagnosis of a mental problem of dementia or alzheimer's or something else that incapacitates him. If there is nothing, then there isn't much you can do, other than to save yourself!

By the way, your Uncle not being able to use a computer may not mean he has a mental problem, it may just mean he doesn't want to be bothered and why should he when he has you around to help him.

Please go see an attorney and see what they advise you to do, and then let us all know how it goes.

Best Wishes and God Bless!

Could you and the partners use some imagination and come up with a way for your uncle to continue working without being in a position to do so much harm?

Momo - many of us have been through different forms of what you're going through. Unfortunately, you are kind of the hub who knows and sees what's wrong and yet you feel paralyzed to act. Also unfortunately, you may be the only one who CAN the fact some kind of change. As someone asked, do you have something to lose, like an inheritance, if you walk away? Even if that's the case, you have to weigh that against how are you will feel if you do nothing and he kills himself driving, or worse, kills someone else.

if it were me, I'm big on documentation. I would write the same letter to any of his doctors, with all of their names listed, referring to your health POA and describing in detail his CHANGE in behavior and has a rational thinking, pointing out your relationship, how long you've known him, how closely you work together, how you know this is just wrong and your hands are tied, based on what the corporate lawyers have told you, because you're general financial power of attorney cannot take a fact unless he's declared incompetent.

Tell then you are afraid that tragic circumstances are in the immediate future if they, the doctors, don't put their heads together and do something to help him. Tell them you love your uncle but you're being put in an untenable position and if you, his doctors, don't step forward and investigate and possibly require a mental evaluation, you will be forced to leave your uncles employ and let everything that you have been holding together for xxx months fall apart.

Seriously, include the names addresses and phone numbers of all the doctors on the heading of the letter so they all know they all got it. If I were a doctor and saw that several doctors receive the same letter such as that, I be doing with the patient in fear of having to deal with my insurance company.

You are basically in a situation where you have to act or walk away. Personally, I would be able to walk away with a clear conscience if I did everything in my power to act first. That's my suggestion, I hope it then if it's you.

I hear you man. Going through something similar. My dad is my boss, and he's slipping. I don't have POA, and our business is probably going to close in a month or two, due to 5 or 6 years of running negligence. I feel bad for the clients who have suffered though these hard times more than anyone. At least you still think you can salvage things. Good luck.

I concur with gardenartist. Write a letter with your concerns and either give it in person to the neurologist, or email it if you can. I've accompanied my mother twice to her neuro appointments. The first time, I sat with her during the appointment, and listened to her lie over and over -- and I didn't have the guts to call her out out at that time. The second time, I waited in the waiting room, after delivering my letter to her doctor. The letter outlined all my concerns, and let him know that she wasn't honest during the previous appt.

Big corporations have boards of directors who make tough decisions such as when to retire an executive. Small businesses need something like that. A contract allowing for medical experts to decide? An alternative to family having to stage a mutiny. Difficult situation.

I have an update since May on the this situation. The bank FINALLY turned him down on a more money. Then he decided he was going to raid the retirement accounts. I know it was expensive to do but I bargained some retirement $ because he needed our signatures on the loan, for an appt. for him with a neurologist. I had already talked to his primary care physician and we were going to try to convince him to go on without force, but this came up and I told him I was not going to sign away money from these accounts without getting something from him. Now I have to make sure he goes. If the neurologist declares him competent I have to find a new job and relinquish my power of attorney in order to protect myself. I have been keeping a log as some of you suggested and need some advice. Do I write a letter to the Neurologist documenting my concerns and go to the appt with him or do I let the Neurologist decide on his own. My Uncle is almost cocky about this, thinking he will pass with flying colors and I will just be quiet after he is declared competent.

Haven't read the entire long thread, just skimming through and finding some fellow DOS heads here.

So my answer is based only on cursory review of the previous posts and your most recent post.

Raid the retirement accounts? Is he serious? Are you referring to pension funds set aside specifically for that purpose? If you haven't consulted the company attorney, I would do so as I think you're on shaky ground here. How are the funds to be paid back given the declining state of the business?

I would write a letter to the neurologist, asking him to keep the shared information confidential but suggesting areas for him to pursue to explore the issues at hand. Exams can be cursory and not focus on areas that do reveal dementia and/or deficits in cognitive thinking, so you want to ensure that an accurate diagnosis is possible.

Go with him to the appointment if you can, and if in your opinion it will help in getting an accurate diagnosis. If your uncle is hostile to that idea, it may result in friction at the appointment which hampers the neurologist's ability to see the true picture. So you may end up having to let your uncle go alone, but then you won't have the benefit of the diagnosis. Tough situation to call.

I did read something to the effect that your uncle likes to call and price/appraise. Perhaps he could consider transitioning to being an independent consultant, doing pricing for other businesses in his field rather than having the responsibility of his own business. Or perhaps it's too late for this or it's unrealistic if he still needs to maintain the illusion that he can run the business himself.

Here is the exciting update. According to the Neurologist he is normal for an 83 year old. The Neurologist suggested he let others make executive decisions and he get tested for his driving. His response was "I'm not doing that. This is horse s*#t!".
So that is where I am. Watching him continue to self destruct and unable to do anything about it.

How's about taking a vacation with him to his home land, a few weeks in Tuscany or some place like that where new plans for the future can be made. A vacation for you and him, a new perspective for him. Just a thought.