I'm a SAHM with two kids (2.5 and 10 months) and two dogs. My husband recently lost his grandmother to Alzheimer's as well -- she lived in a nursing home and deteriorated very quickly. This is my grandmother who I am very close with and I am determined not to let the same happen. I know first hand how engaging them and keeping them stimulated and with goals is very important. Just wondering what do I need to keep in mind as I approach my family with this? They are very pro-nursing home, and while I understand it may work well for some, I am very much against it for my grandmother. Thoughts?
Personalities change as the disease progresses, and you may end up caring for someone who is nothing like how your grandmother used to be. It's impossible to predict which course your grandmother's disease will take. Alzheimer's Reading Room is a great site- really informative- it's worth getting on their mailing list. Emails seem to arrive just at the right time, with advice for coping with all kinds of situations. One last thing, it's ok to change your mind!. If you take her in and it becomes too much for you, know that you gave her a good experience while she was with you, that she wouldn't have had if you had let her go straight to a nursing home.
Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
I assume that you are a stay-at-home mom because you want to give your children your full attention, at least in their early years. And now you are proposing taking on a job you will be responsible for 24 hours a day? What? You are a mother. Your first priority should be to your kids. And you must take care of yourself and your marriage. I really don't see where there is room for the additional commitment you are considering. Dementia moves in one direction: it gets worse.
My heart goes out to you. Of course you want what is best for your dear Grandmother. It is very painful to see her decline. You'd like to be superwoman and be able to be all things to all the people you love. Hugs to you.
One very important thing when bringing someone with dementia [depending on the stage] into a home that has children, is that the person might become very jealous of the children. And a 2.5 year old and 10 month old cannot defend themselves. Plus there are the issues of bad behavior by the elder which you might find your children copying.
And I worry about the dogs. Animals can sense when something isn't right, and the dogs might see grandma as a threat to the children.
After you read the link I provided above, you will understand more why your family is pro-nursing home. But I do appreciate the thought that you wish to take care of your grandmother at home. Maybe you can for awhile.
I don't know what's going on in your life that you would think you can give your two babies a happy and semi rested mom seven days a week AND feed, dress, bath, drive to doctor appointments, with her, AND! Be a supportive and loving spouse . . . But I think you need to look at your motives and rethink your strategy.
Your response to FreqFlyer is telling. I honestly can't think of much that would be less fair to your two babies...
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