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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I think that when you look at the task as a whole the sheer enormity can be paralyzing. My advice is to start small, if one room is too much to contemplate then shrink it down to one closet or one box in that closet, rather than tackling a bedroom focus on one dresser, or one drawer. Keep up the forward momentum by scheduling time in your week/day to devote to the task, but not too long at once though so you don't get overwhelmed. Once one area is finished instead of focusing on what's left to do Celebrate even the smallest victory.
My parents were hoarders and it was an absolute nightmare cleaning out their house and business. They dealt in "collectibles" and had a warehouse, a storefront condo and a huge space at an indoor flea market. If I had my way I would have called in an estate liquidator but my sister was afraid they would not get the "value" of all that junk. It ended up taking at least 4 years. Penny wise and dollar foolish as the condo fees alone cost over $12,000 per year!
Anyway I digress. It was a huge wake up call for me as I too was a vintage dealer. I was 60 years old and it was getting harder to do the work. I was terrified I would end up like my parents so I made the tough decision to liquidate my business of 20 years. I got a fair offer for the inventory which means about 15 - 20% of retail and I jumped on it. One thing I can tell you, once the stuff was gone it was like I could finally breathe and I don't regret it one bit. Now I am doing the same with my household belongings. I sold three huge lots of stuff for real cheap to a second hand dealers and the rest I donated. It was hard at first, to part with things I have had for years, but once it was gone I felt the same sense of relief. I am going to do another purge soon.
I guess my advice to you is this. Take a first step, any step to get rid of some stuff. The first purge is the hardest. Once you realize you don't miss those things keep at it. I wish you luck!
WANTING to do this--being aware of your tendencies to hang on to all the stuff you have--and wanting a change, you're in a better headspace than people who are 'forced' into cleaning. (It pretty much never goes well...sad life experience has taught me that).
Do read Marie Kondo's book, or even just google 'decluttering' and/ or 'hoarding' and see what info pertains to you. She's pretty extreme, so bear that in mind when you read.
I have tried and tried to help my mother who is living in a very small space as she will NOT throw out ANYTHING. Literally. I bet she throws out one small bag of trash per week--and stuff is constantly coming IN. No one can visit with her as her chairs and sofa are piled high with stuff.
She doesn't WANT a clean living space. End of discussion.
I did Marie Kondo's version after my last kid got married. I did it in fits and spurts and of course, I couldn't touch DH's stuff as you really cannot 'organize' for someone else. However, when he saw that I had 3 dresser drawers and he had 17, it hit him that he didn't need to hang on to all that stuff.
Still uses 17 drawers, but they are organized and not packed to the gills.
It's actually a really emotional thing for a lot of people. Trying to help mother--I'd hold up an item and ask "can you live w/o this?" If she said "no" then it got kept. Tediously going through every drawer and cabinet...by day 3 we were both angry and defeated. She looked at every single thing she had as being 'can't live without' and actually went dumpster diving the 3rd night to retrieve a small plastic frog that my nephew had given her 15 years prior. At that, I gave up and have attempted since then to just get her to throw out old bills and newspaper.
I got branded 'heartless and cruel' by her to all the sibs b/c I wanted her to have some room to BREATHE...and she didn't. (For the record, she ASKED for my help).
Take it slowly and be realistic about what you really need/want/ can live without. Don't rush. Take breaks and if you're having a really emotional day, don't even try. After a few days, you might find it really energizing to be able to see progress and more clear space.
Your post has made me look around my house and realize I need to do another big purge!
I am a border line hoarder, and my Dad is an all out hoarder.
I do not accept the comment that Hoarding is a result of living through the Great Depression. I am lucky to know a great many people in their 80's and 90's but only one is a hoarder.
Me, I started having issues after a horrific traumatic event in my life. It felt like the one thing I could control.
I do not like Maria Kondo's approach, it may work for some, but her TV show was exploitive of women who were asking for help from their spouses. At least the only episode I watched. The wife was asking for help with chores, but was told if she cleaned out her kitchen drawers and folded her t-shirts a certain way everything would be ok. The DH was left off the hook from providing any help at all.
So what have I done? I hired a declutterer. We tackle one room at a time, and meet between once a month and once every 2 weeks. I use a trash, donate, recycle system. I am not interested in holding a garage sale.
Once things are bagged up, they leave the house the same day. I do not keep anything around.
We are going slowly, I started this process 14 months ago. I do not have a deadline. Since I started I have had a plumbing leak in a wall, luckily in the basement, that has required the ceiling to be partially pulled down in 3 rooms and walls opened up too. The initial leak has been repaired, but due to Covid, the balance of the work, replacing all the copper water lines, is on hold. So the basement is a mess.
I do need help moving some larger pieces of furniture out of my house. But due to Covid, that will have to wait for now.
Where to start. As you are still living in your home, start with the rooms that for you will have the greatest impact. For me that was the kitchen, bathroom and my bedroom.
It truly is easier with help, even if you have to pay for it like me. I am very lucky that the woman who helps me is non judgemental. I would get tons of judgement from family.
Good luck - during the pandemic I have been working on this. My DH and DS (11) are both very attached to their possessions. I have not eliminated their stuff but here is what has worked for me on dealing with my stuff and community stuff - and has made a difference in how peaceful and comfortable the rooms are now. It takes less time than you might think if you plug away vs try to do all at once and get exhausted
1) take one room at a time (I started top of house and worked my way to basement) - and define the purpose of the room (will help with keep, put in different room, or get rid of) 2) take your time - use the process as a way to focus on what you want from your life, how this room contributes to that and how keeping or giving away something will get you closer to that 3) DEAL with what is in front of you - don't put something back because you are undecided or do not want to deal with it. I am a knitter and finally got rid of a bunch of yarn that i will never knit, because i do not like the yarn, but put off getting rid of it because there was so much of it. I had to admit that in getting this yarn i made a mistake. Once i accepted that, i could sell it (I love ebay). Ditto with clothes - i got rid of so much - i had to face the fact that i had made mistakes in what i bought, will never fit in again, and never really liked, and no longer need (formal business suits), it is liberating to have a closet of stuff i actually wear - and so much less. But it is the hardest clearing out i have had to do. 4) organize and declutter go together - for what you keep, where should it go? 5) repair and declutter go together - and do it, do not put off. i finally had a chair repaired that i love but a leg needed to be refitted and re-glued - after 10 years i finally got it done (yes, i procrastinate) I finally hired the electricians and plumbers that i had put off for the minor stuff 6) cleaning and declutter go together - wash the windows, the curtains, remove everything from the shelves and clean 7) touch up and declutter go together - touch up the paint, get the carpet steam cleaned, fix the sagging shelf 8) is there anything that needs to be added to the room to make it live up to its purpose (be cautious here, but i did buy some better lamps and a small bookshelf - it has to be purposeful) 9) once the room is done - maintain 10) I took my "get rid of" to the basement because no places like Goodwill or Half Price Books were accepting donations. What was truly garbage i did throw away. In addition to Donate, I had Sell (Half Price Books, Ebay), and plugged away selling - 11) enjoy the feeling the fixed up room gives you
I'm still not done - about 3/4 of the way - but to my surprise, in talking with DH and DS about "what is this room for?" they got in to the spirit of it and are enjoying our cleaned and decluttered living room and bedrooms. AND they are helping maintain. AND to my surprise - the are starting to attack the LEGO collection - they have actually sold some sets they never put together (BrickLink) and are taking apart some others
Regarding Marie Kondo - my DH and I have a good laugh. If something does not bring you joy - you should get rid of it. Does this apply to DH's also?
Get a dumpster and throw everything out. You don’t need it. My mother is a hoarder and won’t throw anything out!!! She lives in her hoarded house. We rented a dumpster and threw most of the stuff out in the basement and garage. Just get rid of it. We accumulated so much stuff since we got married 36 years ago. So many old clothes, old toys, old couches, broken chairs, old mattresses stuffed in the basement, etc. etc. just get rid of it and don’t buy more stuff!! You’ll feel better!! I kept things that were valuable to me such as nice letters and cards from my husband over the years, and from my mother. I saved our coin collection to give to my son that was my father’s. My mother is a hoarder and has so many old papers from 20 years ago if not longer, in her house. She has mainly junk in her house. I will have to deal with it when she dies, which I am dreading 😟.
It's like going down the rabbit hole. Just start and expect to experience a lot of emotions. I've tried to listen to podcasts while sorting through the garage, the last frontier. This garage holds the belongings of my sister, aunt, mother, and early years of my son. A lot of emotions having to sort through the excesses and belongings of family. The air and energy once there is clear space is the best feeling though.
Read “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo. It was a game changer for me. Declutter in the steps she outlines. Figure out WHY you want to declutter and how you imagine your life and home will be afterwards.
As she says, it’s not about what you want to toss; it’s about what you really want to keep.
Luz, I know what you mean, we just hired professions to haul away our junk and not so junk. Had 3 family households in our two car garage, tripped to get something in the garage one day, and that was it. Cost me $3,500 to clean and haul away, not perfect, but better. This was something on my to do list for a few years, now being home, and not running around, I can get things done. My next project is cleaning and getting rid of things I do not use in the upstairs bedrooms. Take on one room at a time, put things you do not need in boxes/bags and give to your local Salvation Army, or other charitable organization, once they start to reopen, then arrange for pickup. Go through closets and get rid of clothes shoes, boots you do not wear. Do not place them in another room or store in garage. These are just a few things through the years I learned to do and not to do to make my life easier and happier.
Covid-19 is likely going to preclude you addressing this now. But it is a good time to start slow. You have the intention now and that is great. Just begin a little at a time, and each garbage day put out some throw away, and some give away at the curb. When Covid-19 is over you can hire an organizer to help. Good luck. It is a positive thing you are doing, taking control of your life and making it better. As you clear and organize your home your mind will clear and organize as a result, you will feel a sense of accomplishment. Wishing you good luck. Hoping you keep us informed. Remember, each tiny step is a tiny step forward. They accumulate, just like the "stuff" does. And you will progress forward.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Anyway I digress. It was a huge wake up call for me as I too was a vintage dealer. I was 60 years old and it was getting harder to do the work. I was terrified I would end up like my parents so I made the tough decision to liquidate my business of 20 years. I got a fair offer for the inventory which means about 15 - 20% of retail and I jumped on it. One thing I can tell you, once the stuff was gone it was like I could finally breathe and I don't regret it one bit. Now I am doing the same with my household belongings. I sold three huge lots of stuff for real cheap to a second hand dealers and the rest I donated. It was hard at first, to part with things I have had for years, but once it was gone I felt the same sense of relief. I am going to do another purge soon.
I guess my advice to you is this. Take a first step, any step to get rid of some stuff. The first purge is the hardest. Once you realize you don't miss those things keep at it. I wish you luck!
Do read Marie Kondo's book, or even just google 'decluttering' and/ or 'hoarding' and see what info pertains to you. She's pretty extreme, so bear that in mind when you read.
I have tried and tried to help my mother who is living in a very small space as she will NOT throw out ANYTHING. Literally. I bet she throws out one small bag of trash per week--and stuff is constantly coming IN. No one can visit with her as her chairs and sofa are piled high with stuff.
She doesn't WANT a clean living space. End of discussion.
I did Marie Kondo's version after my last kid got married. I did it in fits and spurts and of course, I couldn't touch DH's stuff as you really cannot 'organize' for someone else. However, when he saw that I had 3 dresser drawers and he had 17, it hit him that he didn't need to hang on to all that stuff.
Still uses 17 drawers, but they are organized and not packed to the gills.
It's actually a really emotional thing for a lot of people. Trying to help mother--I'd hold up an item and ask "can you live w/o this?" If she said "no" then it got kept. Tediously going through every drawer and cabinet...by day 3 we were both angry and defeated. She looked at every single thing she had as being 'can't live without' and actually went dumpster diving the 3rd night to retrieve a small plastic frog that my nephew had given her 15 years prior. At that, I gave up and have attempted since then to just get her to throw out old bills and newspaper.
I got branded 'heartless and cruel' by her to all the sibs b/c I wanted her to have some room to BREATHE...and she didn't. (For the record, she ASKED for my help).
Take it slowly and be realistic about what you really need/want/ can live without. Don't rush. Take breaks and if you're having a really emotional day, don't even try. After a few days, you might find it really energizing to be able to see progress and more clear space.
Your post has made me look around my house and realize I need to do another big purge!
Good Luck with this. It's doable and possible.
I am a border line hoarder, and my Dad is an all out hoarder.
I do not accept the comment that Hoarding is a result of living through the Great Depression. I am lucky to know a great many people in their 80's and 90's but only one is a hoarder.
Me, I started having issues after a horrific traumatic event in my life. It felt like the one thing I could control.
I do not like Maria Kondo's approach, it may work for some, but her TV show was exploitive of women who were asking for help from their spouses. At least the only episode I watched. The wife was asking for help with chores, but was told if she cleaned out her kitchen drawers and folded her t-shirts a certain way everything would be ok. The DH was left off the hook from providing any help at all.
So what have I done? I hired a declutterer. We tackle one room at a time, and meet between once a month and once every 2 weeks. I use a trash, donate, recycle system. I am not interested in holding a garage sale.
Once things are bagged up, they leave the house the same day. I do not keep anything around.
We are going slowly, I started this process 14 months ago. I do not have a deadline. Since I started I have had a plumbing leak in a wall, luckily in the basement, that has required the ceiling to be partially pulled down in 3 rooms and walls opened up too. The initial leak has been repaired, but due to Covid, the balance of the work, replacing all the copper water lines, is on hold. So the basement is a mess.
I do need help moving some larger pieces of furniture out of my house. But due to Covid, that will have to wait for now.
Where to start. As you are still living in your home, start with the rooms that for you will have the greatest impact. For me that was the kitchen, bathroom and my bedroom.
It truly is easier with help, even if you have to pay for it like me. I am very lucky that the woman who helps me is non judgemental. I would get tons of judgement from family.
1) take one room at a time (I started top of house and worked my way to basement) - and define the purpose of the room (will help with keep, put in different room, or get rid of)
2) take your time - use the process as a way to focus on what you want from your life, how this room contributes to that and how keeping or giving away something will get you closer to that
3) DEAL with what is in front of you - don't put something back because you are undecided or do not want to deal with it. I am a knitter and finally got rid of a bunch of yarn that i will never knit, because i do not like the yarn, but put off getting rid of it because there was so much of it. I had to admit that in getting this yarn i made a mistake. Once i accepted that, i could sell it (I love ebay). Ditto with clothes - i got rid of so much - i had to face the fact that i had made mistakes in what i bought, will never fit in again, and never really liked, and no longer need (formal business suits), it is liberating to have a closet of stuff i actually wear - and so much less. But it is the hardest clearing out i have had to do.
4) organize and declutter go together - for what you keep, where should it go?
5) repair and declutter go together - and do it, do not put off. i finally had a chair repaired that i love but a leg needed to be refitted and re-glued - after 10 years i finally got it done (yes, i procrastinate) I finally hired the electricians and plumbers that i had put off for the minor stuff
6) cleaning and declutter go together - wash the windows, the curtains, remove everything from the shelves and clean
7) touch up and declutter go together - touch up the paint, get the carpet steam cleaned, fix the sagging shelf
8) is there anything that needs to be added to the room to make it live up to its purpose (be cautious here, but i did buy some better lamps and a small bookshelf - it has to be purposeful)
9) once the room is done - maintain
10) I took my "get rid of" to the basement because no places like Goodwill or Half Price Books were accepting donations. What was truly garbage i did throw away. In addition to Donate, I had Sell (Half Price Books, Ebay), and plugged away selling -
11) enjoy the feeling the fixed up room gives you
I'm still not done - about 3/4 of the way - but to my surprise, in talking with DH and DS about "what is this room for?" they got in to the spirit of it and are enjoying our cleaned and decluttered living room and bedrooms. AND they are helping maintain. AND to my surprise - the are starting to attack the LEGO collection - they have actually sold some sets they never put together (BrickLink) and are taking apart some others
Regarding Marie Kondo - my DH and I have a good laugh. If something does not bring you joy - you should get rid of it. Does this apply to DH's also?
And, yes, DH was a bit concerned that HE didn't spark joy in my life.
As she says, it’s not about what you want to toss; it’s about what you really want to keep.
My next project is cleaning and getting rid of things I do not use in the upstairs bedrooms. Take on one room at a time, put things you do not need in boxes/bags and give to your local Salvation Army, or other charitable organization, once they start to reopen, then arrange for pickup. Go through closets and get rid of clothes shoes, boots you do not wear. Do not place them in another room or store in garage. These are just a few things through the years I learned to do and not to do to make my life easier and happier.
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