Tired of being a hoarder and clutter. Need to get my house clean, but do not know where to start.

I am pleased Luzana has brought this topic up. I hope the advice & insight from others is useful.

I've been re-inspired & DID finish the sleepwear drawer (one small step for woman...) It looks so lovely now with old liberty print pjs cut up to make a drawer liner.

I tackled the smalls next ok but struggle with tops. Old, torn, out. But I struggle if it's ok. Feels wasteful to throw useable stuff out even if I never wear it.

I found 2 de-clutter services in my area so if I really am stuck I am going to call one.

It’s a positive sign that you are motivated and ready for change. From what I have read and seen over the years, hoarding is rather complex. There are reasons behind it, but, it is treatable. Have you considered talking to a counselor about it? I’d try to get some professional support. They can help provide you with tools to get started with decluttering and some to keep you on track moving forward. Getting support to help you is important. I wish you all the best.

Get a dumpster and throw everything out. You don’t need it. My mother is a hoarder and won’t throw anything out!!! She lives in her hoarded house. We rented a dumpster and threw most of the stuff out in the basement and garage. Just get rid of it. We accumulated so much stuff since we got married 36 years ago. So many old clothes, old toys, old couches, broken chairs, old mattresses stuffed in the basement, etc. etc. just get rid of it and don’t buy more stuff!! You’ll feel better!! I kept things that were valuable to me such as nice letters and cards from my husband over the years, and from my mother. I saved our coin collection to give to my son that was my father’s. My mother is a hoarder and has so many old papers from 20 years ago if not longer, in her house. She has mainly junk in her house. I will have to deal with it when she dies, which I am dreading 😟.

My parents were hoarders and it was an absolute nightmare cleaning out their house and business. They dealt in "collectibles" and had a warehouse, a storefront condo and a huge space at an indoor flea market. If I had my way I would have called in an estate liquidator but my sister was afraid they would not get the "value" of all that junk. It ended up taking at least 4 years. Penny wise and dollar foolish as the condo fees alone cost over $12,000 per year!

Anyway I digress. It was a huge wake up call for me as I too was a vintage dealer. I was 60 years old and it was getting harder to do the work. I was terrified I would end up like my parents so I made the tough decision to liquidate my business of 20 years. I got a fair offer for the inventory which means about 15 - 20% of retail and I jumped on it. One thing I can tell you, once the stuff was gone it was like I could finally breathe and I don't regret it one bit. Now I am doing the same with my household belongings. I sold three huge lots of stuff for real cheap to a second hand dealers and the rest I donated. It was hard at first, to part with things I have had for years, but once it was gone I felt the same sense of relief. I am going to do another purge soon.

I guess my advice to you is this. Take a first step, any step to get rid of some stuff. The first purge is the hardest. Once you realize you don't miss those things keep at it. I wish you luck!

You need to figure out WHY your home is hoarded/cluttered. It may take some time, but keep asking why. It goes beyond "Because I like stuff". There is some emotional hole that hoarding fills. If you don't get a grip on WHY, it's very likely you'd go back to old ways even if your home was all cleaned out tomorrow.

Some hoard for 'protective' reasons. They want to hide, and want no one messing with their world. They're barricaded by things as a safety measure, albeit not safe at all. On the show Hoarders, one elderly woman said she just didn't know why she hoards. After talking with the psychologist, it came out that when she was a teenager, she had a stepfather who would go into her room at night. She never told anyone. The woman was hoarding out of a need to feel safe. Once she understood that, it was easier for her to let go of things, both mental and physical. Another woman was in a house fire in her 20s, and she hoarded because she was scared of losing things again, and wanted to feel safe by hoarding so much that windows and doors weren't easily accessible. Even though doing that was a fire hazard itself.

My grandparents' house was very cluttered, because of the Depression and thinking nothing should be thrown away, ever. When they died and we cleaned out their house... good lord. It took weeks. She had so much stuff that they never needed and didn't use. Just the two of them in the house and she had 4 full sets of dishware. Christmas trays and bowls she never used. Tax returns from 1960s. Medicine from the 1970s (and they moved into this last house in 1992, so they took the old meds with them)! Closets stuffed with clothes that still had tags. Probably 80 or so blankets. Tons of little decorative items. Old church bulletins. Stacks of wrapping paper from presents she was given, saying "I want to keep them because they're pretty."

Marie Kondo isn't as bare-bones as she is perceived. Take grandma's wrapping paper collection. If grandma looked at them often or re-used them, Marie would NOT tell her to throw it out. Because grandma would have enjoyed them. Instead, they were shoved in a closet and never seen again. If we have some items that we enjoy or just bring happy memories, there's no harm in keeping them. It comes down to what we truly want. Things that life your heart a bit when you see them. Kondo uses the phrase "does it spark joy?". I prefer it as "does this make me happy?" or am I indifferent to it or keep it 'just because'... and realize you don't know what the 'because' was about anymore. Or you liked it once but not so much now. Let it go!

Well I'm not a hoarder, but my DH hate to toss anything! We are redoing Moms area,, got a big TV, electric fireplace and awaiting the delivery in Sept of a new entertainment center. So,, cleaning out the old center. I reduced 5 baskets of DVDs to one and 1/2 , he agreed we no longer need the big cassette player ( no longer have tapes) , am going to pack up all those Dept 56 buildings I used to collect (cant sell them on ebay.. they are for sale but no one is buying.. LOL) Next I'm going through the CDs.. no player in my car and I don't play them in the house except at Christmas, so I'll save the Christmas ones. Next I'll try to sell the treadmill,, on it goes a strp at a time. I have already taken a trunk load of stuff to Goodwill,, clothes and purses I just want gone. Going to dump my cookbooks next! I just try to do a bit at a time,, it will add up in time and I feel good with each small bit.

If you have time you can look up the value of your items on the internet (and of course they need to be in demand right now to be sellable). Please keep in mind that the wave of baby boomers who are downsized and jettisoning their possessions to the millennials who are far less interested in tschotckes and knicknacks and Queen Elizabeth-style furniture so the market has shrunk enormously. Just try giving away an organ nowadays. Here is a site that may be helpful:

https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/magazine/2012/10/how-much-is-your-stuff-worth/index.htm

You could hire a reputable appraiser but I would not sell anything to them (conflict of interest).

See if the items you believe have monetary value are for sale on craigslist or ebay and see if they are selling (or if there's a glut of them listed). When I had to sell my in-laws possessions when they went into LTC I did all of the above but still wound up having to sell things in bulk, i.e. I grouped a bunch of stuff together and put a price on it. A year into housing their things in my garage I was practically giving it away and I could tell the people coming to get it were probably hoarders. We gave up some really nice stuff because nobody wanted it. I've noticed that during this lockdown there are have been almost no garage sales in my area. People are losing their jobs and futures are uncertain, and they can get stuff online. Good luck!

My problem isn’t really hoarding and clutter it’s more of a procrastination of what to do with things that are worth money. I have a lot of gold jewelry I no longer need or use and silver coins that belonged to my Dad. I know I should sell them but here I am procrastinating. Should I sell them on eBay no I might get scammed. Should I sell them privately or at a porn shop???? Should I sell by mail ... no that’s way to risky. I guess there’s that sentimental aspect of it all but come on already isn’t it time for me to poop or get off the pot?

Luzana,
You could approach it like a 4 hour daily job at someone else's home. Commit to that.

Assess your own abilities realistically, do what you can without wasting too much time looking for help.

Make an assessment on what stage of clutter or hoarding you have arrived at. (Photos online). My own perception was way worse than what was just clutter.

Be ruthless when clearing things out. Do not keep the things that cry out: "But I can use this later" or "But I can make something from this".

If there is anything in your walkways to trip on, clear that today.
Pick up one item, and carry it outside. To: 1) the trash 2) the curb with a "free" sign on it. 3) the garage or shed. 4) the trunk of your car to go to the salvation army/donate.

Keep your floors and dishes clean.

WANTING to do this--being aware of your tendencies to hang on to all the stuff you have--and wanting a change, you're in a better headspace than people who are 'forced' into cleaning. (It pretty much never goes well...sad life experience has taught me that).

Do read Marie Kondo's book, or even just google 'decluttering' and/ or 'hoarding' and see what info pertains to you. She's pretty extreme, so bear that in mind when you read.

I have tried and tried to help my mother who is living in a very small space as she will NOT throw out ANYTHING. Literally. I bet she throws out one small bag of trash per week--and stuff is constantly coming IN. No one can visit with her as her chairs and sofa are piled high with stuff.

She doesn't WANT a clean living space. End of discussion.

I did Marie Kondo's version after my last kid got married. I did it in fits and spurts and of course, I couldn't touch DH's stuff as you really cannot 'organize' for someone else. However, when he saw that I had 3 dresser drawers and he had 17, it hit him that he didn't need to hang on to all that stuff.

Still uses 17 drawers, but they are organized and not packed to the gills.

It's actually a really emotional thing for a lot of people. Trying to help mother--I'd hold up an item and ask "can you live w/o this?" If she said "no" then it got kept. Tediously going through every drawer and cabinet...by day 3 we were both angry and defeated. She looked at every single thing she had as being 'can't live without' and actually went dumpster diving the 3rd night to retrieve a small plastic frog that my nephew had given her 15 years prior. At that, I gave up and have attempted since then to just get her to throw out old bills and newspaper.

I got branded 'heartless and cruel' by her to all the sibs b/c I wanted her to have some room to BREATHE...and she didn't. (For the record, she ASKED for my help).

Take it slowly and be realistic about what you really need/want/ can live without. Don't rush. Take breaks and if you're having a really emotional day, don't even try. After a few days, you might find it really energizing to be able to see progress and more clear space.

Your post has made me look around my house and realize I need to do another big purge!

Good Luck with this. It's doable and possible.

Good luck - during the pandemic I have been working on this. My DH and DS (11) are both very attached to their possessions. I have not eliminated their stuff but here is what has worked for me on dealing with  my stuff and community stuff - and has made a difference in how peaceful and comfortable the rooms are now. It takes less time than you might think if you plug away vs try to do all at once and get exhausted

1) take one room at a time (I started top of house and worked my way to basement) - and define the purpose of the room (will help with keep, put in different room, or get rid of)
2) take your time - use the process as a way to focus on what you want from your life, how this room contributes to that and how keeping or giving away something will get you closer to that
3) DEAL with what is in front of you - don't put something back because you are undecided or do not want to deal with it. I am a knitter and finally got rid of a bunch of yarn that i will never knit, because i do not like the yarn, but put off getting rid of it because there was so much of it. I had to admit that in getting this yarn i made a mistake. Once i accepted that, i could sell it (I love ebay). Ditto with clothes - i got rid of so much - i had to face the fact that i had made mistakes in what i bought, will never fit in again, and never really liked, and no longer need (formal business suits), it is liberating to have a closet of stuff i actually wear - and so much less. But it is the hardest clearing out i have had to do.
4) organize and declutter go together - for what you keep, where should it go?
5) repair and declutter go together - and do it, do not put off. i finally had a chair repaired that i love but a leg needed to be refitted and re-glued - after 10 years i finally got it done (yes, i procrastinate) I finally hired the electricians and plumbers that i had put off for the minor stuff
6) cleaning and declutter go together - wash the windows, the curtains, remove everything from the shelves and clean
7) touch up and declutter go together - touch up the paint, get the carpet steam cleaned, fix the sagging shelf
8) is there anything that needs to be added to the room to make it live up to its purpose (be cautious here, but i did buy some better lamps and a small bookshelf - it has to be purposeful)
9) once the room is done - maintain
10) I took my "get rid of" to the basement because no places like Goodwill or Half Price Books were accepting donations. What was truly garbage i did throw away. In addition to Donate, I had Sell (Half Price Books, Ebay), and plugged away selling -
11) enjoy the feeling the fixed up room gives you

I'm still not done - about 3/4 of the way - but to my surprise, in talking with DH and DS about "what is this room for?" they got in to the spirit of it and are enjoying our cleaned and decluttered living room and bedrooms. AND they are helping  maintain. AND to my surprise - the are starting to attack the LEGO collection - they have actually sold some sets they never put together (BrickLink) and are taking apart some others

Regarding Marie Kondo - my DH and I have a good laugh. If something does not bring you joy - you should get rid of it. Does this apply to DH's also?

It's like going down the rabbit hole. Just start and expect to experience a lot of emotions. I've tried to listen to podcasts while sorting through the garage, the last frontier. This garage holds the belongings of my sister, aunt, mother, and early years of my son. A lot of emotions having to sort through the excesses and belongings of family. The air and energy once there is clear space is the best feeling though.

Luzana,

I am a border line hoarder, and my Dad is an all out hoarder.

I do not accept the comment that Hoarding is a result of living through the Great Depression. I am lucky to know a great many people in their 80's and 90's but only one is a hoarder.

Me, I started having issues after a horrific traumatic event in my life. It felt like the one thing I could control.

I do not like Maria Kondo's approach, it may work for some, but her TV show was exploitive of women who were asking for help from their spouses. At least the only episode I watched. The wife was asking for help with chores, but was told if she cleaned out her kitchen drawers and folded her t-shirts a certain way everything would be ok. The DH was left off the hook from providing any help at all.

So what have I done? I hired a declutterer. We tackle one room at a time, and meet between once a month and once every 2 weeks. I use a trash, donate, recycle system. I am not interested in holding a garage sale.

Once things are bagged up, they leave the house the same day. I do not keep anything around.

We are going slowly, I started this process 14 months ago. I do not have a deadline. Since I started I have had a plumbing leak in a wall, luckily in the basement, that has required the ceiling to be partially pulled down in 3 rooms and walls opened up too. The initial leak has been repaired, but due to Covid, the balance of the work, replacing all the copper water lines, is on hold. So the basement is a mess.

I do need help moving some larger pieces of furniture out of my house. But due to Covid, that will have to wait for now.

Where to start. As you are still living in your home, start with the rooms that for you will have the greatest impact. For me that was the kitchen, bathroom and my bedroom.

It truly is easier with help, even if you have to pay for it like me. I am very lucky that the woman who helps me is non judgemental. I would get tons of judgement from family.

Read “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo. It was a game changer for me. Declutter in the steps she outlines. Figure out WHY you want to declutter and how you imagine your life and home will be afterwards.

As she says, it’s not about what you want to toss; it’s about what you really want to keep.

Covid-19 is likely going to preclude you addressing this now. But it is a good time to start slow. You have the intention now and that is great. Just begin a little at a time, and each garbage day put out some throw away, and some give away at the curb. When Covid-19 is over you can hire an organizer to help. Good luck. It is a positive thing you are doing, taking control of your life and making it better. As you clear and organize your home your mind will clear and organize as a result, you will feel a sense of accomplishment. Wishing you good luck. Hoping you keep us informed. Remember, each tiny step is a tiny step forward. They accumulate, just like the "stuff" does. And you will progress forward.

I cleaned out a four bedroom farmhouse of Moms. She grew up during the depression and the war. Threw nothing out because "someone may need it".

Take a room at a time. We, DH and I started with the Attic. Nothing needed to be kept. Then worked down to the 4 bedrooms. Mom still had my sisters and brothers stuff. Sister had passed so got rid of most of her stuff. Brothers got packed up and given to him when he came home.
We had started on Moms house while she was alive. I had sat her down and made two piles, one for keep on for getting rid of.

With my own house, it was if I haven't used it in 10 or 20 yrs, I got rid of it. And if I didn't think I was going to use it in next 10/20 yrs I got rid of it. That stuff I donated to Church actions and thrift shops. If ur on Facebook, they have local yard sale sites. Maybe able to make a little money on the stuff ur getting rid of.

My MIL was different. We had a estate sale for her house. We went in and got rid of the "junk". Like magazines she had piled in the closet. She had tons of CDs, cassettes, books and VCR tapes. I organized things so everything was in one place. She had her sewing supplies all over. Family took what they wanted and what was left was saleable stuff. Of course furniture and everything went but even paying commission, we made 3k on her stuff. What was left was given away to thrift shops.

You may want to look at it as your moving. What do you really need to take with you? Believe me, there are somethings I could still part with but that will happen when I downsize and I know what it will be. I am 70 so won't need much to live the rest of my life.

Totally agree with CWillie, but the first thing I'd do is eliminate "hoarding" from my vocabulary.    People who grew up during the Depression saved b/c they either couldn't afford to buy something new or didn't know if it would be on the market.   

There are also people who save for their collections.   The fact that someone saves bottle caps or coke bottles doesn't mean it's hoarding, although I do understand the vast difference between that and saving old newspapers and things that aren't useful.  

I also think there are psychological issues beyond the ways this phenomenon is addressed by the "experts".     Life changes redirect foci from emphasis on housekeeping to more deep and probably important issues.    Getting through life's crises and challenges, big and small, becomes paramount and can demand all the effort some people can muster.

Emphasizing CWillie's points, start small, reward yourself afterwards, and keep a log of what you've done so you can look back and see the progress.   When you feel you can't make another decision, stop then and don't restart until you feel more comfortable with the challenge.

Think of it as a large scale project, like building a nuclear plant.  I mention this because I saw a CPM schedule for a nuclear plant and was just overwhelmed at the planning and itemization of every task.   Dividing up the tasks and prioritizing can refocus to the prerequisites as opposed to the concept of "hoarding."

Good luck, and remember:  don't reprimand yourself; that accomplishes nothing.

I think that when you look at the task as a whole the sheer enormity can be paralyzing. My advice is to start small, if one room is too much to contemplate then shrink it down to one closet or one box in that closet, rather than tackling a bedroom focus on one dresser, or one drawer. Keep up the forward momentum by scheduling time in your week/day to devote to the task, but not too long at once though so you don't get overwhelmed. Once one area is finished instead of focusing on what's left to do Celebrate even the smallest victory.

Luz, I know what you mean, we just hired professions to haul away our junk and not so junk. Had 3 family households in our two car garage, tripped to get something in the garage one day, and that was it. Cost me $3,500 to clean and haul away, not perfect, but better. This was something on my to do list for a few years, now being home, and not running around, I can get things done.
My next project is cleaning and getting rid of things I do not use in the upstairs bedrooms. Take on one room at a time, put things you do not need in boxes/bags and give to your local Salvation Army, or other charitable organization, once they start to reopen, then arrange for pickup. Go through closets and get rid of clothes shoes, boots you do not wear. Do not place them in another room or store in garage. These are just a few things through the years I learned to do and not to do to make my life easier and happier.

Have you read the book?

Marie Kondo's book:
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying: A simple, effective way to banish clutter forever

I loved it! Although *disclosure* I am still have not finished the whole process. I did amazingly well with clothes but got stuck at papers...

Anyone else tried it?

Good recommendation from DyingDad to follow. Can you please clarify if it is you who believes is hoarding, or are you living with someone who is? Or is your house just really "full of years" and collections of memories.? I'm only asking because clinical hoarding behavior really needs the help of a therapist, otherwise the clutter may go away temporarily but the behavior will cause the hoarder to continue filling up the residence again. Thanks for any extra information you can provide.