I am taking care of my elderly mom with dementia, I’m not an only child but you would think I am, cause I basically have ALL the responsibility. I just am so tired after taking care of her that I just don’t have any desire for sex with my husband. It just seems like another issue I have to deal with. I’m 61 and have gone through menopause, just started hormones, to see if that helps. I’m just so overwhelmed I don’t want to do anything. I know I am burnt out I have been taking care of her for over 5 years, but there just seems like no end in sight. I just want my life back, I have no time for me anymore. With covid it just makes it hard to feel comfortable putting her in a facility, and she doesn’t have the money for in home care. I just don’t know what to do anymore, just feel so empty.
Stop putting the rest of YOUR life on hold and look into placement for your mom where you can go visit her every day, if you so desire. It's okay to look after yourself and your husband now; nowhere is it written you have to lay down your own life to care for a demented mother at home to your own detriment.
Good luck realizing that your life matters too!
Your Dad did not know the future. He cared about you as well as your mother. He would not want you to be like this. He would trust and want you to make your best decision on what is happening now, to you as well as to her. Have trust in him that he would understand what commonsense needs you to do. And trust yourself to value your mother, yourself, your husband and your marriage. Have courage, Margaret
It's time to get your life back. Start looking at places. I bet if you start to look that it will help you feel hopeful. Good luck.
As for your mom, you know what I will say....time for AL. When I finally got my brother convinced, our mom tested with higher needs than we anticipated. Right now she has gone to a dementia facility for rehab after broken hip surgery and fingers crossed, will return to AL but to a smaller, lockdown wing although not in full memory care yet. It has been a lot to do and take in ever since her initial move but every day my brother and I comment on how her staying at home even with one of us would have made life impossible. You are walking the path that we didn't take. It is understandably difficult. The home is good about precautions for covid. We had a 2 week lockdown due to a case on campus but almost every patient is vaxxed and all staff is vaxxed.
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