My uncle has reached out to me, telling me things that sound like elder abuse, financial exploitation, withholding treatment and comfort care.
Please bear with me, as I can come back later as I am able to explain.
APS was contacted but not by me or my sister. The results were disastrous and we were banned by the family for trying to help. After several months, he now has home delivered meals initiated by my sister months prior. The family were in denial that he could not at times prepare his own meals. He has been moved to his other step-son's home, in a cleaner environment, but alone for 10-12 hrs.
Keeping an eye on his situation:
1) Why can't he have new glasses if he has $5,000/month income?
2) Why can't he have his brace he needs to walk with post-polio syndrome?
3) How can his very ill wife take his income to support her and her 50 y.o. son in the home that he was taken from, and deny him care?
4) How can these 5 people decide to move him away again, always under their control, against his will?
5) He says he has Ca of the lung, and could not even get care in a facility because his wife needs his money for her care.
6) "They" say: "Oh, there is money, in a trust". They appear more interested in protecting their trust money than caring for either my uncle, or his wife, who remains in their home of the last 20+ years after moving in her son.
7) There is more, but I am powerless. It doesn't look good for them when his stepson (his wife's other son) says "Oh, I have his eye Rx in my pocket now". Uncle still doesn't have his glasses, and I believe, since he has 6 months to live, his wife will not allow the glasses.
I have watched real abuse go on since November, and did not report .
Can he have glasses, his brace? Caregivers come in?
Cwillie was right on again.
The on again off again cancer diagnosis... well it's confusing, but one would think that untreated lung cancer would be progressing, perhaps it was a false diagnosis? (Not unheard of, I know of someone it happened to)
Since you were seemingly unjustly blamed and banished for calling APS the first time around what harm can come from asking them for a follow up, listing all your concerns?
APS investigated, causing the move away from his wife and a**hole stepson.
Good stepson is overwhelmed with care and responsibilities and they won't cough up the funds for outside caregivers.
Bio family proposes another move to bio son and DIL's home.
Auntie is ill and maybe is being manipulated by her son, or maybe is just enmeshed with his scheming, dysfunctional ways.
You are angry, sad, and basically powerless.
((HUGS)) I think your role has to be to play cheerful and stupid... You need glasses, well I'm sure stepson will take care of it soon! Moving in with son and DIL will be SO nice! Reassure him, cheer him, do whatever it takes to bolster his spirit, even if it is a bold faced lie. Sorry, but I can't see anything else that won't just stir the pot and get you nowhere.
What would you report to APS? Do you have a list to relay to them with episodes and facts to back your concerns? If they go to his home, will they find your uncle emaciated, bad personal hygiene, and generally uncared for and neglected? You had stated above that you don't have all the facts due to a schizsm amongst his family. APS will be better equipped to assess your uncle for abuse if you can present your concerns succinctly.
I truly hope this all works out for your uncle. It would wear on me too if I knew my uncle was being abused and was feeling trapped & powerless, and I sense you feel the same.
Also giving consideration to what surprise offered in their post- often patients with dementia/altzheimer's disease are not the most reliable through no fault of their own.
Good luck to you, & bless you for caring so much about him.
As cwillie stated, present things in a positive way to your uncle so as not to stress him even more. Many posters above offered great solutions as well.
He resides with son and daughter-in-law now.
He says soon they will get him a new PCP.
God Bless you Uncle.
But to not have basic needs met...to by default allow her bully stepson to in fact be in control of their money, would never be Uncle's choice.
My uncle just is not up for a fight, a legal battle, and neither am I, wanting him to have as peaceful a life as possible with his remaining years.
Thanks for listening.....and I apologize to family reading this....identified only by their hurtful selfish behaviors....similar to so many others....you could be mistaken for just any predator.
Lung cancer is incredibly painful. If there could be a choice in the way to die from it, it would be to die in one's sleep before the most painful moments. I am glad that hospice exists as if that cancer happens to me, I want to sleep through the pain and into eternity.
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