I came to Louisiana with my partner so he could be with terminal father. The father has long passed but partner wants to stay here with his family. I have never liked living here and now that I'm ill I want to move back to Illinois where I have family and a support system. We aren't married but leaving a sick partner seems wrong yet I have my own ill health and heart disease to care for. Since he has family here and I don't how do I move back home gracefully? I might add that our relationship has been bad the whole time as he has basically abandoned me for these 10 years and chosen family over me at every step.
On the more practical side, your profile says you own the house (assuming you are the “Cindy” being cared for). Evicting your partner may be a hitch in the plans. Your state does not recognize common law marriage, so your partner is likely legally considered a renter/roommate. This is a case where a divorce may have been easier as the laws and protocols are in place for dealing with such a breakup. You may need to consult an attorney anyhow for the best procedure to remove this person so you can sell your house and leave.
Don't argue and place blame.
Explain that you have chosen a different path than him.
Don't say anything in anger, no matter what anyone says to you.
Handle the house and belongings as a business deal. What's his is his and what's yours is yours.
Take care of you and don't worry what him or his family thinks, they haven't cared about you in ten years, they ain't gonna start now, so don't believe any sentiment expressed to manipulate you.
Change is hard, so decide on a course of actions and stick to it.
Best wishes for an easy transition.
Do you own the house? If so and partner is not on the deed, then sell it, giving him papers that say he needs to move out by a certain time. Ask the Realtor if he can represent u in the eviction if ur partner refuses to leave. U can give temporary POA for this purpose. That way you can leave when u want to.
If you want to move home, do it. And you reasoning is sound. You too are ill and cannot take care of him and he can't take care of you. He has support there and you need to go home where your support is.
Go gracefully by finding resources he may be able to use. The County Office of Aging may help u with this. Ours provides Senior bussing and aides if he fits the income requirements. Medicaid has "in home" help but then again, he has to have a certain income.
Do not allow your leaving to drag on. If the house is not yours, then moving will be even easier. Explain to him that he has never made you a priority that's been his family. And that's OK because they now can care for him because you don't feel you owe him anything at this point. To make moving easier, give him the furniture. Only take your personal stuff and what you need to start over. Sell things.
If you don't make this move, you will regret it. Your gut is trying to tell you...time to go.
Louisiana does not recognize common law marriage.
Follow your heart back to Illinois and don’t lose any precious time on regret.
I divorced my ex after 22 years, but should have left after 12. The last 10 years I stayed were due to misguided feelings of guilt and obligation which was a mistake. The divorce was in 2002 and we're good friends to this day.
We only have ONE go-around in this life, so be sure you're making good decisions for the right reasons. You're not deserting your partner in the middle of nowhere after he's treated you like a queen for 10 years. You're finally doing something for YOURSELF that seems long overdue.
Wishing you the best of luck with your health and with starting a new chapter of life. Change is always scary but its also like the icing on a cupcake: the best part.
You're not wanting to do any more than what he wants and is doing now.
Ya'll both want to be around your own family.
Maybe partner will decide to move with you, if that's an option.
Bring around your family cab be nice or it can be lonely.
Juse because you move back. Doesn't mean you'll have family seeing you all the time. Everyone has their own life to deal with.
You may move back and only have a visit from a family member once a week or once a month when at least with your partner, you have someone around constantly.
Best thing is talk it out with each other and be realistic about the future.
This is clearly a difficult decision for NotSouthern. Writing about our challenges can help us organize our thoughts and see things more clearly.
After 10 years I would not worry about making a graceful exit.
(although after 10 years you blood has thinned out a bit and you are returning here at the start of a pretty chilly time of year...)
You do say in your profile that you are caring for him in YOUR home. If this is the case making an exit, packing your bags and leaving might not be so easy. Or graceful.
If you are both on the house deed one will have to buy the other out. Or you can force the sale. If it is your house you will have to legally evict him or he can buy you out. Might be something to talk to a lawyer about.
If there are any joint assets that also needs to be taken care of. Louisiana is a Common Property Law state so assets would be divided equally (although it does not look like Louisiana recognizes Common Law Marriage so it might not matter...again a lawyer would be helpful)
The family in Illinois—can you reach out to any of them and ask for help with the logistics of moving back home? A sibling, a cousin? If this relationship has been bad for a while, they may be happy to help you extract yourself. I wish you the very best of luck and happier, healthier times in the future.
I know the dynamic of mixed 'stuff', finances and furniture and all may seem daunting to cut in half--but look at it this way: you are starting a whole new chapter. You can probably pack and ship what is absolutely necessary and live with a sib until you are able to find housing.
In the end, the stuff you have acquired together is just that: stuff. And other than your clothing and maybe some small pieces of furniture--wouldn't it feel good to have control over your own life again?
You did the kindest thing to uproot your life to help your SO. Now that's over, take care of YOU. No need to fight it out, just calmly state how you feel and move forward. He likely won't help you, but you can do this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABXtWqmArUU
So many people we trust to be fair and honorable, end up being anything but fair and honorable. I’ve personally been devastated by thinking my partner was honorable, and got screwed out of LITERALLY EVERYTHING. Everything. I got the police and lawyers involved, they tried to help, but his name was mutually on all of my accounts, and he took it all and got away with it.
Do not trust your soon-to-be-ex partner. Protect yourself.