I came to Louisiana with my partner so he could be with terminal father. The father has long passed but partner wants to stay here with his family. I have never liked living here and now that I'm ill I want to move back to Illinois where I have family and a support system. We aren't married but leaving a sick partner seems wrong yet I have my own ill health and heart disease to care for. Since he has family here and I don't how do I move back home gracefully? I might add that our relationship has been bad the whole time as he has basically abandoned me for these 10 years and chosen family over me at every step.
So many people we trust to be fair and honorable, end up being anything but fair and honorable. I’ve personally been devastated by thinking my partner was honorable, and got screwed out of LITERALLY EVERYTHING. Everything. I got the police and lawyers involved, they tried to help, but his name was mutually on all of my accounts, and he took it all and got away with it.
Do not trust your soon-to-be-ex partner. Protect yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABXtWqmArUU
I know the dynamic of mixed 'stuff', finances and furniture and all may seem daunting to cut in half--but look at it this way: you are starting a whole new chapter. You can probably pack and ship what is absolutely necessary and live with a sib until you are able to find housing.
In the end, the stuff you have acquired together is just that: stuff. And other than your clothing and maybe some small pieces of furniture--wouldn't it feel good to have control over your own life again?
You did the kindest thing to uproot your life to help your SO. Now that's over, take care of YOU. No need to fight it out, just calmly state how you feel and move forward. He likely won't help you, but you can do this.
The family in Illinois—can you reach out to any of them and ask for help with the logistics of moving back home? A sibling, a cousin? If this relationship has been bad for a while, they may be happy to help you extract yourself. I wish you the very best of luck and happier, healthier times in the future.
After 10 years I would not worry about making a graceful exit.
(although after 10 years you blood has thinned out a bit and you are returning here at the start of a pretty chilly time of year...)
You do say in your profile that you are caring for him in YOUR home. If this is the case making an exit, packing your bags and leaving might not be so easy. Or graceful.
If you are both on the house deed one will have to buy the other out. Or you can force the sale. If it is your house you will have to legally evict him or he can buy you out. Might be something to talk to a lawyer about.
If there are any joint assets that also needs to be taken care of. Louisiana is a Common Property Law state so assets would be divided equally (although it does not look like Louisiana recognizes Common Law Marriage so it might not matter...again a lawyer would be helpful)
You're not wanting to do any more than what he wants and is doing now.
Ya'll both want to be around your own family.
Maybe partner will decide to move with you, if that's an option.
Bring around your family cab be nice or it can be lonely.
Juse because you move back. Doesn't mean you'll have family seeing you all the time. Everyone has their own life to deal with.
You may move back and only have a visit from a family member once a week or once a month when at least with your partner, you have someone around constantly.
Best thing is talk it out with each other and be realistic about the future.
This is clearly a difficult decision for NotSouthern. Writing about our challenges can help us organize our thoughts and see things more clearly.
I divorced my ex after 22 years, but should have left after 12. The last 10 years I stayed were due to misguided feelings of guilt and obligation which was a mistake. The divorce was in 2002 and we're good friends to this day.
We only have ONE go-around in this life, so be sure you're making good decisions for the right reasons. You're not deserting your partner in the middle of nowhere after he's treated you like a queen for 10 years. You're finally doing something for YOURSELF that seems long overdue.
Wishing you the best of luck with your health and with starting a new chapter of life. Change is always scary but its also like the icing on a cupcake: the best part.
Louisiana does not recognize common law marriage.
Follow your heart back to Illinois and don’t lose any precious time on regret.