My 91 year old Mother is not able to live independently, she has an in home unskilled caregiver 14 hours per day now. Other than being deaf and very weak and unable to walk without assistance, she is in surprising good health and adamant to stay in her own home. However, the cost of in home care will deplete her savings in less than 2 years. How can we best explain to her she must investigate other options or risk being penniless and unable to care for herself?
Sit her down and have an honest and frank discussion with your mom. Tell her that she is running out of money and will not be able to stay in her home. Let her know that she has your full support and that you will help her figure out her next step.
Once your mom has this information be prepared for her to begin coming up with ideas on how she can stay in her home. The ideas will be desperate and unrealistic but try to put yourself in her shoes and be empathetic and understanding. It's best that she gets this information now so she has time to process it and begin thinking about what she wants to do next.
Be her advocate and help her to see what is out there in her price range. She doesn't have to move NOW, but sooner rather than later. You don't want to be in the situation where you are forced by circumstances to place her anyplace that has a bed available and she has no voice in the matter.
If she has enough money for 2 more years in her home, does waiting a year make sense for this discussion? At 91 things can change drastically in a year.
Sadly, jeannegibbs is right - at 91, I don't blame your mother for not wanting to move. It's time to line up medicaid for her as I don't know how long it takes. But she'll have to spend what she has to be eligible.
Just call the Elderly Protection Services. An agent will come to help you explain to her (As they did to the couple) the necessity of using the sale of her house for her care. Social Service will only advice if there are assets that it could be used. In this case, your mother has a house that it can be sold. The social worker assigned to her will support her emotionally and help her gradually come to terms with the lose of her house as much as looking forward moving into a retirement home with assisted living.
I kept repeating this to the couple over and over asking them how it'll be if a legal guardian will take over their decisions. I insisted kindly that it was better for them to decide on their future while they could and not leave it for other people to decide their fate. It worked for them.
Perhaps if you'll approach your mother in a similar way she'll on her own will decide what to do. Reach for real help I'm sure that in the area you live there is a Social Services agency. They'll guide you step by step. (They did to me).
I'm happy to tell you that the elderly couple are enjoying themselves very much and even though they miss their house, I can say that they're pleased with themselves believing and understanding now how it was the best decision they have ever made.
I wish you the best of luck.
Tania
My mom has some dementia but is still at home with home helpers - and me! I estimate she can go about another 3 years financially at home with the current arrangement. She is 91 but pretty physically healthy. I'm not going to worry until year 3.
Good luck!
I would just try to explain to Mom that money is getting tight and that you have to sell the home and she has to move in with one of you. If that doesn't sit well with her, explain the numbers to her. I am assuming that she is not too mentally impaired so that she could somewhat understand what you are telling her.
We are going through this right now and, while my Mom doesn't have a lot of money, we still have to spend it down, which won't be difficult because there isn't that much. Also, we are using her funds to prepay for her cremation, etc. When that's done, we are going to cash in her life insurance policies so that she may add it to her accounts. Hopefully, you and your Mom are on the same checking account and charge card, which makes things a lot easier.
I hope this helped. Good luck and God bless.
"How do Reverse Mortgages Work?
When you have a regular mortgage, you pay the lender every month to buy your home over time. In a reverse mortgage, you get a loan in which the lender pays you. Reverse mortgages take part of the equity in your home and convert it into payments to you – a kind of advance payment on your home equity. The money you get usually is tax-free. Generally, you don’t have to pay back the money for as long as you live in your home. When you die, sell your home, or move out, you, your spouse, or your estate would repay the loan. Sometimes that means selling the home to get money to repay the loan."
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Your mom would need to live IN the house to not have to pay back the loan. I don't mean to be rude, but how long realistically do you think your mom can stay in her home? I think this plan would work better for younger seniors who could remain at home.
If she went into a facility 3 months after she got the loan, then she (or you) would need to start repaying the loan!
I'm not sure that a Reverse Mortgage would be her best choice at this time.
Please read the fine print before she signs anything. The odds of her ending up in AL or NH at 91 are fairly high.
The monthly funds your Mom would receive from a Reverse Mortgage is only the principle. When it comes time to pay back on the "loan" not only does one need to pay the principle BUT also the interest on the loan, plus fees. No different than a regular house loan. Mom would be responsible for the real estate property tax, and for her house insurance from her own pocket.
Oh, if Mom's caregiver isn't from an Agency, it is very important for Mom to purchase "workman's comp" insurance just in case the caregiver gets hurt at home.
Reverse Mortgages are great for those who already have a lot of money and want to use part of the equity to purchase more stock, to go on luxury vacation or put a grandchild through college.
Now trying to explain all this Mom won't be easy as it would need to be in writing, and all of this is so darn complicated, even us mere mortals can find it confusing.