I was primary caregiver for both my elderly parents. My dad passed away in Aug of this year and my mom passed away this past Tuesday. I’m 36 and have a 14 year old who’s on the spectrum. I put my life on hold for 12 yrs to take care of my parents. I also have 3 siblings (who are in their 60’s) 2 of my siblings called the financial firm to “help me” the day after my mom passed. And have not stopped calling or texting me to see if I need “help” to start the estate stuff. I didn’t get the chance to mourn my dad passing because my mom went down hill right after and it was all about her. Now she’s gone and I can’t even mourn her because my siblings are being money hungry. What do I do? Nothing was set up in writing except for a few small things. My son needs stability and they are wanting me to buy them out of their shares for the house. They are fussing over the repairs my mom wanted done getting done but in the next sentence they say we just want what mom wanted. Both my parents wanted me and my son taken care of. What do I do? Where do I even start?
Hang up and don't take any more calls until next year.
They are despicable.
My deepest condolences on all of your losses, including your siblings.
Sometimes putting it right back on someone opens their eyes to how insensitive and truly awful they sound.
This person needs to heal and manage.
It isn't a matter (at this point) of teaching or trying to convey awareness of insensitivity, etc., it is needing to set limits/create boundaries so this person can do what is necessary in her own time.
If there is no Will, you can become Administrator. You do the duties of an Executor but...the State determines who inherits.
As said, do not answer their calls.
FIRST, take the time you need and DESERVE to mourn. Then get a lawyer who can help you through all the pieces. If there was no will they can help you navigate intestate laws in your state. And represent your interest.
It's a lot. Don't be pressured or rushed. There are certain steps that need to be taken and this will all take time. You spent 12 years of your life caregiving. Take all the time you need, and in my opinion I would not even begin to try to engage an attorney until at least after the new year.
Haste makes waste.
Here is how the Germans say it, "Do it right or don't do it at all.'
Take your time with proper documents and do not rush. No family can pressure you into the wrong moves that increase the processing time and frustration. Furthermore, you need some privacy and time for yourself to grieve. Seek counseling if it gets too challenging.
But if she didn't die intestate, and you're the executor, the big thing to remember here is that your siblings aren't looking for someone to help you. They're looking for someone to help them. If all they REALLY want is to be bought out of their shares, they can wait. As long as her assets are basically frozen (apart from ensuring necessary bills are being paid), there is no urgency. You can tell them you've seen to the immediate expenses, and everything else is frozen; thank them for their concern and tell them you'll keep them posted when it's time to move forward with other aspects of distributing the estate.
To give them their share of the home, you'll need appraisal of property and possibly to arrange financing of you're going to buy them out.
If parents had a will, have you completed dad's probate yet? If no wills, you'll need to get atty to help open the probate.
Dont discuss house repairs done while they were alive with them. Tell them not on the table. Keep good records to account for all monies and properties that will be distributed.
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