My mother has enetered the dementia unit of a pretty good nursing home. She will never come back home. At the end of the month, I need to give up her apartment. I have a sister who lives out of state, but I have taken total responsibility for every aspect of her care since 2006, when she began to decline. (My dad's been dead since 1983.) I am mom's POA, HCP, and the executor of her will and (modest) estate. The question is around her antique (and non-antique) furniture. In her will, she left part to my sister and part to her cousins (who actually asked in 2008 if they could have certain pieces upon her death!Mom agreed! Btw, my cousins live on the opposite coast, have not seen my mom since 2008, and may or may not even remember the agreement.) The thing is, mom's not dead and I am unclear on what action to take now that I need to get everything out of the apartment. (I don't want to "store" everything at my house, waiting for her to die.) I don't believe we're under any legal obligation to keep belongings we no longer need, just to leave them to someone after death. Had these items not been willed, I would dispose of (donate, sell) them as I saw fit and the proceeds would become part of her estate. But they are willed, and I am struggling with the legality and morality of what to do. Neither my sister nor my mother care much about mom, and I am working to clean out 54 years worth of "stuff" alone and against a time contraint (I also work full time). If it matters, in the last 15 years, my sister has come to vist my mother 5 times. As another aside, I have reason to believe my sister could care less about having the furniture. Advice? Sorry for the long post and the fact that it's not exactly about "caregiving," but I have found this group to be a weath of knowledge.
I am assuming that these items wouldn't amount to a substantial monetary value, and that their value won't become material to a Medicaid claim?
I think the ethical point, for you as a caregiver, is that in using your POA you are expected to enact her wishes as far as you can reasonably determine them. Leaving aside how deserving these people are, you know what your mother's wishes are - she wants people to have these keepsakes. That's why you should make a reasonable effort to follow her instructions; but I stress 'reasonable'. No, you don't have to find storage room, no you don't have to sling a wardrobe over your back and walk to your sister's house to deliver it; just give them a fair chance either to make arrangements for collection or else waïve their bequests. How long have you got before her home has to be cleared?
I'll be in this same boat, although my mom has nothing of value. I'm going to donate all the furnishings to church or Lutheran services who help set up households to new immigrants, etc. the rest will go to Habitat store (they pick up) clothes, old linens, etc. to trash.
Perhaps there is a way to turn the exempt household property into funds that can cover her necessities, but I would get it in writing and made very clear first.
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