Mom just entered a nursing home for long term care. What should I do with her belongings?
My mother has enetered the dementia unit of a pretty good nursing home. She will never come back home. At the end of the month, I need to give up her apartment. I have a sister who lives out of state, but I have taken total responsibility for every aspect of her care since 2006, when she began to decline. (My dad's been dead since 1983.) I am mom's POA, HCP, and the executor of her will and (modest) estate. The question is around her antique (and non-antique) furniture. In her will, she left part to my sister and part to her cousins (who actually asked in 2008 if they could have certain pieces upon her death!Mom agreed! Btw, my cousins live on the opposite coast, have not seen my mom since 2008, and may or may not even remember the agreement.) The thing is, mom's not dead and I am unclear on what action to take now that I need to get everything out of the apartment. (I don't want to "store" everything at my house, waiting for her to die.) I don't believe we're under any legal obligation to keep belongings we no longer need, just to leave them to someone after death. Had these items not been willed, I would dispose of (donate, sell) them as I saw fit and the proceeds would become part of her estate. But they are willed, and I am struggling with the legality and morality of what to do. Neither my sister nor my mother care much about mom, and I am working to clean out 54 years worth of "stuff" alone and against a time contraint (I also work full time). If it matters, in the last 15 years, my sister has come to vist my mother 5 times. As another aside, I have reason to believe my sister could care less about having the furniture. Advice? Sorry for the long post and the fact that it's not exactly about "caregiving," but I have found this group to be a weath of knowledge.
13 Answers
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"Nothing can stop your sister from suing you if she chooses to, but the items bequeathed in the will are your mother's possessions to do with what she pleases until she is gone and the will comes into effect. Your sister has no claim on the furniture just like I have no claim on my mother's co-op in Brooklyn. My mother is going to sell her co-op soon to aid her in retirement and that is her prerogative. Basically, your sister has no right to the furniture because she does not have a contract to receive the furniture from your mother. It's a gratuitous transfer with no consideration from your sister and it comes into play only AFTER a bright-line contingency--your mother's passing. If your sale of the furniture is in your mother's interest and not yours, I would say that you are doing your duty as POA.
As always, please keep in mind that this should not be considered legal advice because I have not been retained and I have not researched the subject matter specifically.
Perhaps there is a way to turn the exempt household property into funds that can cover her necessities, but I would get it in writing and made very clear first.
I would think that the person named in the Will, and the item(s) attached to that name, that you could give that item to that person.... put it in writing, take a photo of said item(s) and have you and the person sign their name/date that the item had been picked up. That way, say 5 years down the line and your Mom passes on, the person cannot come back and say she didn't receive the item mentioned in the Will. Just a thought.
As for the rest of the household furniture and items, auction houses will come in and haul away all the items, but you may need to have a moving company come in to box it up. Then the items are sold and you get 50% or whatever of the buyers paid.
Some elders will Will household items without realizing the logistics involved in getting a huge five piece massive King Arthur's dining room set with 20 large high back chairs from point A to point B, and that the grand-daughter may not have room for the set now... 30 years after that then 10 year old grand-daughter said how she wished she had a dining room set like that.
I still feel weird giving away her willed property while she's alive. I would also feel weird selling the items to the ppl they're willed to. I feel that right now, her life has changed such that she may need the cash a sale might bring. She's only allowed to keep $50 a month of her own ss because the NH gets the rest. My fear is that this will open a huge can of worms I don't have the time or energy for. Are these people entitled to these things before my mother dies? I know, I'm going around in circles...
I'll be in this same boat, although my mom has nothing of value. I'm going to donate all the furnishings to church or Lutheran services who help set up households to new immigrants, etc. the rest will go to Habitat store (they pick up) clothes, old linens, etc. to trash.
I am assuming that these items wouldn't amount to a substantial monetary value, and that their value won't become material to a Medicaid claim?
I think the ethical point, for you as a caregiver, is that in using your POA you are expected to enact her wishes as far as you can reasonably determine them. Leaving aside how deserving these people are, you know what your mother's wishes are - she wants people to have these keepsakes. That's why you should make a reasonable effort to follow her instructions; but I stress 'reasonable'. No, you don't have to find storage room, no you don't have to sling a wardrobe over your back and walk to your sister's house to deliver it; just give them a fair chance either to make arrangements for collection or else waïve their bequests. How long have you got before her home has to be cleared?