She is the most negative person I have ever known. It's like a dark cloud. Mom likes to make stupid comments, to me, indicating she wish she would go to sleep and never wake up. She has nerve pain which I understand because I also suffer from nerve pain but I don't have pity parties. I ask her why don't you make these stupid comments around your other children if and when they decide to come by. I told her I'm breaking my back trying to keep her well and satisfied and I have to listen to this s??t! I've had it, can't take it anymore.
Or if you just feel like complaining, "Bring it On" we're listening... lol
Video tape your Mom when she does this and pass it along to your siblings.
On another note, I am concerned for you and your ability to care for your Mom. You sound bitter about having to care for her. Call your siblings together - or have a free conference call if distance is an issue - and let them know you are burnt out.
Get therapy for yourself. Forgive your Mom and ask God to help you love and serve her. Your mom is clearly dealing with her own demons - and perhaps she is trying to make peace.
Have her friends come visit her. She may feel really isolated.
I believe our parents choose one child to vent their fears and complaints to, usually it's the one that they can count on, the one who will be there for them and not abandon them. They are re-examining their lives and may feel bitter because they didn't get to do the things they wanted to do or have some other unfinished business. They may be bitter because their pain or declining health is preventing them from living the way they want to live.
If you can find something she is interested in, maybe you could print articles from the internet, get books from the library or get out old photo albums to look at. Maybe ask about some of the good times she had in her life. You may be able to bring these things up as a way to change the subject when she starts on a complaining binge.
I wish you patience and courage, it's not an easy road.
Many months later, I prayed with my Mom for her salvation (as a Christian) and she TOTALLY changed and has NEVER been the same since. Constantly smiling and saying the sweetest things ever.
As a depressed person, though, I also understand how your mother feels. NOT meanness, and not expecting you to make it better. But I understand feeling unhappy and unable to make things better, even when I can see that my life is really pretty darn good! That's called depression. Logic doesn't make it go away.
What worked for me and what worked with an old lady I cared for was to acknowledge that her life sucks. Go to the pity party, take a chair, accept a cup of tea and listen and agree. Ask her why she is so unhappy, as if it's all new information to you. Don't offer solutions or explanations. Offer sympathy and wishes. "It's sad that you can't get around like you used to. Wouldn't it be nice if you could be 40 again?" "Yes, you want to be free of pain. I hope they invent better drugs soon." "I miss Dad too. I wish they had telephone service to heaven. What would you say to him if you could?"
If your mother is like me - IF - then what she wants is for you to hear and understand how unhappy she is, and to care, and to comfort her, and, yes, to pity her a little. When I get a nice little serving of pity and love, then I take a deep breath, and start to look on the bright side myself. I can see something that would cheer me up, and ask for a nice small act of kindness, and appreciate it.
Sometimes I can do that with my husband, and sometimes I can't. When I can, his mood lifts and we are both happier.
Also, I recommend antidepressants for BOTH of you. It's really hard to be in this situation that IS going to last a while, but drugs and a different approach can help you get through it.
Many times our elders say things they don't mean. They are just venting and we are the unlucky recipients of the steam. It doesn't have to be bad. For example, if Mother says she is unhappy and just wants to die, say guess you'll have to make yourself happier then. When my mother is very sad, I secretly call my brothers so they will surprise her with a call. It makes her happy. A few minutes on the phone with them works magic, I guess because it lets her know they care.
Sometimes lighthearted responses defuse negativity. Usually every negative statement has a positive counterpart that can be used.If your mother says she wishes she would go to sleep and never wake up, remind her that it would make her miss her morning coffee (or whatever she likes). There are a lot of pleasures left in life, but many times older people get caught up in the negatives and lose sight of the pluses.
One of my favorite things now is to come up with some way to respond to things that come up here frequently. My mother has some dementia, so I only have to come up with a solution once. I can use it again and again, because she won't remember usually. Good responses are ones that acknowledge what she is saying and making her feel better without making myself feel worse.
I've tried all of these things more times than I can count. but its an inside job unless there is Medical processes that can't be helped.
I was having a nice dinner with the kids and my husband.
hey wait til there's a quiet point then says and loud voice " we never went to the moon"..
everyone was stunned and it was silent. this was his opportunity to go on about all of his conspiracy theories.
just nuts. people hear him talk like this and think he is demented but he really isn't as its just attention seeking.
When you live with the person, it is much harder. You can't avoid them if they can walk into your room whenever they want. However, you can leave and get your wits about you again when she is pushing you toward the edge.
What your mother did sounds like something mine would do. I think I would have circumvented my mother and talked with the step brother about resealing elsewhere. (I'm not sure what that is. :)