My mom (95) and her sister (my aunt; 93) have always been very close, but both have dementia now and live far from each other. My aunt had a stroke over the weekend and is now on hospice; she isn't speaking but evidently has been holding on to a picture of my mom. Should I tell my mom about my aunt's stroke and poor health? Or should I wait until my aunt passes to break the bad news? My mom is still fairly lucid. It's heartbreaking-- they've been best friends their whole lives.
Since your aunt is holding a picture, she may be waiting for your mom to say goodbye . Why not video your mom with your phone, tell her to say hi and love you, see you soon. Send it to your cousin to play for your aunt. God bless, hope this helps.
I would tell my mom about her sister now even though they've both got dementia, and even though either/both may forget later. My belief is our loved ones can still hear us, so I'd do my best to arrange with hospice workers for your aunt to use a telephone to at least hear your mom speak to her to say a few comforting words .. she loves her and any sweet, comforting things. Tell mom her sister can't speak, but she should be able to hear her. It may comfort both of them.
Mom may need help with the phone on her end, too, like reminding her that her sister can't speak but can hear her, say nice things for her sister to hear.
Sending prayers your family's way.
lil
My cousin asked me if mom wanted to say goodbye over the phone. He lived several states away but spoke on the phone every week. They were close growing up and they did make trips to see each other when they were younger.
She was 93. He was 96. So, I asked mom if she wanted to say goodbye. She did. My uncle smiled and he died shortly afterwards. Mom was glad that she had the chance to say that she loved him one last time. I was glad that my cousin gave them the opportunity to say goodbye.
Neither had dementia so it’s different than your situation. I think you have to follow your heart.
Even tho your mom's sister is no longer talking, she can still hear and it would do wonders. Prayers
When she passes, then tell your mom.
If your mom is lucid she should be told, that way it isn't so sudden and she can prepare her heart a bit for the loss.
I am so sorry that your family is facing this challenge. May God grant your aunt a peaceful passing and all of you grieving mercies and comfort during this time.
This is a sad time but your mother and her sister have had full lives. Both in their 90s and best friends and sisters is a miracle.
My mother didn’t go to her sisters funeral. She really wasn’t physically able to go and it was a long trip. I know she missed her. 90 years is a long time to be friends. 90 years is a long time for anything. Not many of us travel through life with anyone that many years. I think it’s beautiful your aunt wants your mom’s photo. There was a segment on the news recently about an old guy in s NH who was given a pillow with his late wife’s image. He had been sleeping with her framed photo.
Your mom will be sad but the beauty of dementia is that it does seem to take a bit of the edge off of the realities of life.
My mom outlived all her siblings but a much younger brother. She outlived my dad and two sons and a grandchild. That’s a lot of grieving. In their 90s they know about death. Their hearts have been there before.
See All Answers