Or will they figure it out themselves? What happens then?
My LO went from racking up failed login attempts to more scarier financial blunders. So far, I have been able to fix or absorb the financial losses. Now, he sneaks into his office and tries to money-manage while I am busy with something else and ends up shouting at a bank customer service person because he thinks the bank deleted our savings and CD accounts. (They are safe. He is just looking at the wrong bank)
I am dealing with refusal of treatment issues and setting up hospice right now, so I would like to put off calling an Eldercare Attorney as long as I can. I am really looking for stories, tips and info. The many tips I've found so far work on Alzheimer's patients but not on vascular dementia patients - who have decent memories if the memory doesn't require 'thinking/reasoning". example: The last couple months, I have been paying them before he realizes what day it is and then just absorbing the fall out. But now, he remembers that I did that.
I really do not want to ruin what little dignity he has left and go the incompetency route. Will banks work with me without it? Since I had to sell my 18yr business to care for him full-time, we only have pension/ss income now. So I am getting to the point where I can't afford to many more financial blunders.
To answer your questions as to why I've waited, is because the reasons why he doesn't want to give up the finances and why he didn't want to go to the doctor are the same...crippling fear over what is happening to him and in such a short time. He hasn't had much time for acceptance. Getting him to a doctor had to be my first priority.
I have POA, DPOA. All accounts are joint. We are in Cali. I'm sure his doc would give me a letter. Hospice says they can help me with a lot of different things from end of life arrangements to counseling for him. So a lot will change in the coming weeks.
he is homebound and almost bedridden. This is an online banking issue. I liked the "internet is down" idea. He locked himself out yesterday but was too embarrassed to tell me so I'm going to ride that one as long as i can. And yes, he has no concept of day/time so I've been able to pay all the bills from my smartphone the day the pension check comes in - as we watch TV, without him even knowing.
I think that was all your questions...and i just want to say thanks again. I wish i would have found this site sooner. The kind words, love, support and even kick in the pants has been so strengthening for me during this difficult journey.
There is much excellent advice on forms and there is an awful lot of misinformation. See and talk with a elder affairs attorney now not latter.
I'm POA for my mother and on her accounts, but our bank can only do so much. Speaking with someone in person helped a bit in my case because my mother would walk into the branch, and since they were notified of her condition, it helped somewhat. But the best solution is to remove them from the accounts -- which I have NOT done yet (our own specific situation makes this too problematic at the moment).
If you can get him away from online banking/the internet, it would be a huge help. My mother is no longer online, so I have much more control and monitoring ability. She still is able to write checks, though -- and she has a debit card, which I wish she didn't have, but it's part of her bank access card. Like I said, our solutions aren't perfect -- the best thing would be to remove him from the accounts, which you can do if you have POA and are on the accounts.
Sometimes it helps to make up fibs to buy you some time, like "the internet is down....", "the banks are closed today...." "new checks haven't been delivered yet..."
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