How/When to tell the banks that your spouse has dementia?

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How/When to tell the banks that your spouse has dementia?

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Or will they figure it out themselves? What happens then?
My LO went from racking up failed login attempts to more scarier financial blunders. So far, I have been able to fix or absorb the financial losses. Now, he sneaks into his office and tries to money-manage while I am busy with something else and ends up shouting at a bank customer service person because he thinks the bank deleted our savings and CD accounts. (They are safe. He is just looking at the wrong bank)

I am dealing with refusal of treatment issues and setting up hospice right now, so I would like to put off calling an Eldercare Attorney as long as I can. I am really looking for stories, tips and info. The many tips I've found so far work on Alzheimer's patients but not on vascular dementia patients - who have decent memories if the memory doesn't require 'thinking/reasoning". example: The last couple months, I have been paying them before he realizes what day it is and then just absorbing the fall out. But now, he remembers that I did that.

I really do not want to ruin what little dignity he has left and go the incompetency route. Will banks work with me without it? Since I had to sell my 18yr business to care for him full-time, we only have pension/ss income now. So I am getting to the point where I can't afford to many more financial blunders.

Alzheimer's & Dementia

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I'd talk to an attorney. But if you already have a POA and the accounts are joint already, can't you just withdraw all the money from the accounts with large amounts and put in your name in a new account? You could always leave him with a joint checking account with a overdraft limit on it and fund it with small amounts. That's what we did with Mom. She is obsesses about her money but completely incompetent to balance a checkbook or understand her finances. We have a small joint checking account which she can use to pay for her beauty salon (which is the only checks she writes) and we keep the balance really low. Taking all of it away from her would set her off and this seems to satisfy her that she still has some control. I'm wondering also if withdrawing all the money now would be a good idea for purposes of medicaid when the time comes he needs to be hospitalized. There is a five year time limit, but it wouldn't hurt to discuss this with your attorney. I wish we had done that with Mom's money years ago as she could have qualified for veterans assistance for the AL, but she had too much money and its too late now.

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Previous post went b4 I finished--main bank aware of problem, threatened to close the account, but have left it open since I am aware of the situation and have most of the checks in my possession. Have med POA and living will, but he was unwilling to do the financial POA when ProSeniors helped with the other. Now I believe I know why because there was a 2nd checking account opened by him prior to his dx w/dementia, and now I suspect he has transferred his SS check to it, since it has not shown up in the joint account since January. Since he no longer can drive, I don't know whether he could have done this either over the phone or perhaps a piece of mail came that he filled out and returned. I queried SS regarding this, but they may not tell me anything. I may be able to locate information on the new checking account; his car loan is financed through there as well. I'm afraid that having to hire an elder attorney will prove financially depleting--especially if it has to go through probate court.

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In our case, the main bank is aware of the situation due to the draining of the checking account in 2013 through SWEEPSTAKES SCAMS

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Sadly, in the short time i posted this question my husband has become bedbound with hospice care and it is no longer an issue for me. I have much larger stresses. But i really liked the practical solution of, "its in the safe". Thanks Luarca!

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Very important question. We have two separate accounts, we both were professionals, now retired and manteined our accounts as joint. In one where I am the titular (An FCU in the USA), I told the bank as soon as I had the diagnostic (My wife has Alz) and they were very simpahtetic and colaborative. A little later I keep her cards in our safe at home, for a few monthts she asked for them and I answer where they were and seemed satisfied. After a while stop asking.
In her bank the situation was different, is a large Bank in Brazil. After a few blunders and problerms caused for confusion with the code, slowly began toi depend on me for paying. The question on where was her card was the same: in the safe. Being an impersonal bank I have not communicate hewr condition because I will have to do it in legal terms. A complicate situation.
Whitin us we are estabilized, I pay for everything and mantein her provide with money, small amounts enough to pay for some things in the super and a very special: to pay for the taxis.She seems happy and satisfied.

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Our elder affairs attorney is a key part of our support network. You will enjoy the attorney client privacy and are able to ask and say anything in private. We were lucky and found a woman with years of experience in elder care and Alzheimer's and the world you are now in.

There is much excellent advice on forms and there is an awful lot of misinformation. See and talk with a elder affairs attorney now not latter.

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GiveAdog: what a great idea. Thanks!

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See the attorney NOW. The banks will NOT remove his access without a court order from a Judge making you the Guardian. PLEASE.

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My broker has a "sweep" setting on an account where it sweeps out the account cash balance (dividends) at the end of the day and deposits it in a money market fund. You might be able to get that on your banking and put it into a single owner account. Broker also had me sign a Transfer on Death form for the account - my spouse just has to bring in a death certificate and the money is transferred to him without having to go to the estate and probate.

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Thank you everyone. I guess you all said what i figured you would and I know you are right. I'm walking a tightrope at the moment. He has taken a sudden decline in the last 6 months and i was thinking it would be a non issue soon. My first question on this site was about a struggle i have been busy with all this time to get him to a doctor after he went into chronic fear mode and refused Healthcare. After my first phone consult today with homehealth, they feel he is way past that and needs hospice. Doctor agreed/approved and they are coming tomorrow.

To answer your questions as to why I've waited, is because the reasons why he doesn't want to give up the finances and why he didn't want to go to the doctor are the same...crippling fear over what is happening to him and in such a short time. He hasn't had much time for acceptance. Getting him to a doctor had to be my first priority.

I have POA, DPOA. All accounts are joint. We are in Cali. I'm sure his doc would give me a letter. Hospice says they can help me with a lot of different things from end of life arrangements to counseling for him. So a lot will change in the coming weeks.

he is homebound and almost bedridden. This is an online banking issue. I liked the "internet is down" idea. He locked himself out yesterday but was too embarrassed to tell me so I'm going to ride that one as long as i can. And yes, he has no concept of day/time so I've been able to pay all the bills from my smartphone the day the pension check comes in - as we watch TV, without him even knowing.

I think that was all your questions...and i just want to say thanks again. I wish i would have found this site sooner. The kind words, love, support and even kick in the pants has been so strengthening for me during this difficult journey.

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Questions: how old is your husband, is he still driving, is he angry and would he harm you, is the hospice for end of life care, and what are his medical problems and medications? My first thought is to somehow disable his computer if he is trying to bank on line. My father has a spell about 2 years ago of moving money all over the place and making a total mess of my parents finances. This is when I began to realize that his dementia was getting worse. Luckily, I had POA and was able to track down all the accounts, CDs, annuities etc and get things secured. It was a total mess and took me two weeks. Like it or not you are going to have to get at least a POA or better yet legal guardianship before it's too late. It sounds tough for you. I wish you the best.

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Its hard, but you do need to tell the banks as the others said. Its better for you and your husbands financial situation as well as the bank. Hang in there, I understand what your feeling, but this is best in the long run to protect both of you, and your husband. Try to keep his mind off the accounts, change passwords, move the info, let him look over some "accounts" when you both can sit down and do it together. Hang in there you can do this.

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If you have POA and are on the bank accounts along with him, then speak in person to a human being at your local branch. They might be able to note on the account that if he were to come inside to transact any business, to contact you immediately.
I'm POA for my mother and on her accounts, but our bank can only do so much. Speaking with someone in person helped a bit in my case because my mother would walk into the branch, and since they were notified of her condition, it helped somewhat. But the best solution is to remove them from the accounts -- which I have NOT done yet (our own specific situation makes this too problematic at the moment).
If you can get him away from online banking/the internet, it would be a huge help. My mother is no longer online, so I have much more control and monitoring ability. She still is able to write checks, though -- and she has a debit card, which I wish she didn't have, but it's part of her bank access card. Like I said, our solutions aren't perfect -- the best thing would be to remove him from the accounts, which you can do if you have POA and are on the accounts.
Sometimes it helps to make up fibs to buy you some time, like "the internet is down....", "the banks are closed today...." "new checks haven't been delivered yet..."

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And BTW, no, the bank will not notice or figure it out themselves. If they do figure out that something isn't right, it will be too late to do anything about it and the only person to blame will be yourself.

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You have no choice but to go the incompetency route -- anything less is neglect. You are aware that he is incompetent and need to accept that first. Once you've accepted this reality, it will be much easier for you to do what you need to do. In the meantime, you can try to talk with the banks, etc, but until you produce legal documentation, they really cannot protect you, him, or your assets from his mistakes. You need an elder law attorney to help you draw up the appropriate documents, and hope that your spouse is still competent enough (and willing) to sign that power over to you. Without that, you'll need to go to court to obtain the necessary power to act on your spouse's behalf. I believe about the only thing you can't do without him right now would be sale of real property and forced admission to a care facility against his will. But stopping him from wasting your estate won't be easy without those documents. You can try changing passwords, put holds on accounts, etc, but again, the banks might not be willing to do that on joint accounts, without his consent. You can act, or choose to allow him to lose everything you've worked your whole lives to save. I say act, and act now.

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Since, he's your husband, I assume that all of your finances are in joint accounts? Is that correct? Are you his durable and medical POA?

What state does his doctor say that his dementia/alzheimer's is in? Has his doctor said that he is not competent because of this?

What exactly do you want the banks to work with you on without having to tell them he is not competent because he has dementia?

I doubt the bank will figure it our themselves. You need to just tell them upfront and be honest. I don't know what you are gaining by not telling them. What will they require as proof on his incompetency? A letter from his doctor? I would not think they would require that you give them more than that.

Although I was my mother's durable POA, I never really had to deal with this issue because she made me joint owner of all of her accounts and securities with right of survivorship before she made me her POA.

What do you mean that you pay them before he realizes what day it is and then just absorbing the fall out? Are you talking about paying bills before he realizes they are do and then absorbing the fall out of him getting mad about that?

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How/When to tell the banks that your spouse has dementia?

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