I've got a disabled sister, an elderly dad who needs care round the clock, and a strict job with little free time. There is a neighbor who grew up in a group home setting and now lives alone close to me. She isn't the most pleasant person to be around, has part time staff to help her, but needs friendship. I simply can't be the one to give her my cell number to comfort her when she gets lonely. How can we help someone like that? She is a little selfish and difficult but so needy and shouldn't be abandoned to solitude. (yes, she has pets, a nice place, and lives ok, just lonely and she's sort of a pariah around here cause she's so needy.) She has balance issues and doesn't walk well, lost use of one arm, and is a cancer survivor, in her 40s I think.
as far as support- are you the neighborly type? get clear about your motives and move on from there
no one deserves to be feel abandoned - not the elderly, the sick, the well
if i were in your shoes id drop a meal by and thats that
I'd just gently tell her that your life is too full, but that you'll pray/light a candle/think a kind thought for her every day, and that it's the best you can do.
And then believe it.
You are a big enough hero with what you are doing:) xo
The person's childhood was probably terrible, and/or, had some terrible events in life, which may OR NOT, have been her choices.
She may have a Personaltiy Disorder, could be high-functioning ASD like Asperger's Syndrome....those folks do not LIKE being isolated, but it is usually the only way they can cope with life--and they have real problems making social contacts.
Whatever that woman's issues are, you are NOT in a good condition to take on helping her, EXCEPT...
==finding resources she might pursue herself
==suggesting ideas for groups she might join
==MAYbe mentioning to those at your church or other groups, about this person's plight, to see if there might be any in those groups who are better equipped to help her.
IF you still feel obligated [!?!] to help her in some way, make it "distant"...that is, AVOID giving your phone number or email address.
Restrict gifts to small things like a food item or flowers, or a card.
Most of us have one or more persons we deal with, who have some behaviors like that.
Each of us can only do so within our own limits...if we fail to set our own limits on other's use of our time, energy & resources, we soon find ourselves bankrupt on every possible level.
I guess I would just try and set up boundaries with the neighbor but let her know you do care. Maybe establish a set time when you visit with her-once a week- stop by for 20 minutes? I would not give her your cell phone number. That puts her too much in charge. My advice is keep the visits light hearted , not about her care-she should have agencies for that. Make it just social calls. Light chatter. Let her know she is not alone but you are not her caregiver. If she seems in need of help call APS. Just be a neighbor. A friend. But not a caregiver to her.
Blessings to you both.
If she starts in on attempting to get you to agree to her supposings--that is, guessing at what others might be thinking or doing, or catastrophizing, she's got you sucked into her vortex--those are really hard to get out of gracefully.
Please keep your technical distance, and keep contacts, if at all, to distancing things, like dropping off a goodie every once in awhile, or, offering her some information about agencies that might help her.
You've got plenty on your plate to keep any 5 people busy 24/7
....that you feel a drive to interact with this person, is commendable, but really, I agree with someone who posted above, that you might want to look carefully at your feeling need to care-take so many sick puppies.
Please take care of yourself, because others do rely on you...taking on too many or too much, can break even the strongest.
If I were in your shoes, I might try to contact someone to see if they could make a house call to visit her or as someone mentioned, meals on wheels or a church group. Under no circumstances would I open up my phone line to this person so she can vent to you....you need to be as upbeat as possible and around positive people.
Take a pass on this and concentrate on your own family and YOURSELF!
God Bless you!