Countless times when I'm weary, and at Me weakest I have asked Myself this question. As Caregiver to Mom Who is 86 years and suffers from Al/s I have learned so much, how Family & Friend's lurk in the shadows, it's as if while I'm sleeping a voice whispers in My ear THATS YOUR PROBLEM, YOU DEAL WITH IT. While Other's keep telling Me, Oh Your a mighty Man to take care of Your Mother like that, it can't be easy They say. And They are correct It can't be easy, but I'm wondering to Myself..HOW COULD THEY KNOW ? when They wouldn't be capable of looking after the Family cat. Yes We Caregiver's are made of stern stuff, and Our Caregiving is done out of Love, respect, for Those Who We Love.
I have been tethered to my mother for 5+ years now, living in a place I don't like and living a life I don't want to live. Every time I think I've found an escape route, something else falls through and I'm dragged in deeper than ever. I hate this more every day, as I feel my last best years slipping away from me with nothing to show for it. I have siblings, but most of them live too far away to help and the ones that live close by are not able or willing to provide the amount of help my mother needs.
Right now my mother is having at least 2 medical appointments per week, as well as all the shopping, errands, housework and other junk that needs to be done for her. Meanwhile one of my local siblings is very sick in a hospital and the other is available for only a few hours per week, if that.
I took this on willingly at first, but at the time I believed my mother was likely to live another 2-3, maybe 5 at the absolute most. I couldn't imagine that people could live so long in a state of physical impairment and with multiple health problems. I was willing to give up 2-3 years to help her at the end of life, but it's been more than 5 years now and she seems to be nowhere near the end. I'm at the end of my rope though, with hating this life and wanting with all my heart to move back up north and start a new chapter in my life. I just can't wait until this is finally over. The end can't come soon enough for me.
I wish I was organized to plan a Military style operation right now! You have the training which is great. You are so right - the time disappears
immediately unless controlled. I must get a plan - otherwise everything will get screwed up even more!. Many thanks for this message.
so ban me !! . ive been banned from everything but ebay and theyre making serious frowny faces .
moderators !! . wake the hell up .
This forum just hasn't been as spicy without you. :)
CarlaB My great fear is that I will not be able for the next chapter of My Life, UNLESS I do right by My Mom. When I had three brain operations My Mother really did take care of Me. Even though being a full time CAREGIVER is very demanding, and all of Us have put Our Lives on hold, I will not abandon My post.
I will go the full distance caring for Mom, as She's been My greatest Critic and best Friend, the only Person in this World that I would trust with My Life.
Is it enough? No, not really; but it's something.
Kept and developed my sense of anger, called my friends regularly, took exercise classes, kept learning about food and nutrition, and am continuing on with progress. Develop some mental acrobatics to keep sane: my mantra is "I'm a happy girl!".
Human beings can be amazing.
The fact that you are writing this here is a first step towards looking for help.
Something somewhere inside of you knows that there is still life in you. Look around, read this site and others, There are lots of people who have illnesses and disadvantages who have learned to live again.
Get thee to a therapist. the right therapist can make a world of difference. Don't forget: lots of people deal with adversity by having a sense of humor. You can do that, too--though it may not seem like it at this time. First, take care of yourself and get the help you need.
You are right. Sometimes genetics or other factors totally outside of our control have huge impacts on our lives. You have only to look at your parents and know that what life dealt them was not fair and was not their fault.
You may never get your health back. Your Dad isn't getting his back. But with treatment you may at least improve. I have major depressive disorder. I did nothing to deserve that ... I guess it just came with the gene set. I take medication for it, and have learned techniques to manage it. In spite of the burden I'm a fairly happy person ... and part of what makes me happy is my generosity and compassion. Those are very valuable assets that you have!
I am truly sorry that you lost your friends, just when you really need some. But there are hundreds of potential new friends in your community -- and you just need one or two. You don't have to start working on this tomorrow, but it is something to hope for in the future.
Calysta, continue to hang in there, for Dad. And after he is gone, continue to hang in there for you. You deserve another chance at some happiness. There is hope that you can find some!
I have a family member with major depressive disorder so I see the struggles of clinical depression. Add that to all of your caregiving challenges and it would sometimes seem like giving up is the answer. It is not. You will survive. If you are truly close to suicide do call the hotline in your community. These people are trained to help you. Please keep in touch.
Carol
She had some form of dementia, but always recognized me and most of the family. It was hard because we didn't always get along well even before she needed me, and because my brother died toward the end of her life... She was quite clear she'd have preferred it be I.
I feel I will recover and I am sure you will too but if your parent is still living, please take time for yourself so you don't feel shipwrecked at the end!