Countless times when I'm weary, and at Me weakest I have asked Myself this question. As Caregiver to Mom Who is 86 years and suffers from Al/s I have learned so much, how Family & Friend's lurk in the shadows, it's as if while I'm sleeping a voice whispers in My ear THATS YOUR PROBLEM, YOU DEAL WITH IT. While Other's keep telling Me, Oh Your a mighty Man to take care of Your Mother like that, it can't be easy They say. And They are correct It can't be easy, but I'm wondering to Myself..HOW COULD THEY KNOW ? when They wouldn't be capable of looking after the Family cat. Yes We Caregiver's are made of stern stuff, and Our Caregiving is done out of Love, respect, for Those Who We Love.
I do not think it is so terrible to cancel the holidays. When my daughter was at her worst as a teenager, I do mean the very worst, she ruined every meal, we just stopped inviting her for birthday and anniversary dinners. she had made us all feel so uncomfortable for so many years and it was a total waste of money. Without her we had a relaxed time. We still loved her, of course, and we still did HER birthday with her.
Sometimes you just have to get real and practical and face reality.
The funny thing was/is: she never noticed. Years went by and she wasn't invited, say, to my mom's birthday dinner, and she never noticed. Never asked.
If you treat the holiday like any other day, your mom probably won't even notice.
(for Jonhjoe )
You are the "Me" you thought was lost
but experiences of caregiving comes with a cost
Each day as you toil to care for that soul
Will give you new parts to add to your "whole".
No other job can make you so weary
And make you question your ability to see clearly
Can keep you from vacations and lose you friends
Give you hours that seem to never end.
But you can look at yourself at the end of the day
And know that, no matter what others say.
That you made a difference and showed that you care
by being the one who chose to be there.
And some day when this caregiving whirlwind is done
You'll be the "Me" from before, but a much stronger one.
So hang in there caregiver, and one day you'll see,
You cared for your loved one and now you are free.
Your post made me drop my dentures! I couldn't have said it better myself.
John,
Bless you man.
We are all changed in some way, some for the better; some not.
I send you a big hug. I oftne ask that quesiton. And here is what I am telling myself:
This is it. I need to enjoy every day. Life is not next year. Life is not after my mother and husband pass away. Life is today--now. I need to find a way to be grateful to be alive and to find some fun and enjoyment in each day.
In two weeks I am getting a little dog and I am going to have fun with her. She is a joyful little creature.
Carpe diem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Each post really struck a cord with Me. I'm very lucky as I have NO resentment towards Mom, how could I ? It's the isolation and the loneliness that's killing Me.
Where once not too long ago I would have been considered very out going, and good company..now I've become a Recluse. I take great encouragement fromYou Who have travelled this journey before Me, and I am very thankful for Your advice, and encouragement. I read that 40% of all Alzheimer's Caregiver's suffer from stress or a breakdown, and I'm determined that Alzheimer's will not conquer Me. Finally My thanks to AgingCare.Com for this wonderful site which has brought all of Us Caregiver's together. It is very true A TROUBLE SHARED IS A TROUBLE HALVED...Your support is priceless. Thank You all, from John Joe. 🇮🇪